Stalemate

Eph 6:13
3 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

I played a game of chess with my husband today, and God spoke to me in it. I’m not very good at chess. As the game progressed, I made my plans to capture the enemy king. I got him pinned on two sides, but couldn’t seem to close his escape. It is like my life—I can manage my home, but I drop school. I can engage with my kids, but I drop cleaning. I can meal plan and provide good nutrition, but I drop the ball on living full of grace. And my pieces keep getting taken.

It reminds me of how so many lives go. We don’t take care of our bodies, and we become sick, doing some of things that we might have becomes hard. We lose our rook. We don’t take care of our thoughts, and the ability to think clearly and take our thoughts captive diminishes. We lose our queen. It looks like the game is over, might as well tip our king and be done with it.

That was how the chess game was going for me. It’s annoying to lose; playing is tedious, humiliating. But, for learning sake, we played it to the bitter end, though it seemed obvious to me that with one pon and my king, it was hopeless. I ran for a corner, hoping against hope to turn that pon into a queen. Sure enough, the pon was taken as soon as it arrived.

By then, I was pinned. My king was not in check, but couldn’t move without going into check. A stalemate—my opponent had failed to conquer.

It occurred to me that this is all God is asking me to do, in some circumstances. Victorious living can be just playing to the end and refusing to be taken. I may make foolish choices that seem to strip me of my weapons. But I know that I cannot be taken, Christ assures this. My call is to stand. I find great comfort in the Lord’s words to the church of Philadelphia:

Rev 3:8-12
I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name… Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come upon the whole world to test those who live on the earth. I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown.

Updates and Service

I'm flunking home maintenance. I fell off the wagon in early December more or less, and thoroughly lost it around Christmas. My goal is to get things under control and running well by February 1. I hate stepping over junk and working around the mess. It's wound down so much that the laundry is mixed and people can't find their socks and underwear. Inconvenient.

So what? This is what God says: get up and engage with your life. So that's the way of faith for me. I've strayed from it, and I'm going to be paying the piper for a while. The truth: God loves me and is with me and I can do all things through Christ, and his ways are good.

It is time to examine our family activities for the coming season. I need to think about what we need and not over commit. I will probably do mini school with our homeschool group--something relating to legos.

The biggest thing I would like to see our family grow in this season is Giving and Helping. Starting with me.

I really don't "get" serving. Our lack of church attendence has provoked accusations from relatives that we aren't "serving." That puzzles me. If I went to church, I'd need to pull my weight by assisting with childcare. That doesn't really strike me as serving: I'm bringing five out of fifty kids, if I do 10% of the childcare, that's giving? I don't think so. Why is that better than just lowering the workload by five kids? I could sing on the worship team--is that serving? I love to sing, that would be like a hobby. My prayer would be that my lack of skill wouldn't detract from worship. That doesn't seem like serving to me. I could help direct traffic. I could teach a class, but I don't see how that would ever happen--can't think of a pastor in his right mind that would let me. And if I did, I don't see how it would be service--I love teaching. It oozes out of me unbidden. Doesn't require me "dying to myself", it's what my "self" does. When it comes to church, I have no idea how traditional ideas about serving fit.

At home, however, service makes a vast amount of sense. There are endless and constant chances to lay down my life and serve in invisible ways. I'm missing at least six at this very moment, in fact.

Humility

A good portion of the sermon on Sunday was about humility this week. There were some great illustrations: humility is like allowing God to take what you believe to be the finished portrait of your life and return it to blank canvas. That's a wonderous picture of brokenness, isn't it. To me, it's like God saying, "I know you think that what you've made or what I've made in you is neat, but that's nothing, I have more for you, but you have to let go of this." And then there are times when we wish that we *could* be a blank canvas again, but it seems like way too much to ask.

A definition of humility: "Lowly thinking, the quality of esteeming ourselves as small, but at the same time recognizing the power of God in us." How difficult it is to hang on to both of those things! I was explaining just how huge the universe is to my son the other day. In his seven year old wisdom, he took it in stride---yeah, yeah, a million earths fit in our sun, nearest star so many light years away, pretty far, but I can take it in... But we are small beyond all reckoning in this universe made by a frightfully huge God. A childish mind refuses to recognize this.

Here's a sermon quote that I jotted down to ponder: "Our trust in our intellect prevents us from experiencing true humility." The idea that thinking and talking and ideas are of limited value is a perspective that is pretty pervasive in this body--the word "theology" is a dirty word, used to express ideas that have no connection to spirituality, Pharisees were in to it. Maybe it's more a denomination-wide conviction, because the last Foursquare pastor preached for a very long time on "The kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but a matter of Power."

"Our trust in our intellect prevents us from experiencing true humility." I think this is a statement to be handled with care. Trust in *any* of our faculties above the goodness of God is a road to destruction. But is thinking itself suspect? I wish I could understand better this danger the pastor saw. Maybe it goes like this: "I can understand everything, God really isn't that mighty, and I don't really need him to save me, per se." Or maybe thinking one is dumb is equivilent to humility? I can't buy that. Our little pea brains have very little capacity to grasp the created, let along the uncreated, and yet we were made to apprehend God, and to have faith, which is an adherence to an *idea* which lives in our pea brains. He's given us capacity that we are expected to use to pursue him. (Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.)

It seems to me that there is an undeniably cerebral aspect to our walk with God. We have the life of God in our Spirit, and as we submit to it with each bit of our soul, we take on the flavor of that reality. Our brain is part of our soul, and it is indeed the portion of us that, as it is renewed, allows us to perceive the will of God: Rom 12:22 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will. " From that, it seems really obvious that the activities of our intellect--thoughts, ideas, words, concepts and beliefs--are a key aspect to bring into line with the Spirit. So, I have to trust that God will do that in me, trust that He is acting in process of renewing my mind to bring my intellect into line. That doesn't amount to trusting in my ability to think better than God, it just means that I recognize that God desires my mind to be conformed to the truth.

If anyone has more thoughts on how trusting our intellect could keep us from trusting God, I invite you to comment.

Healing

I picked up a brochure at church on Sunday titled “Healing of the Body, Mind and Emotions.” The instructions on the inside page read, in part, “God’s Holy Word, anointed by His Spirit, spoken out in faith will bring deliverance and health…Speak these scriptures out loud every day, proclaiming that these words are true of you…Speak these words out more often during times of trouble. It is important to say them out loud and not just read them silently. ‘Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.’ Don’t give up on bodily healing. We have been promised wholeness and healing through the shed blood of Jesus.”

Then it has several pages of excerpts from the Bible, some of which are declarations about how good and powerful are the words of God, others are quotes like “I will live and not die” or “As I have believed, so let it be done for me” or “I know that I will prosper in all things and be in health, just as my soul prospers” or “Lord, you heal all those who have need of healing.”

I think I need healing now, because this makes me violently ill. Where did they get the idea that speaking Bible quotes would bring deliverance and health? Show me the faithful Pentecostal that failed to get sick and ultimately die because they chanted these verses enough. I am not saying that PMA (positive mental attitude) isn’t effective—I believe in the power of focusing on good things bringing good things. That’s true just as a human principle. I also believe that God moves with compassion on his people. But to suggest that by speaking these magic words and brainwashing oneself to believe things that AREN’T TRUE (your body remains subject to illness and death), to lead folks into thinking they are not at the mercy of suffering, good grief, words fail me.

I do find this sad and offensive. Offensive, because it is a baldfaced lie—the people muttering these verses that weren’t spoken to them, will continue to age, rust, decline, get sick, get in accidents until which time Jesus returns or they die. They are laying claim to something that is not yet theirs—an eternal, resurrection body. It cheapens their hope to pretend it is currently in their hand. What kind of witness is it for someone dying of whatever to go about declaring the life of Christ is healing them? When their body dies, what is the world to conclude but that God failed them? Blind denial declares that one isn’t aging and winding down physically. This is not an appropriate confession for a people claiming to walk in truth.

The Biblical, Christian response to our broken bodies and aching souls is to be very unlike this. We don’t need to chant our way out of it, rejecting the pain, pushing back and denying reality. 1 Peter 4:12-14 says this: 12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” A day will come when the suffering is ended, and our joy will be more than full because of the reality of it—unconjured, undeniable. Meanwhile, our suffering gives us reason to rejoice. Why?

Rom 5:3-5 We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” There is something to be gained in the suffering—jewel-like qualities that will be rewarded by God. Our suffering gives us an opportunity to be weaned away from what the world offers, to put all our hope in what is so much more certain and solid: the eternal love of God. If we are busy repeating declarations that NOW is the time for that reward, we are picking very green fruit.

How should we endure hardship? Financial reversals, accidents, illnesses, etc? Should we shove them back and declare that they are of the devil, cast them away from us? Hebrews 12:7-9 counsels us otherwise: 7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.”

If we endure hardship with an eye towards God, believing Him to be the good father who filters EVERYTHING that comes to us, we respond to HIM in trial, not to the enemy who may have other plans for our suffering. We look to our Father and learn from him how we can drink more deeply from His bottomless well of life, so that on the other side of it, we are less flappable, less vulnerable to standing on the sand of our money or health or friends. But if we reject our pain as bad, we miss the goodness of God IN it. This brochure is a roadmap to missing that.

How do I not freak out about that? I care about people there, people that are obediently getting up in the morning and confessing that the millenium is now, that the benefits of the resurrection are theirs now, embracing their responsibility to believe the impossible is true. Will they take this to the next logical step and brow beat one another when the doctor's report comes back worse not better? "Did you recite your verses just 10 times when I told you to do it twenty? tsk, tsk, this is what you get..." May it never be. May no heart suffer that abuse.

Faith and Following

The question on my mind today is how we walk in the Spirit: do we listen in our heart for his direction and not move until we find it, or do we figure whatever we have peace or enthusiasm about is his will? Or do we read the Bible, figure out the key of why God said what he did in those circumstances and apply it to our own?

We don't feel led or called to any particular church body. We don't sense a forbidding about it either. I can't find a Biblical mandate to do anything other than hold to sound doctrine and not forsake the gathering of the saints. So, we could pray for wisdom (a prayer God promises to grant), and make a choice, and be certain we are in God's will.

Good works. The Bible says we get rewards in heaven for faithful productivity. (1 Cor 3:13+ among others.) So, how do we pick what good works to do? Best if they are sneaky, reward-wise. If we are rewarded or praised for our giving or good works now, we won't be later. How do we figure out what the good works are that he has prepared in advance for us to do? Is it just whatever we can find, or should we wait for a word from him to move us? Can we just do whatever nice stuff we'd like, or is "everything that does not come from faith is sin. " (Rom 14:23)? What about giving to horrible causes (like TV preachers) with a clean heart--is that rewarded the same as giving to care for widows and orphans? Does it matter what happens to the money we give, or do we get bonuses for making sure we supporting things we think God wants? While I would tend to want good stuff done if I give up money, when God told the Israelites to "dedicate" something to him in the old testament, he sometimes meant utterly destroying it for any use whatsoever. I don't think I can construct a principle about being productive when you give. I am back with listening to the Holy Spirit.

This question seems to lead back to the definition of faith. Faith is walking as though what is inperceptible but real was really true. For instance, praying for wisdom, and then being confident that God has granted it for your decision, even if you don't feel a glow of genius.Faithlessness would be deciding that God isn't near you because you can't feel him, and comforting yourself with computer time, stuff, pleasure, etc.

I think this is a messy question.

Trying Church

My hubby and I have ongoing conversations about church--should we go, shouldn't we, are we called out or in, if we are supposed to go, where, and how do our minds need to change to survive it, what do we have to give, etc.

This quest has taken us to a body where they strongly preach the gospel as we understand it, and its great, but it is over a half hour away and we don't know a soul who goes there. Then, there is our old church, where we know half the people, but often don't connect theologically.

Today, we went to our old church. We have our children to consider, and they are getting older, need to be experiencing the fellowship of the saints, and it would be better if they felt comfortable with folks. So we went, and it was really great to see everyone. It felt so warm and homey.

The kids feedback from Sunday school leaves me nonplussed. I don't know how to respond. The youngest, I don't know what she learned or did, but she got a "stay off drugs" sticker (she's 5), and a pair of swimming goggles, which she loved. Of the middle two, the older one was highly annoyed that her brother wanted to cling to her, and declared she didn't learn a thing because she already knew it all. Apparently they discussed Jesus feeding the 5000. The oldest Sunday school kid said that they read the section of Nehemiah where it lists who built which part of the wall, but she didn't know what the application of that was. She did say her teacher taught them that if you pray stuff God says in the Bible that he'll give you, you're more likely to get it. Second child said she learned this too.

This makes me a bit nervous. In past churches, based on this idea, people have lifted anything God ever said to anyone and filtered it through "All God's promises are Yes and Amen in Christ Jesus" and figured if they prayed whatever Bible quote with enough fervor, God would of course give it to them. And if it didn't seem that he gave it to them, they would declare that he had in fact given it to them. Nonsense, superstition, bleh. But, I don't really want my kids to be disrespectful to their teachers, nor to teach them that church/sunday school/God and the Bible are bunk. So I tried to draw out from them what they know God has promised to give them in the Bible, but apparently they don't know of anything. Wonderful job of training that we have done.

The problem is, I don't really understand prayer very well myself. I know that when Jesus taught the disciples to pray, before he inaugurated the new covenant, he had them acknowledge our Holy Heavenly Father, and pray for his rule to come to earth. Remember that you are dependent on God supporting you. Ask for forgiveness (though I can't imagine anyone not looking around nervously when he suggested that God only forgive as well as a human!) How any of this teaching would be altered by the new covenant, I don't know.

Some will criticize me for being too critical of the kids' sunday school teachers. Maybe even suggest that if I think could do better, step up to the plate. Can I ethically do that? I guess that is a big question. Would anything I would teach violate the direction the leadership believes the church should go?

My kids need to be aware that the Christian life isn't lived in isolation, but that being part of the body of believers is an irreplaceable element of walking with God. And they also need to be trained in truth. They need to understand what Jesus has done for them, and what he has promised to do in the future.

The old church is great for being together with other believers, but the things my kids have been fed there have included a false story about the 12 days of Christmas being a Christian allegory of some significance, that the church is just the new version of the temple (God used to live in the temple building, now he lives in the church building? Hello?), and now this questionable doctrine about prayer. And they have been nudged about the baptism of the holy spirit, which I am really not all that comfortable with at all. I don't know if any of this matters, the kids don't appear to be retaining anything they are taught anyway--by me or anyone else.

Case in point: we were discussing the feasts of the Lord the other day. We came to the feast of Weeks, Pentecost. I read that it was initiated by God to commemorate the giving of the law. It was fulfilled on Pentecost, after the ascension, by the giving of the ____________. The kids didn't know. We rephrased--the old covenant was lived by the Law, the New Covenant power is the ________. No idea. The ________ gives life, the letter kills? None of it rang a bell. Holy Spirit. Somehow, the significance of the whole Jesus story had escaped them. He died and rose again to give us life through the Holy Spirit, so that we could live like Jesus did, moved directly by God. Needless to say, we've been through this, but apparently it doesn't have a place in their hearts yet. So why should I fuss about fluff in Sunday School? Maybe I should just be happy that they have a chance to be loved and known by others and figure that the Spirit will lead them into all truth in due time.

God promised me patience, right? I think I'll pray for it...