Churchless Faith

We are believers without a body. What nonsense that is! Here we are, walking out a faith that says that outsiders will know we trust Christ by how we love one another, and we are largely cut off from the typical "one anothering" of a church! We find ourselves living in an age where we see the Day approaching, and completely unable to figure out how to gather together, as Hebrews 10:25 encourages us to do.

We've been told to just go to church. I'd really like to. Honest I would. But my husband and I are burdened with the impression that it matters what we believe and it matters if what we embrace is true. Can we chime in singing "More Love, More Power..." when we've been given "everything we need for life and godliness?" Shall I shrug it off when the pastor's wife attempts suicide--and not question that the faith we are pursuing together does not appear to be the abundant life that Jesus promised, marked by love, joy, peace, patience, etc? I am not asking people to be perfect. I just need the gospel preached to be the Good News that Jesus sacrificed everything to bring us.

When we go to church, we see people who are not being revived by truth and comforted by the love of one another and God. The last church we went to (for a year), charged $300 for its discipleship program--the main way people could connect with one another and learn more about their faith. This discipleship program--"Ministry Training Institute" it's called--has people listen to teaching, then break into groups and practice what they heard. They pretend that someone is unsaved, and practice what they would say to them. This baffles me. We walk by the new way of the Spirit. I assume that there are people in these groups with actual needs--hurts, wounds, questions, etc. And instead of using this time to *actually* minister and connect with one another, this time is used for posing and pretending so that they can put on a better show at some other point!

MTI also gives homework. Apparently, the students must pray with a certain number of people to receive Christ, a certain number to be "baptized in the Spirit", etc. Three different people approached me or family members to see if we wanted to help them fulfill their checklist. They didn't know us, didn't really care if they were offering what we needed or if God was leading, they only had their eyes on getting those points so they could graduate from MTI with the proper credentials. The woman who offered to pray with me to receive the spirit asked me to do so while I was in the middle of coordinating an event for 300 people! This is what is being most promoted as fellowship and growth in Christ at that church. I don't even know where to begin with that. Just go along with it? It seems like blasphemy. Pointless at best, excrutiatingly damaging at worst--that was the body that had their dear pastor's wife make an attempt on her own life. I feel for them. Am I wrong to bail off the sinking ship? Should I expose my kids to that? My husband is so discouraged by it, it locks him up for half the week just feeling so alienated. I don't even want him to go there. But where is it any different? I don't know of any place where the truth is taught and fellowship is lived. Shall I just go to church and not worry about whether what is preached is true? Shall we just go to a church where our ideas would be disruptive to what the pastor sees as the direction the church is going? We believe that tithing is wrong--not good, not neutral, but not okay at all. Do you know a church where anyone who is allowed to teach could hold that perspective? What would become of the group enthusiasm for the building project? ;-)

Expectations

Time was when my life was drawn forward by the expectation of the next great thing: getting married, graduating college, moving to another state, starting a business, expecting a baby, going on a trip. But having had my last child several years ago and moving to a home that we never expect to leave, there is no longer anything on the horizon that is so happy. I know that my children will grow up and leave. Or that someone will die. In fact, in watching the times, the next likely event coming up will be the pouring out of God's wrath in a comet strike on earth. But I don't want to "go there" now. No sense in exposing myself as a nut case right off the bat.

So, how to live. Day by day, listening to the Father's heart, laying down my life to care for those that God puts in my circle.

I find myself wondering how other people live dangling over the abyss. When there is nothing but loss to anticipate, how do others live? Of course, I do have the eternal hope of Christ's return and the resurrection/trainsformation of the Saints. But there is a whole lot of death between here and there.

Why Walk by Heart?

I am starting this blog today, because I believe in community and it is too scarce in my life. It was hard to find an available blog name that captured what my content will likely be. But Walk by Heart suits it. My quest is to learn the voice of the Holy Spirit that guided Jesus while he was on earth, and to practice obedience to it. Jesus was not a principled man--he did not walk according to external laws or teachings. He walked in response to the Father, always in step with His heart. Sometimes that meant doing things that violated godly principles: he gave alcohol to drunk people, worked on the Sabbath, was intentionally offensive--telling people to eat his flesh and drink his blood and calling religious people sons of Satan. But the Father who sent him was guiding him carefully between being crowned king and being crucified, and gave him each word and action according to his will.

I coach a LEGO robotics team where the kids must create autonomous robots that perform set missions. Jesus was not like these robots. The Father did not give him a set of instructions and set him off to figure it out the best he could. He kept him on "remote control", where Jesus did not do anything without the Father moving him to do so. When we ask, "What would Jesus do", the answer must always be, "What the Father willed in that moment, for that person." There is no way to live the Christian life except by heart, by the Spirit. We are never to be independently figuring out what is effective or appropriate.

I want to walk by heart like Jesus did.