I'd Buy it Back

I’d buy it back, if I could find it,
That old rocker where my babies slept
I tossed it out in a steeled moment,
Braced against the longing to hold on
For one more night snuggled close with a book
I’d like to rock them each again
But I can’t hold their tiny faces
Their hugging arms reach all around now
And I don’t rock them
Even the small ones
Who get less small every day.

I’d buy them back, those lost days
When I looked the other way and missed it
I should have held my breath
And held you each and all
Why didn’t I see the treasure in the moment?
Each night when you were sleeping, I could feel the wealth I had
But when tummies were hungry
And phones were ringing
I lost it
I wandered off and couldn’t make myself stay.

I’d buy it all back,
That rocking chair and all those chances
I’d hold your gaze in my smile
And keep your hand in mine.

But where would I put those moments if I could take them back?
My hands are small and can only grab one chance at a time--
And another chance is here at hand.
Free for the asking.
I'll take it.

Fowl Lessons

The tiny chick didn't wake up. I put it under the heat lamp, hoping that the warmth would soak in and revive it, but there was no flame of life to fan. Becca, who watched broody Lacy daily and reported on how the setting was going, pinned her hopes for poultry parenthood on this egg. The chick tried to hatch out some time last night, but when I found it this morning checking the hen, there was no sign of life.

"If God is so big, why did the chick die, Mom?" Becca asks. All the nice Sunday school answers don't seem like enough.

"That's a hard question, Becca." I move her on to the next order of business, because I don't have a better response. Why should the earth go on turning and the suffering go and on? Why should evil be allowed to increase and humankind be let believe all manner of nonsense and practice every wicked thing? God is good, why doesn't he step in? I know somehow it fits with his nature to hold off, but just how does that work?

I was surprised to find 2 Peter 3 going over this very question. God has promised to "do something" about evil, and yet he is taking forever to do it. What gives? "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance..Bear in mind that our Lord's patience means salvation." The payment made by Christ is enough for every human to be redeemed and God is giving each of us every chance possible to embrace Christ. Judgement will fall, but God will draw as many as possible to the cross first.

Why did the chick die? Because the creation is broken with sin. Why doesn't God fix it? He will...when he's reached as many as he can with his mercy, and destroyed the broken creation with fire, all things will be made new.

Photos from Flickr, raizn4 and donewiththetaxman

Sin and Losing your Salvation

Could you address Hebrews 10:26...If you were to accept Jesus and truly know that murder was wrong and do it anyway that is not God moving from you, but you moving from God and that you can lose your everlasting life.

Let's take a step back and look at the larger context of Hebrews 10. The author is laying out the difference between the law and the new covenant. He describes the law as a shadow, not substance, unable to make one perfect, a reminder of sin. In other places it speaks of the law stirring up sin, and causing it to spring to life. No one was ever made righteous by the law, but only by faith. The law is a deal you make with God that says "Be Good and I'll bless you, disobey and suffer." Because of our flesh, this doesn't work on us--we can't be good. Just saying "Be good" makes us be bad.

Hebrews 10:26-27 says "If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God." If we understand that God is good, accepts us, has paid for us, and called us to be his eternal children, the nobility of the universe...and instead of acting in line with that reality act out our disbelief--behave like we must manage our own comfort and security and make our own way, we are not remaining in Christ.

To be saved, we must confess with our mouth AND believe in our heart. What we believe in our heart is demonstrated with our lives. The "work" we are to do in Christ is to believe. Not avoid murdering or stealing, but to believe that God is for us, that he's given his Holy Spirit and that he relates to us as the Bible says he does. That belief plays out in a righteous quality of action. If a person has everything they need, they don't steal. If you are contentedly loved, you don't play the harlot. If you have an awesome future and everything you need right now, it is only logical that you will want to give and love. Out this wealth and secure identity, righteousness flows naturally. If you are living out of something that says that God has not given you this wealth and identity, you are not abiding in Christ.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness: How Forgiven are You?

The wages of sin is death. If your sins are not forgiven, you are dead. There is no other halfway mark given in scripture--if God is counting your sin against you, you're dead. If God is not counting your sin against you, then you are alive and forgiven--your sin is removed as far as the east is from the west. How do you get to this state? You believe him when he says he paid the price for you. If you ask God to forgive you for something he said he already forgave, you are not believing what he said--you may be sad and sorry, but you are not believing God and so not acting in faith.

There is a difference between confessing your sins one to another, repentence, and asking for forgiveness from God. Confession is good for bringing sin to light so that the devil can't accuse you in the dark about it. When you admit the truth of your wrong doing to other people, you agree with God that it is wrong and take a big step in the process of repentance and the embracing of forgiveness. It's humbling and honest. It is easy to tell yourself lies inside, but when you bring your inner discussion to the community, truth bears down on you.

Let's say you sin, let's pick one: you believe that your boss is underpaying you, that he's unfair and won't pay you what you are worth so you take matters into your own hands and steal from the company. Please note that stealing is the fruit of what you believe. At the bottom of this evil act, there is a blasphemous belief that God isn't good--he won't bring you justice or provide for you so you must do it yourself. But you are a believer, trusting in Christ. When Christ died, all your sins were still in the future. He paid the full price for all of them, once and for all. When you accepted Christ as your savior, you applied that payment to your account, once and for all. No more payment will be demanded as long as you are in Christ.

So, this sin does not bring you death, it is forgiven. What does it do? Does it hamper your relationship with God? To the extent that you are falsely accusing God and not resting in the reality of his nature and care for you, yes, you are hampered. But it is not because God has something against you, it is because you are not walking in the truth. If you would be free, you don't need to make it up to God, or clean up your act. If you would be free, you must repent--bring your heart to the truth. "God loves you and will care for you." That doesn't mean you are going to suddenly feel warm and fuzzy about God taking care of you, it means you are going to act as if what is true, IS true. If God is good and going to care for you, then you can open your hand and give back what you've taken and face your consequences. It doesn't really matter how you feel about that act, it is in line with the truth, and is the essence of Faith. All the sorry sobbing in the world will not substitute for believing (acting as if its true) that God loves you and calls you His Own--and that he has fully forgiven you when you asked the first time, just as he promised he would. And that does awaken great thankfulness for the forgiveness that he gave, because we realize more and more how little we deserve.

When you come to God and pray to be his child, you ask for your sins to be forgiven. At that raw moment, you don't even know what you're asking. As we mature in Christ, we become increasingly aware of how corrupt our motives have been, how mixed we are and how desperate we are for grace. Every day we walk with God, we come more into the light and see more of what has been there all along in the shadows of our souls. And when we die, we will not have seen every recess and corner. There is no hope of enumerating our sins to God or anyone else. We are like a rotting stump, shot through with the tendrils of the mushrooms of sin--the fruit pops out here and there, but inside, the web of its roots is pervasive. If God didn't save us from this body of death, we would be without hope. We are unable to even properly ask for forgiveness--to admit each wrong attitude or action. And where would we be if we made an attempt at this? In continual self-examination, always finding new reason for self-flagulation. We are not told to spend our lives looking inward in this manner.

We are told to fix our eyes on Christ. In short, watch where you're going! Do you want to walk closer to the sin in your heart? Then focus on it. Do you want to become more like Christ? Then trust that he is creating you, has forgiven you, and keep your eyes on his holiness, love and grace. His payment was completely adequate and your work is this: believe it.

Rom 6:22-23 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ps 130:3If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,O Lord, who could stand?

Rom 10:9-119 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11 As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."

James 5:1616 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

Rom 14:23 everything that does not come from faith is sin.

1 Peter 3:188 For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.

Heb 9:27-28 just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, 28 so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.

Rom 8:1-21 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

John 8:31-32 Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

John 6:29
29 Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

Nasty Nice

I think I discovered today something that is one of my biggest hot buttons: nasty-nice people. Perhaps you have had a nasty-nice encounter? That's where the person you are dealing with makes a face that is meant to look like a smile, and says words that are meant to be polite, but everything else in their manner suggests that they really hate your guts?

My children were babysat in a mob today, where their care provider changed midway through. I picked them up from Nasty-Nice. Their comment? "Boy, mom, the FIRST babysitter was really nice!" The woman's words could only have been described as polite, but everything about her said, "You aren't okay with me." The kids recognized it--they just felt it, though they commented that the second lady said things with polite words.

You know, I think my impression of her first went awry when I called my children out and she came and spoke to them, not me, to tell them to come back in so I could fill out a form that I'd forgotten when I arrived. That annoys me. A lot. Why does that annoy me so much? It strikes me as insincere and dishonest and it makes me want to hurt somebody, to rip the mask off. I'm touchy about being accused of...well, anything, actually, but especially of poor parenting. And anyone who pastes on a mask to pretend to be loving my kids when they are really bugged by them, provokes me. I'd rather someone just say what's on their mind, in love. If you really reject me and my kids, then you can go jump in a lake. But don't pretend that you aren't rejecting them. I hate that. It doesn't equal love, its a farcical imitation--worse than hate, because genuine hate is at least genuine.

We went to the dentist a few months ago. My kids told him that they brushed their teeth like once a week. (I think that was an underestimation, we are a humble lot.) In my defense, my children are told twice a day to brush their teeth. I'm often bad on following up, but I have taken a stab at it! The child that had perfect dental health was stonily lectured by the dentist that she really must brush more or her teeth would turn green, hurt, fall out, and that it was up to her to be responsible for her health, etc. The child that had a cavity, bore it bravely. The dentist just told us she'd have to come back in to have it fixed. I wanted her to be prepared for the procedure and be reassured about what was going to happen to her so I asked the man to explain it to her. He made it sound as clinical and painful as possible, adding that if she didn't brush more she could expect more of the same. I sent the kids out, and had a talk with the dentist.

I told him that I didn't have to bring my kids to the dentist and we could have lied on his form and given the answers that he wanted. We could have avoided the embarassment of taking care of our teeth. I tearfully told him that while I'm no Mary Poppins, I do have my strengths and forced-teeth brushing isn't one of them, but I'm trying, and I'd thank him not to judge my family. I don't know what all I said or why I felt I needed to.

I had a similar conversation with a carpet cleaning guy that commented on how gross my rugs were, hoping to sell me more carpet cleaning services. Why do I have to do this? Why can't I just crawl under a rock and be embarassed quietly? Why do I have to hold my head up and refuse to hide my ugliness? I seem to need to declare, "This is my life, yes, I suck at it, but it's my life, so shut up!"

So I guess I'm especially vulnerable to people who can put on a face. They love law, and can carry it off--their carpets smell rosy, they brush their teeth and floss, and have clean, quiet children who can find both their (clean) shoes, and never say awkward things that pierce the veil of intimacy. I see that all that is good. It doesn't make me able to do it, though. It's my pride. And shame. And some flavor of faithlessness, I'm sure. I can't seem to be anything but a transparent mess, but heaven help you if treat me like one!

So that's the raw emotional content. There is theology behind this, too, though. Nasty-nice people think they are obeying God because they are mouthing what they think is the right words and doing what they think is right. But they are dangerous pits, not to be trusted. They have their faith in doing the right thing, and they pose their bodies in the shape of righteousness. They are physically faithful to their spouse, they are in church every single week no matter what, they don't smoke, they give to missionaries, they weed out questionable videos from their collections. They emphasize to their children that they must learn God's ways, and never lie, or be rude. God expects obedience and rewards it, disobedience causes suffering.

But they are like thin ice. They believe that they have obeyed because they have made the shape. But inside, lives something that says, "You, spouse, aren't living up to the standard. You, children, aren't living up to the standard. Poor me, I go to all the trouble to make my face a smile shape, but you just scowl at me for no reason. Poor me, I work and work at church and all those other loafers are slack in their duty!" They say "Welcome to my home!" but what they really mean is, "Don't you dare break anything! Must you be so loud?" Yes, we are loud, and we might break something. Why can't you just say, "AHHHHHH! don't break that! You're driving me nuts, why don't you go outside?!" Instead, Nasty-Nice keeps those feelings, makes a smile. Until the day when the internal dialogue reaches a scream and they lose it in violence. And it becomes clear that sure enough, that wasn't the fruit of the spirit, but just some wax imitation.

So, I don't trust them. And I won't play the game. And I'll never survive in church...

Response to Fragipane on Unity

The following is a response to Fracis Frangipane's article, "The Credibility Factor," at http://www.frangipane.org/


Frangipane confused me a bit in the early part of this essay by stating that godly men created denominations to protect and lift up truth in a dark age--one like he claims ours is. (And I'd agree.) Yet he demotes these convictions to "traditions" and says that they aren't worth fighting for any more. He makes this appeal for a line between who to be one with and who not to: "Please remember, I am not suggesting we should strive for unity with churches that do not believe in Christ or God's word or the Holy Spirit or the virgin birth or the second coming."

The definitions of these terms matters very much. I believe in Christ. So do demons. Mormons believe in the Bible, and they believe if they are good they may be given the Holy Spirit. Jehovah Witnesses believe something about each of those things too--they think Jesus' second coming was quite a while ago. Most of my readers may not be in those sects, but each of us undoubtedly has misconceptions about some aspects of True Faith (pretty sure I do, anyway...). Obviously, just believing in some definition of those words does not embody orthodoxy and the line between who's in and who's out is not so easily drawn. But what we mean by "believe in Christ" matters, as I believe Frangipane would agree since he felt the denominational reformers were right in their early declarations.

The different aspects of truth that were lifted up at the reformation, and by others over time are worth preserving. But something else has happened as we bought one brand of Christianity and clung to it--we froze the pursuit of what these words mean to the Author of them. Imagine an ordained denominational pastor pursuing truth and finding that some of the definitions of those words that his denomination clings to are not biblical. Is he free to grow closer to truth? No, he's bought a brand and a set of beliefs and he may not preach and follow the new discoveries he's made. It would be like his congregation walking into a McDonald's and finding they no longer serve hamburgers!

And yet it is not effective to ask the various denominations to toss out truth and say, "Oh, well, it doesn't really matter WHAT you preach about Christ, so long as you use the word, we are brothers." Such an embracing of any old thing would bring about unity, but we couldn't call it Christian unity.

Unity will be developed when we stop thinking of "church" as a religious club that holds events where a guy speaks and we sing and we have monthly potlucks and try to be good together, and restore the meaning of the words that were translated as "church" in our Bibles: eklesia, the called out ones. The assembly of the saints. The household of God. The things that we call churches contain a mix of those are truly believers and those who are merely religious. There is no way around that, and it is probably as it should be (wheat and tares, and all that.) But the called out ones are the called out ones, and must love one another, where ever they are on Sunday morning.

Does love let your friend go on in destructive error? While pride and selfish ambition are sometimes expressed in arguing, a disagreement and discussion does not mean two parties are not being humble and receptive. We must pursue truth together without battling about "who's right" so much as what's true, and be free to embrace truth as we find it in the Word, without denominational constraints.

Our denominational organizations can be useful: they give us structure and a framework to in which to work. They bring order, both social and functional so that we can be with the same people week to week and do more than we could as separate believers. But if our denominations begin to say that it doesn't matter how we use the words that Frangipane lists, we need to use caution. God does mean something by what He says, and we need to understand Him with increasing accuracy, both as individuals and as congregations. Realizing the benefit of walking with other believers of every stripe in this process of Spirit powered growth is (super) natural unity.

Good Enough?

I initiated a discussion with my kids over dinner tonight, about the sermon at the Grand Prix. (See previous post.) My oldest started by saying that she liked it a lot. So I asked them what they thought the main point was. They agreed that it was that God wants us to confess our sins and loves us even when we mess up. They could accurately recount the stories he told to support his point. Then I asked them what was similar between the allegory and the reality of Christ, and they gave good, true, and perceptive answers. They were able to see some differences between what the story king did and what the real king Jesus did.

They had been listening. What they learned was predominately true and good. And it gave us a chance to talk about things.

I wish that this kind of discussion was not treason. Why is it that we must fully agree with every word and not poke and test things? I want my kids to have these discussions, in their heads, and at home. But I try to warn them strongly against trying it in church. My oldest asked me not long ago how old you had to be to argue with the teacher in church. I told her it would never be okay. That makes me sad.

I also wonder how accurate teaching needs to be to be good enough. There is a line there somewhere. I am not talking about judging others and deciding who's in and who's out of the kingdom. I'm talking about choosing one's company, one's traveling companions. I'm willing to accept that a lot of folks I think are very wrong about some things are indeed part of God's family. How much does right belief matter, anyway? This preacher kid had the main point correct: God loves us and wants us to come to him, dirty or not. If he had other parts of it mixed up, how uptight should we be about that? What he taught may put a stumbling block in front of someone. Does God take false things and teach truth through them? Surely true teachings have been taken and used to teach falsehood.

When my kids are learning to write, I do not at first insist that they spell everything right. I do not at first insist that they put spaces between their words. But as time goes on, I show them the right way to punctuate, and spell, and use language. As they grow, I expect them to move closer to "correct writing." I wonder if God does this with our theology.

But if I kept on saying, "write whatever you want, don't worry about rules or right," then my kids wouldn't move towards writing well. If correct theology isn't honored and lifted up, will we move toward orthodoxy? Or will we believe--and live--in a way that is the equivalent to gibberish and hen scratch?

And what is orthodoxy, anyway. The Holy Spirit is supposed to lead us into all truth, and yet it is possible to find a church that teaches and practices almost anything, even among those that share the same Confession. That's annoying.