Picking a Church

Whereas, we desire an intimate bond with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and
Whereas, we recognize the importance of giving and receiving spiritual encouragment and material participation, and
Whereas, our children need to see the relational nature of walking in Christ, and
Whereas, I need to worship and meditate to believe what is true,
We hereby sorta, kinda, maybe think perhaps we might go to church and Get Involved.

I really want to teach Sunday School and model the new covenant with kids, and do science experiments to both learn about God and the world he made. Would any church anywhere put up with a teacher that taught about the phases of matter instead of the parables of Christ (or at least, in addition to the parables?)

Chuck would love to have the chance to teach about the new covenant. But the only church around here that wouldn't burn him for a heretic is a half hour away, and its big. Do I want to take my kids to a big church? So much of what I desire for them to know about Christianity is about relationship--would they find it there? Would anyone in town identify with homeschoolers from the sticks, dressed in cloaks and telling stories in elvish about milking the cow?

I'll let you know.

I want a New Church

(sung to the melody of "I want a new drug" by Huey Lewis)

I want a new church,
One that won't make me sick,
One that won't make me work the nursery,
Or make me feel like throwing a brick.

I want a new church,
One that won't hurt my kids
One that won't say the truth's a lie,
Or select leaders by bids.

One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in you

I want a new church
One where I can talk
One that don't charge too much
or stop when He says Walk.

I want a new church
One that sings loud
One that will let us wear our cloaks
And not teach heaven's a cloud

One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in You
Only in you, Jesus, yeah

I want a new church
One that does what it should
One that won't make me pray to Satan
"You're not welcome in this 'hood"

I want a new church
One that can handle my doubt
Handle me talking too much
and not cast me out

One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in you
Only in you, Jesus, yeah

(just a little response to our latest attempt at attending church...)

Let's Go to the Potluck!

"I am only asking you to go to a potluck, not marry these people!"

"I have nothing in common with them! It isn't like I haven't tried! I spent a year trying to connect with them. We don't mean the same things by what we say. We aren't pursuing the same gospel."

"How can you say that? The same God is that is leading you is also leading them. They are saved--the Holy Spirit is in them, leading them into all truth. Yes, they are out to lunch on some points. Are you saying that you aren't?"

"I'm sure I have some things wrong. But I don't want to lose the good that I do have by soaking in what I know isn't true. And I absolutely do not want my kids taught the "try harder" gospel!"

"I don't want that either. But couldn't you just spend one day every six months talking with someone about what God is saying to them, and share what's going on in your walk and be connected a bit on what you do share in common? I feel so edified when I find that people who have very different views are being led in the same things as I am by God."

"We are different in that way. I wish I could feel that too. But I don't. I feel sad. Deeply, deeply sad that the good news that is so essential isn't preached or lived or embraced there! I know that it brings bondage and destruction to believe what they preach. I don't want to be there for the hurt that it will cause."

"Well that's very loving! 'You're bound for pain so I don't want to go with you!' I know it makes a difference when we speak the truth to each other. Even people that argue with you about the extent of the Grace of God are introduced to an iota of doubt by your saying you are so forgiven that you needn't ask for more forgiveness. They may not be pursuaded, but they are at least aware of the question! It takes time! You can't expect to walk in the door and have people change their schema the first time it is discussed!"

"I don't. I don't want to change anyone's schema. I just want fellowship. And encouragement. And they don't believe what I believe. They are trying to build faith by whipping up emotion and it is doomed."

"You are overstating the separation. And it becomes wider in your absence. You don't miss talking with Mike, or Dan, or Earl?"

"I do like talking with those guys, but they really don't understand what I'm talking about. I am a lot of work for them. I disrupt what they are doing. It is more merciful for me to not rock their boats."

"Sometimes it is more loving to rock a person's boat than to leave them in calm water."

"That's true--but only if God tells you to rock it. God didn't tell me to rock their boat."

"You are impossible. I just want to go to the potluck, sing songs and talk with people."

"I don't care if I never sing another worship song again."

"How can you say that? I love to sing. I need the bolstering of my faith that meditating on the truth brings."

"Now, see what I mean? You are using the word faith as if it was a feeling."

"Be that as it may, singing about the goodness and power of God helps me believe that it is true and makes me more likely to live like it is. And that IS faith--living like God is all that."

"Well, it doesn't do that for me, and I don't trust my heart to be led by people who obviously believe things that are false. I am not interested in entering into an altered state of consciousness at their mercy."

"I just imagine a way in which the words could be true. It works for me."

"That's great for you--but what about your kids? We have a responsiblity to raise our kids in faith. And the road of emotionalism and law will baptize them into flesh and self effort, not trusting God."

"I still want to go to the potluck."

Does this Theology make me look fat?

I am still confronted with questions of whether I am big or small in this God thing. Here are some of the implications, as I see it:

If I am Big then...
My prayers/devotion/actions or lack thereof can alter God's actions
God thinks about me all the time and finds me irresistable

If I am Small then...
God will do with me and through me as He wants, and even my conformity to this is His act
God thinks about me all the time because He is good, big, and even pays attention to tiny things

For those of you more in the Big camp, I have a question. How do you deal with the unbelievable pressure of controlling what God does? Doesn't that make you bigger than him?

For those in the Small camp, How do you avoid passivity? If God is just going to do what he's going to do, why should I pursue him? Why pray?

Pilgrim's Progress

An amazing section of Pilgrim's Progress (John Bunyan) A man named Christian is comparing notes on the journey of faith with a man named Faithful:

FAITH. But, good brother, hear me out. So soon as the man overtook me, he was but a word and a blow, for down he knocked me, and laid me for dead. But when I was a little come to myself again, I asked him wherefore he served me so. He said, because of my secret inclining to Adam the First; and with that he struck me another deadly blow on the breast, and beat me down backward; so I lay at his foot as dead as before. So, when I came to myself again, I cried him mercy; but he said, I know not how to show mercy; and with that he knocked me down again. He had doubtless made an end of me, but that one came by, and bid him forbear.
CHR. Who was that that bid him forbear?
FAITH. I did not know him at first, but as he went by, I perceived the holes in his hands and in his side; then I concluded that he was our Lord. So I went up the hill.
{178} CHR. That man that overtook you was Moses. He spareth none, neither knoweth he how to show mercy to those that transgress his law.
FAITH. I know it very well; it was not the first time that he has met with me. It was he that came to me when I dwelt securely at home, and that told me he would burn my house over my head if I stayed there.


We must take refuge in Christ. The law will kill us surely. It is good for telling us of the coming flames, but we must not walk in the way of the law, or it must kill us because it is good and holy and our flesh is not. This section is so poignant and vivid to me, because it assures me that I didn't make up my view of grace from recent bible trends, but that for hundreds of years, the gospel has been apparent and preached.

How to Walk

Gal 5:16-18 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

We are not under law, but under grace. We serve in the new way of the Spirit. In what way is it new? We are indwelt by God, a condition that we enter into by placing our faith in the finished work of Christ and continue in as we lay down our own will and submit to the leading of the Spirit. It's different because we don't look at a list of principles and try to do them, but respond rather to the Spirit. Sounds risky, doesn't it. How can I suggest that the Christian life is so subjective?

Really, it isn't that subjective. We have lists of behaviors and attitudes that indicate the shape of the Spirit's leading. He is the spirit of Love, of laying down one's life. That is the master key to discernment. But we are given more than that--we know that murderers, slanderers, and people who live vile lives are not walking in the spirit. We know that Spirit filled lives have real peace, patience, goodness--a wholesomeness. You don't end up breaking the law when you walk in the Spirit, but it is not because you are walking according to the Law.

However, when we decide to walk instead by "Biblical Principle" (read: law), we pick a verse out and ape it, put it on and call it righteousness. Take tithing, for example. We don't have any Levitical priests to support, yet this is preached in their memory, from Malacai. You *don't* see the admonition to bring throw a party in the Lord's presence with the tithe, a la Deuteronomy 14:23. We let working on the Sabbath slide, yet hang on to the rest of the 10 commandments. We chop out the mandate to stone adulterers, and select instead "No smoking." (Oh, wait, I can't find the chapter and verse for that one...) The thing is, Jesus and the apostles didn't chop up and dissect the law. Jesus referred to even the writings of Psalms as "Law." And he extended it even further, to the mind and heart--if you so much as break one bit of the moral code even in your heart, you have shattered the whole thing. You must be perfect. That is the way of the law, it cannot have mercy. It is completely different than the way of the Spirit.

The Spirit gives life, the law kills. The Spirit brings righteousness, the law stirs up sin. The law is independent and self-powered, the Spirit filled life is dependent, humble, and fully empowered by God. There is so much scriptural evidence against mixing these two covenants, I am astounded that so many speak of "balance'' in them. The law *kills*. Why do you want any of that? It leads to sin and death, and not righteousness, why mix with that? Are you really suggesting that the spirit that Jesus sent us is not enough? It raised him from the dead, but can't bring us to holiness? Baffling.

Drawing in a Breath

I am discovering a beautiful thing right now, and this blog writing has been a part of it. I am sorry if this writing doesn’t speak clearly or is contradictory or is way too long, but it is the imperfection of it that is allowing my soul to breath in the life of God. I am just going to give what I have, a partial understanding in a childish heart, and I’m going to give it with abandon, because I’m okay. I need to hash these thoughts through, and this is how I was made to do it. Maybe the process can help someone else understand something better, maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, it is still doing me a world of good.

I am accepted by the Father and given an irrevocable name. I will persevere and lay hold of my salvation. I am one of a web of Called Out Ones, and I belong. Mike, if you’re out there, I just listened to your sermon on the Indwelling vs. the Incarnation, and I receive that word from the Father that Christ is my head and He alone will lead me. I am walking in freedom and joy as I awkwardly give—in coaching the lego team, in serving my husband, in shepherding my kids, in writing rambling blog entries, in preparing to teach silly classes on paper crafts and birds, preparing for a camping trip that I could have had a bad attitude about, having friends over in my lower class home. I feel His pleasure in it.

I am discovering that I have “everything I need for life and godliness.” My heart has, in the past, turned to wanting. It would begin a sentence, “I wish….we had a church/more money/could go to Hawaii/were born with different color hair, etc.” The conviction in my husband’s heart that the Day of the Lord is coming soon to end all normal life functions, pretty much made all those wishes totally irrelevant. It took away the option of getting terribly wrapped up in preparing for my kids’ college, or redecorating, or going on a luxurious vacation, or crafting the ultimate business or ministry. So, life has been very hard without the draw forward. But I am slowly grasping the joy of the now, and the eternal hope of the future. When we realize that God is close to the broken hearted, there is no danger in having your heart broken, because the Comforter is greater than all.

Because of the Spirit, we have forever. I may only get started learning to draw now, but I will have all eternity to practice and seek mentors and find beautiful subjects. I don’t have to worry that relationships aren’t progressing as fast as I’d like, because I will have forever to get to know and enjoy my brothers and sisters in Christ. I don’t have to despise the day of small beginnings. I can step down a road, and if it is cut short now, I will have a chance to pick it up later.

I find that my wishes are silly. I wish we had a church. Yet, here around me are a great cloud of believers that support, know, and love me, as well as any cohesive church ever did. I wish I had something to offer, but I can offer the things that don't seem like much to me (because they are what I do naturally) and they are something to someone else. Go figure! Praise the Author of the Story!

Heb 10:14 ...by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

Let's hear it for the Now and the Not Yet of our hope!

Refreshing Perspective

It is nice to know we aren't the only people on the planet that perceive the gospel the way we do:

http://www.gracewalk.org/pages.asp?pageid=48977

Christian Community

I am reprinting an article here by Wayne Jacobsen, titled "Why I Don't Go to Church Anymore." It is an excellent treastise on being the church, and is balanced and without venom. I hope you will enjoy it and be encouraged--no matter where you find yourself on Sunday mornings:

Why I Don't Go To Church Anymore!
BodyLife • May 2001
By Wayne Jacobsen

Dear Fellow-believer,
I do appreciate your concern for me and your willingness to raise issues that have caused you concern. I know the way I relate to the church is a bit unconventional and some even call it dangerous. Believe me, I understand that concern because I used to think that way myself and even taught others to as well.

If you are happy with the status quo of organized religion today, you may not like what you read here. My purpose is not to convince you to see this incredible church the same way I do, but to answer your questions as openly and honestly as I can. Even if we don't end up agreeing, hopefully you will understand that our differences need not estrange us as members of Christ's body.

Where do you go to church?
I have never liked this question, even when I was able to answer it with a specific organization. I know what it means culturally, but it is based on a false premise--that church is something you can go to as in a specific event, location or organized group. I think Jesus looks at the church quite differently. He didn't talk about it as a place to go to, but a way of living in relationship to him and to other followers of his.

Asking me where I go to church is like asking me where I go to Jacobsen. How do I answer that? I am a Jacobsen and where I go a Jacobsen is. 'Church' is that kind of word. It doesn't identify a location or an institution. It describes a people and how they relate to each other. If we lose sight of that, our understanding of the church will be distorted and we'll miss out on much of its joy.

Are you just trying to avoid the question?
I know it may only sound like quibbling over words, but words are important. When we only ascribe the term 'church' to weekend gatherings or institutions that have organized themselves as 'churches' we miss out on what it means to live as Christ's body. It will give us a false sense of security to think that by attending a meeting once a week we are participating in God's church. Conversely I hear people talk about 'leaving the church' when they stop attending a specific congregation.

But if the church is something we are, not someplace we go, how can we leave it unless we abandon Christ himself? And if I think only of a specific congregation as my part of the church, haven't I separated myself from a host of other brothers and sisters that do not attend the same one I do?

The idea that those who gather on Sunday mornings to watch a praise concert and listen to a teaching are part of the church and those who do not, are not, would be foreign to Jesus. The issue is not where we are at a given time during the weekend, but how we are living in him and with other believers all week long.

But don't we need regular fellowship?
I wouldn't say we need it. If we were in a place where we couldn't find other believers, Jesus certainly would be able to take care of us. Thus, I'd phrase that a bit differently: Will people who are growing to know the Living God also desire real and meaningful connections with other believers? Absolutely! The call to the kingdom is not a call to isolation. Every person I've ever met who is thriving in the life of Jesus has a desire to share authentic fellowship with other believers. They realize that whatever they know of God's life is just in part, and only the fullest revelation of him is in the church.

But sometimes that kind of fellowship is not easy to find. Periodically on this journey we may go through times when we can't seem to find any other believers who share our hunger. That's especially true for those who find that conforming to the expectations of the religious institutions around them diminishes their relationship with Jesus. They may find themselves excluded by believers with whom they've shared close friendship. But no one going through that looks on that time as a treat. It is incredibly painful and they will look for other hungry believers to share the journey with.

My favorite expression of body life is where a local group of people chooses to walk together for a bit of the journey by cultivating close friendships and learning how to listen to God together.
Shouldn't we be committed to a local fellowship?

That has been said so often today, that most of us assume it is in the Bible somewhere. I haven't found it yet. Many of us have been led to believe that we can't possibly survive without the 'covering of the body' and will either fall into error or backslide into sin. But doesn't that happen inside our local congregations as well?

I know many people who live outside those structures and find not only an ever-deepening relationship with God, but also connections with other believers that run far deeper than they found in the institution. I haven't lost any of my passion for Jesus or my affection for his church. If anything those have grown by leaps and bounds in recent years.

Scripture does encourage us to be devoted to one another not committed to an institution. Jesus indicated that whenever two or three people get together focused on him, they would experience the vitality of church life.

Is it helpful to regularly participate in a local expression of that reality? Of course. But we make a huge mistake when we assume that fellowship takes place just because we attend the same event together, even regularly, or because we belong to the same organization. Fellowship happens where people share the journey of knowing Jesus together. It consists of open, honest sharing, genuine concern about each other's spiritual well being and encouragement for people to follow Jesus however he leads them.

But don't our institutions keep us from error?
I'm sorry to burst your bubble here, but every major heresy that has been inflicted on God's people for the last 2,000 years has come from organized groups with 'leaders' who thought they knew God's mind better than anyone around them. Conversely, virtually every move of God among people hungering for him was rejected by the 'church' of that day and were excluded, excommunicated or executed for following God.

If that is where you hope to find security, I'm afraid it is sorely misplaced. Jesus didn't tell us that 'going to church' would keep us safe, but that trusting him would. He gave us an anointing of the Spirit so that we would know the difference between truth and error. That anointing is cultivated as we learn his ways in his Word and grow closer to his heart. It will help you recognize when expressions of church you share life with becomes destructive to his work in you.

So are traditional congregations wrong?
Absolutely not! I have found many of them with people who love God and are seeking to grow in his ways. I visit a couple of dozen different congregations a year that I find are far more centered on relationship than religion. Jesus is at the center of their life together, and those who act as leaders are true servants and not playing politics of leadership, so that all are encouraged to minister to one another.

I pray that even more of them are renewed in a passion for Jesus, a genuine concern for each other and a willingness to serve the world with God's love. But I think we'd have to admit that these are rare in our communities and many only last for a short span before they unwittingly look to institutional answers for the needs of the body instead of remaining dependent on Jesus. When that happens do not feel condemned if God leads you not to go along with them.

So should I stop going to church, too?
I'm afraid that question also misses the point. You see I don't believe you're going to church any more than I am. We're just part of it. Be your part, however Jesus calls you to and wherever he places you. Not all of us grow in the same environment.

If you gather with a group of believers at a specific time and place and that participation helps you grow closer to Jesus and allows you to follow his work in you, by all means don't think you have to leave. Keep in mind, however, that of itself is not the church. It is just one of many expressions of it in the place where you live.

Don't be tricked into thinking that just because you attend its meetings you are experiencing real body life. That only comes as God connects you with a handful of brothers and sisters with whom you can build close friendships and share the real ups and downs of this journey.
That can happen among traditional congregations, as it can also happen beyond them. In the last seven years I've meet hundreds if not thousands of people who have grown disillusioned with traditional congregations and are thriving spiritually as they share God's life with others, mostly in their homes.

Then meeting in homes is the answer?
Of course not. But let's be clear: as fun as it is to enjoy large group worship and even be instructed by gifted teachers, the real joy of body life can't be shared in huge groups. The church for its first 300 years found the home the perfect place to gather. They are much more suited to the dynamics of family which is how Jesus described his body.

But meeting in homes is no cure-all. I've been to some very sick home meetings and met in facilities with groups who shared an authentic body life together. But the time I spend in regular body life I want to spend face to face with a group of people. I know it isn't popular today where people find it is far easier to sit through a finely-tuned (or not so finely-tuned) service and go home without ever having to open up our life or care about another person's journey.
But ultimately what matters most to me is not where or how they meet, but whether or not people are focused on Jesus and really helping each other on the journey to becoming like him. Meetings are less the issue here than the quality of relationships. I am always looking for people like that wherever I am and always rejoice when I find it. In our new home in Oxnard, we've found a few folks and are hopeful to find even more.

Aren't you just reacting out of hurt?
I suppose that is possible and time will tell, I guess, but I honestly don't believe so. Anyone who is engaged in real body life will get hurt at times. But there are two kinds of hurt. There's the kind of pain that points to a problem that can be fixed with the right care—such as a badly sprained ankle. Then there's the kind of pain that can only be fixed by pulling away—as when you put your hand on a hot stove.

Perhaps all of us have experienced some measure of pain as we have tried to fit God's life into institutions. For a long time most of us hung in there hoping if we tweaked a few things it would get better. Though we could be successful in limited ways during moments of renewal, we also discovered that eventually the conformity an institution demands and the freedom people need to grow in Christ are at odds with one another. It has happened with virtually every group formed throughout the history of Christianity.

Are you looking for the perfect church?
No, and I don't anticipate finding one this side of eternity. Perfection is not my goal, but finding people with God's priorities. It's one thing for people to struggle toward an ideal they share together. It's another to realize that our ideals have little in common.

I make no secret of the fact that I am deeply troubled by the state of organized Christianity. Most of what we call 'church' today are nothing more than well-planned performances with little actual connection between believers. Believers are encouraged toward a growing dependency on the system or its leadership rather than on Jesus himself. We spend more energy conforming behavior to what the institution needs rather than helping people be transformed at the foot of the cross!

I'm tired of trying to fellowship with people who only view church as a two-hour a week dumping ground for guilt while they live the rest of the week with the same priorities as the world. I'm tired of those who depend on their own works of righteousness but who have no compassion for the people of the world. I'm tired of insecure people using the Body of Christ as an extension of their own ego and will manipulate it to satisfy their own needs. I'm tired of sermons more filled with the bondage of religion than the freedom of God's love and where relationships take a back seat to the demands of an efficient institution.

But don't our children need church activities?
I'd suggest that what they need most is to be integrated into God's life through relational fellowship with other believers. 92% of children who grow up in Sunday schools with all the puppets and high-powered entertainment, leave 'church' when they leave their parents' home? Instead of filling our children with ethics and rules we need to demonstrate how to live in God's life together.

Even sociologists tell us that the #1 factor in determining whether a child will thrive in society is if they have deep, personal friendships with nonrelative adults. No Sunday school can fill that role. I know of one community in Australia who after 20 years of sharing God's life together as families could say that they had not lost one child to the faith as they grew into adulthood. I know I cut across the grain here, but it is far more important that our children experience real fellowship among believers rather than the bells and whistles of a slick children's program.

What dynamics of body life do you look for?
I'm always looking for a people who are seeking to follow the Living Christ. He is at the center of their lives, their affections and their conversation. They look to be authentic and free others to hurt when they hurt, to question what they question and to follow his voice without others accusing them of being divisive or rebellious. I look for people who are not wasting their money on extravagant buildings or flashy programs; where people sitting next to each other are not strangers; and where they all participate as a priesthood to God instead of watch passively from a safe distance.

Aren't you giving people an excuse to sit home and do nothing?
I hope not, though I know it is a danger. I realize some people who leave traditional congregations end up abusing that freedom to satisfy their own desires and thus miss out on church life altogether. Neither am I a fan of 'church hoppers', who whip around to one place after another looking for the latest fad or the best opportunity to fulfill their own selfish desires.
But most of the people I meet and talk with are not outside the system because they have lost their passion for Jesus or his people, but only because the traditional congregations near them couldn't satisfy their hunger for relationship. They are seeking authentic expressions of body life and pay an incredible cost to seek it out. Believe me, we would all find it easier just to go with the flow, but once you've tasted of living fellowship between passionate believers, it is impossible to settle for anything less.

Isn't this view of church divisive?
Not of itself. People make it divisive when they demand that people conform to their revelation of truth. Most of us on the journey are accused of being divisive because freedom can be threatening to those who find their security in a religious system. But must of us aren't trying to recruit others to leave their congregations. We see the body of Christ big enough to encompass God's people however he calls them to gather.

One of the things often said about traditional church is that Sunday morning is the most segregated hour in American culture. We only meet with people who look like we do and like things the way we do. I've found now that I have far more opportunity to get with people from a broader cross-section of his body. I don't demand others do it my way and I hope in time that those who see it differently will stop demanding we conform to theirs.

Where can I find that kind of fellowship?
There's no easy answer here. It might be right in front of you among the fellowship you're already in. It might be down the street in your neighborhood or across a cubicle at work. You can also get involved in compassionate outreaches to the needy and broken in your locality as a way to live out his life in you and meet others with a similar hunger.

Don't expect this kind of fellowship to fall easily into an organization. It is organic, and Jesus can lead you to it right where you are. Look for him to put a dozen or so folks around your life with whom you can share the journey. They may not even all go to the same congregation you do. They might be neighbors or coworkers who are following after God. Wouldn't that kind of interconnection among God's people yield some incredible fruit?

Don't expect it to be easy or run smoothly. It will take some specific choices on our part to be obedient to Jesus. It may take some training to shake off old habits and be free to let him build his community around you, but it is all worth it. I know it bothers some people that I don't take my regular place in a pew on Sunday morning, but I can tell you absolutely that my worst days outside organized religion are still better than my best days inside it. To me the difference is like listening to someone talk about golf or actually taking a set of clubs out to a course and playing golf. Being his church is like that. In our day we don't need more talk about the church, but people who are simply ready to live in its reality.

People all over the world are freshly discovering how to do that again. You can be one of them as you let him place you in his body as he desires.

© Copyright 2001 by Lifestream Ministries
Permission is hereby granted to anyone wishing to make copies for free distribution.

Successful Discipleship?

I've been listening to a sermon that our friend Mike gave at church back in July. It was about how Mary of Bethany modeled discipleship. (July 22 at this site: http://www.lwf4sq.com/LWF/resources/sermons.htm ) I am deeply frustrated listening to this. I can't really figure out what I'm supposed to hang on to in it. I can hear that I'm supposed to be passionately, obsessively focused on Christ. Yet, I'm not. The only response I have to this is to feel guilty and inferior because I'm unmoved. Sometimes I think I'm just going to hell...except I don' t think I believe in hell (anhiliationist). I don't trust this message. I can hear the truth in it—that we must love God with all our heart, soul, mind, strength. And I recall the times of my life when sacrifice was easy in pursuit of God. I have these two voices speaking in my head. The female voice is the voice of the last charismatic church we were part of. It beckons me to be engage my soul in God, drinking in who he is with every bit of my being. To be overwhelmed and carried away. The male voice, is that of my husband who says that truth makes us free and we must discover it and walk in it. It assures me that what God is and wants is not vague and slippery, and that the grand plan is more than making me feel good. It's logical, ordered and specific. And definitely missing something. Here is some of what the two voices say:


SHE says: The way to the successful Christian life: cultivate an experiential relationship with God that makes you aware of God's glory, holiness, love and power. Meditate on it, feel the rush of emotions that come through singing about it and taking in Christian art. This awareness will make you better able to hear God's voice and put you in touch with the power of God to live out his will. You'll feel exhilerated, so you'll know its working. You will want to do the right thing. You should concern yourself with trying to be as deeply engrossed in God as you can. You need to do things that make you feel like thinking about God and listening to him. The successful Christian life is defined by a mystical quality of life. God's best disciples are the ones that are passionate. The emotional certainty that is faith, and the passion that is love are what God requires.

HE says: The way to the successful Christian life is to find out what is true, which will make you truly free to walk with God. The role of the Holy Spirit is to lead us into all truth, not all feelings. So we should read the Bible searching for his essentials, and embrace them. These include a proper understanding of why Jesus came, the impact of his resurrection, the purpose of the spirit and a firm grasp of the hope that inspired the Apostles—to start with. Singing songs that make us feel things that aren't true will hurt us in this process. Feelings follow thoughts and must always be subject to what is true. They are not useful for serving God, but are a nice by product, when they happen. God isn't disappointed when we don't feel much. Love is not so much an emotion, but the laying down of self, which we will rarely feel like doing—take Jesus for example. He didn't feel like going to the cross, but he did, out of obedience to the Father and for the reward waiting for him. Faith and Love are what God requires, and neither are emotions. Faith is walking as though what is true IS true, and love is the denial of self for the best good of another.

Contrasting Covenants

I understand the Old Covenant to be this: Do what God says, and he will give you (Israel) land, prosperity and He will be your God. Fail to obey his statutes, and suffer separation and loss.

Time and again this deal is offered to them: be good, get stuff (material stuff.) Be bad, get spanked.

The Old Covenant has a measuring rod--the Law, and consequences of not meeting those standards. The Law is referred to by Christ as including even the Psalms. It is all of the teachings of the Old Testament: circumcision, the Ten Commandments, the sacrificial system, etc. The New Testament writers consisently write of it as an inviolable whole. If you break one part of it, you've shattered it all.

The energy of the Law is self-effort. YOU read the rules, YOU follow the rules, YOU get the treat. Good job, YOU.

The Law is perfect and holy, and in it is no mercy. If you put your hope in walking by these external codes, you must do it perfectly or die.

When Jesus came and taught under this Law (and his moral teachings were under law remember--the new covenant was ushered in not by his life, but by his death), he raised the stakes immeasurably. He clarified that not only being perfect on the outside was required, but also on the inside. It isn't enough to just not kill anyone, but you must not even have a murderous thought. It isn't enough to just act pure, but you can't lust in your heart of hearts. He wanted those listening to realize the hopeless situation they were in. They had no power to be perfect just as God himself is perfect. He was bringing them to a ripeness for the birth of a new thing.

The New Thing is the New Covenant. A new deal that God offered: Believe in my son, and receive eternal life. He did away with the old deal that we couldn't fulfill because of our flesh. No longer are we to be automously trying to fulfill a list of commands, making educated guesses about "What Jesus Would Do" in our place. Because of the death and resurrection of Christ, we've received the Holy Spirit, making it possible for each of us to walk as Jesus walked: connected to the heart of God, Alive like he was alive. Dimly now, and fully and brightly when he is revealed in his glory on that last day. But faith says "I have the spirit of God within me because of Christ, and I am not alone." It says this no matter what feelings or experiences may come. When thoughts flit, "I am abandoned" or "I must find my own way" we must take them captive to Christ: "No, I am adopted and will rule in Glory with my King," and "No, I leave off finding my own way and submit to the Father who loves me and fills me."

Christian Unity

We went to the community church service today. It is a once a year joint celebration in a local park, followed by a potluck lunch. The speaker spoke on Christian unity in a way that reminded me of King's "I have a dream" speech. He painted a picture of a community of believers that loved God and one another, and reached out and supported each other in practical ways. Where each person was walking in the Spirit to serve God by caring for one another in that ways for which they were gifted. I love this idea. I feel passionately about it, in fact. What I don't understand is how exactly that works.

My husband and I have "gifts" that sometimes annoy others and disrupt what they are doing. Take my rant about MTI for instance. As far as I can see, that program is a profoundly bad idea. Yet my brothers and sisters in Christ think its the best thing since sliced bread. And really, if there is no other place for folks to connect with each other or introduction to the basics of the gospel, it may be better than the nothing that they had. While I can fully support drawing together to learn more, how can I smile and sit by while we pretend to minister instead of actually doing it? And if everyone smiles and acts like it is fulfilling, they will continue to do it, ignoring real needs and good doctrine (in my opinion!) So, I feel like it is my calling in situations like that to say something. I don't mean attack people or accuse anyone, I mean to talk about how it impacted me personally and hold it up against scripture.

So, does love keep showing up when it doesn't make people happy? We have felt like God was telling us to leave these people alone and stop sweating it. So we've left them (and ourselves) alone. But if we were to be in the body, somehow and some way, what would that look like? Our doctrine is different than other believers, though they don't seem to think so. It appears to me like believing the truth is critically important--spiritual health, community, and perhaps salvation itself rest on it. I don't know how to be quiet when the preaching violates what I understand of Christ. Not that I know or understand everything, but even my questions seem not okay. It isn't up for discussion--we all know that Jesus Christ died for our sins and rose again. But why? And what does that mean for my present, my future? Why is that good news? I need to hear that stuff.

Churchless Faith

We are believers without a body. What nonsense that is! Here we are, walking out a faith that says that outsiders will know we trust Christ by how we love one another, and we are largely cut off from the typical "one anothering" of a church! We find ourselves living in an age where we see the Day approaching, and completely unable to figure out how to gather together, as Hebrews 10:25 encourages us to do.

We've been told to just go to church. I'd really like to. Honest I would. But my husband and I are burdened with the impression that it matters what we believe and it matters if what we embrace is true. Can we chime in singing "More Love, More Power..." when we've been given "everything we need for life and godliness?" Shall I shrug it off when the pastor's wife attempts suicide--and not question that the faith we are pursuing together does not appear to be the abundant life that Jesus promised, marked by love, joy, peace, patience, etc? I am not asking people to be perfect. I just need the gospel preached to be the Good News that Jesus sacrificed everything to bring us.

When we go to church, we see people who are not being revived by truth and comforted by the love of one another and God. The last church we went to (for a year), charged $300 for its discipleship program--the main way people could connect with one another and learn more about their faith. This discipleship program--"Ministry Training Institute" it's called--has people listen to teaching, then break into groups and practice what they heard. They pretend that someone is unsaved, and practice what they would say to them. This baffles me. We walk by the new way of the Spirit. I assume that there are people in these groups with actual needs--hurts, wounds, questions, etc. And instead of using this time to *actually* minister and connect with one another, this time is used for posing and pretending so that they can put on a better show at some other point!

MTI also gives homework. Apparently, the students must pray with a certain number of people to receive Christ, a certain number to be "baptized in the Spirit", etc. Three different people approached me or family members to see if we wanted to help them fulfill their checklist. They didn't know us, didn't really care if they were offering what we needed or if God was leading, they only had their eyes on getting those points so they could graduate from MTI with the proper credentials. The woman who offered to pray with me to receive the spirit asked me to do so while I was in the middle of coordinating an event for 300 people! This is what is being most promoted as fellowship and growth in Christ at that church. I don't even know where to begin with that. Just go along with it? It seems like blasphemy. Pointless at best, excrutiatingly damaging at worst--that was the body that had their dear pastor's wife make an attempt on her own life. I feel for them. Am I wrong to bail off the sinking ship? Should I expose my kids to that? My husband is so discouraged by it, it locks him up for half the week just feeling so alienated. I don't even want him to go there. But where is it any different? I don't know of any place where the truth is taught and fellowship is lived. Shall I just go to church and not worry about whether what is preached is true? Shall we just go to a church where our ideas would be disruptive to what the pastor sees as the direction the church is going? We believe that tithing is wrong--not good, not neutral, but not okay at all. Do you know a church where anyone who is allowed to teach could hold that perspective? What would become of the group enthusiasm for the building project? ;-)

Expectations

Time was when my life was drawn forward by the expectation of the next great thing: getting married, graduating college, moving to another state, starting a business, expecting a baby, going on a trip. But having had my last child several years ago and moving to a home that we never expect to leave, there is no longer anything on the horizon that is so happy. I know that my children will grow up and leave. Or that someone will die. In fact, in watching the times, the next likely event coming up will be the pouring out of God's wrath in a comet strike on earth. But I don't want to "go there" now. No sense in exposing myself as a nut case right off the bat.

So, how to live. Day by day, listening to the Father's heart, laying down my life to care for those that God puts in my circle.

I find myself wondering how other people live dangling over the abyss. When there is nothing but loss to anticipate, how do others live? Of course, I do have the eternal hope of Christ's return and the resurrection/trainsformation of the Saints. But there is a whole lot of death between here and there.