Carrots

Rev 2:7 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.
Persevere in the faith of the first love, and you will have eternal life.

Rev 2:11 He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death.
Keep hold of the faith that keeps trusting God when suffering comes, and death itself will have no sting for you.

Rev 2:17 To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.
Persist in refusing to go with the crowd, and you will be sustained and owned by your Father.

Rev 2:26 To him who overcomes and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations-
Resist corrupt leadership's pull toward corruption and stand steadfast and you will be leaders in the coming age.

Rev 3:4-5. 5 He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels.
Keep on walking in a more and more holy fashion and you will live and be accepted.

Rev 3:122 Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on him my new name.
Keep on claiming Christ as your Saviour, and even though you're weak, I will protect you, own you, and give you a permanent home.

Rev 3:211 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.
Continue in the good works that I've laid out for you, and you will sit down at last to rest in a place of honor.

Rev 21:7-8He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

A shining new earth with a glorious ruler will be the reward of those who stay the course to the end.

Repentence Illustrated (ouch)

I quoted this verse a while ago:
Rev 3:17-227 You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.

I was talking about the pit of self-sufficiency and this call to dependence on God. I am revisiting it tonight.

I was feeling empty and raw after preparing for Thanksgiving, celebrating it with happy feasts with loved ones, and today shopping all day for Christmas, leaving my dear family and friends at home. I realized after a while that this verse (from Isa 55) was rolling around in my head:
Why spend money on what is not bread,and your labor on what does not satisfy? Indeed, it is mighty hard to avoid the temptation to spend my strength on things that don't satisfy right now. Well, okay, always! I looked it up to see the context and found the rest:

Isa 55:1-3"Come, all you who are thirsty,come to the waters;and you who have no money,come, buy and eat!Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. 2 Why spend money on what is not bread,and your labor on what does not satisfy?Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. 3 Give ear and come to me;hear me, that your soul may live.I will make an everlasting covenant with you,my faithful love promised to David.

Cross referencing that with the Revelation verse, I was just slammed with another layer.

Jesus is the gold that was refined by fire. We can "buy" him (though we are poor) by spending ourselves, yielding our will for his much more satisfying way, a way full of worth, hope. No, it isn't for a way. It's Him. We get Him, the treasure. And as we submit to the Spirit inside us, we see what we have and benefit from it, our soul is satisfied. When I chase tasty food, idealized family expectations, the perfect gift, all that--it doesn't satisfy. Those are nice things, but if I spend my "money" (strength, attention, devotion, time, value) on them, I will be empty.

I say, "I am rich and don't need a thing." I do. You've heard me--lamenting how wonderful my life is and how I am afraid of losing it. Pah! I spend 98% of my time sinning (and I'm probably being arrogant to say that!) No, I don't mean that I'm breaking the 10 commandments, I mean that I am not acting as if I believe the truth: God is good, I'm okay, He's with me and sees, He'll reward obedience and discipline disobedience, my children are His, etc. Most the time I don't act like all those things are true.

I am rich and don't need a thing? I just spent a half hour with a sobbing child who can't stand that people kill animals to eat them. And it is horrible. I'm not an animal rights activist, I'm a farmer--and I'm telling you, it's horrible to kill things. They don't like to die, and it is unpleasant, no way around it--blood, flesh, fur, mess, smell. Will I eat meat? Yes. And use animal products. But I don't think this will be the way when the King is on His throne. He has been generous with us to allow this use of His creation, but eating meat is a part of the fall. I'm rich and don't need a thing? I live in a ruined world, with a ruined soul.

Someone did something to affront me yesterday. I wasn't really offended, but I exposed their faux pas to two others that I knew would judge that person. I did it so I could enjoy the glory of being wronged but overlooking it. "I am rich and don't need a thing?" Mercy, I need mercy. I am poor, and blind, and uncovered and I don't even know I'm pitiful and wretched. Lord, let me lay down my foolish ways and drink of you. You are my only bread, my only satisfaction, I believe you that as I submit my moments to you that I will delight in the richest of fare: Your very Self. Help my unbelief.

Update on the Dirt Battle

I am sure many of you are wondering how I'm doing on cleaning my house. Well, both of you. Except, you, Kevin, since you've been here lately, so you know where I'm at with this already. But I digress...

I am still chipping away at my house. For about a month now, I've been more or less doing what my schedule says that I'm supposed to be doing. I've hauled a number of boxes away to goodwill and the burn pile. Each room is roughed out--it can be vacuumed, and at least the dirtiest parts have been wiped down. I had no idea how dirty my house was. I've painted our master bathroom--it had never been painted in 10 years, and had smudges not only from five years of our family, but also three other renting families before us...ew! So that's WAY better, although it took me several days to adjust to the color. Our bedroom is in bad need of paint also, but I want to paint the trim around the house first. It's really bad.

To my perception, it is still really embarassing. I don't have a hope of making it all spiffy. BUT, several things are really nice: I can have company whenever I want, and the house is pretty close to as good as it can be for now. When the day's chores are done, they are done: we can play, and I don't have to feel like I should run for cover when my hubby's truck pulls in, no matter what nonsense I'm engaged in. And things just go smoother like this. If someone gets sick, they have a clean toilet to barf in. If you need a piece of paper or pencil, it doesn't take a half hour to find one. My cell phone has a place that it belongs, and on a good day, I can answer it when it rings instead of going on a frantic hunt. When I get up, I can make breakfast because there are no dishes in my way. I've arranged storage in each of the bedrooms for the items they contain. It isn't necessarily perfect storage--metal office shelves in the little kids' room, stacked wooden boxes making closet shelves in another--but things aren't in heaps so much, things can be put away. It's getting more practical every day.

I am tired. I got fed up this week and wondered if normal people spend this much time cleaning. According to the internet, yep, they do--and normal people don't have such helpful children as I do, either. I can't complain. It's a very good life, even with scrubbing floors. And getting my chores done makes me free to give, which is a great pleasure.

The Repulsive Christ

One thing that really strikes me in reading through the gospels with the kids is that Jesus worked hard to put people off. Anytime the crowds are too overwhelmingly supportive, and begin to border on crowning him their king, he says things like "Eat my flesh" and "Hate your mother and Father" and "take up your cross" (which was a humilating and abasing way that only the lowest were executed), "liquidate your wealth and donate it." He makes it *hard* for people to come to him.

We just read the section in Luke where Jesus is telling them to count the cost of being a disciple, and telling them it will cost them everything.

The first thing that hits me in reading these things is how unlike today's church ministries was Christ's ministry. We lower the bar, using immoral TV shows to illustrate points, video games and coffee bars to make people feel at home, slick music videos and all manner of ways to make people comfortable, make church cool, make the message clear and attractive. Jesus made the message hard to understand and offensive--on purpose. He taught in riddles. He told people that unless they were willing to do the hardest things, then don't bother coming. He didn't just give recommendations on how to be successful, but told them to be "Perfect." He also called religious people names like hypocrit and snake, and other things that would certainly be called divisive and critical.

Am I saying that it is wrong to use media and seeker-friendly means to bring people to Christ? Am I saying we should be more like Jesus by being inflamatory and obtuse? No, not really. But I think, as we make those decisions, we do have to ask ourselves why Jesus didn't do everything he could to collect the largest number of followers he could. And perhaps there is something in that motive that we could learn from. God is not a God that does everything possible to pave a road for people to come to him. He made a way, but it is not a highway. He loves us, but he isn't easy.

The other thing that really squeezes my heart is the demand for total allegiance, and unshakeable commitment. There were days when I could make declarations about how fully committed I am and how permanent my faith was. But now, I find my heart weak, and my faith flimsy. I can teach my children how worthy the Lord is and how good our hope is, but that doesn't mean that my own heart never waivers. I get tripped up in looking to the future. I feel full of the grace of God today, when the only death in my life is having to get off the computer and make lunch. But what about when I need more sustenance than that? Can God still raise the dead? What a silly nail-biter I am. I'm glad that God gives me the daily manna I need, and I know from past days of suffering that he gives a double portion of his presence in those times. May I walk fearlessly.

Never Trust Anyone...

until you know what they struggle with. Because everybody struggles with something, and if you can't see it on the surface, you can be sure it's lurking under there somewhere. Best you know if it is molesting children or obsessively cleaning their house.

Repentence

What is repentence? If you've been in church for more than ten minutes, you likely know that that repentence is to turn around, to change your thinking. But in what way does our thinking change in repentence? Usually, when we are doing something wrong, we know and think it is wrong and do it anyway. We say in our heart, "Yep, God, this is wrong. Here I go again!" So how does repentence differ than this helpless or rebellious stance?

We need to go back to the nature of our original repentence as our example. When we first came to God, we came to Him because we realized that we couldn't make our life work, that we were broken and needed to be saved. We start walking with God as we believed his word that he would take us, save us, and be with us to live his life through us. It was, at its foundation, a laying down of trust in ourselves and a placing of trust in Him instead.

All repentence is of this same nature. Sin, at its core, is faithlessness: an action that declares our committment to meeting our own needs rather than trusting God to act on our behalf. We are lonely or craving comfort so we turn to sexual sin, rather than stay in the suffering and wait on God. We resent our stingy boss and compensate by helping ourselves to office resources, rather than believe God is taking care of us. We are hurt by our spouse's careless words, and steel our hearts against futher injury, rather than rest in the declared love of God--a position of strength even in vulnerability. If you want to fruitfully repent--to see change that makes it natural to not sin, Believe in the rest God has provided.

We don't have to produce a perfect life. We aren't going to--but the blood of Jesus has that covered. It is no longer our problem to make something of ourselves. We are the subjects of our Maker, and we have entered a covenant of trust and submission to his leading Spirit within us. We remove all human-applied labels: "Successful," "Loser," "Smart," "Slow," "Worthless," "Talented," etc, and we wear only one: "His." As His child, we abandon self-definition. He will make us what he desires as we submit in the moments, and in the end, we will be something beautiful, and entirely of his making. That's repentence.

Repentence is resting in the finished work of Christ, the Spirit's abiding presence, and in the hope of his physical return to set up a perfect kingdom on earth. When we act to meet our own needs for significance, comfort, or whatever, we let go of the much better thing he has offered. If you want to stop sinning, find the point of faith: what is God calling you to believe? Because it is as you embrace what is true and put your feet in the path that follows logically, that you will find youself walking in faith and the resulting righteousness.

What's in it for me?

"If laying your life down for Christ is going to get you something then you are missing the whole point of being a Christian."

I got a comment from someone with this quote. I have to say, if we get nothing for laying down our lives, then we are simply engaging in pointless self destruction, and I don't know why a healthy person would do that. God is not asking us to lay down our lives for nothing. Laying down our lives is the essence of Walking in the Spirit--and it will yield many personal benefits--love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, self-control, etc. God will also reward us eternally for it. He is faithful to reward those who seek him, and his ways are good.

I think that this belief is also falsely pious. You got saved because there was something in it for YOU, not God. What did God get by saving you from destruction? Certainly, we walk in gratitude for what God has done. But God knows we are weak and small. God alone is great. The greatest believer's pile of "something for God" is the tiniest thing, no where near a worthy sacrifice. We are the beficiaries in Christ, not God. It isn't selfish or greedy to say so, it's acknowledgement of our smallness and His Greatness.

We need to understand that God is not on a quest to get blood from a turnip. He offers us the good works to do, gives us the will and power to do them, and also the reason to step into them--not just gratitude, but also temporal and eternal reward for obedience and disclipline for disobedience. It's all His. The glory for it is All His. Why does he give us good works to do? Because it is good for us to participate with Him in what he's doing--a blessing. Does he need us to serve him? No, we serve as a priveledge and blessing--like a poor person allowed to drive a rich person's car to deliver the gift of the rich person to someone in need, and in return the driver gets a million dollars. His goodness is all out of proportion to ours, and there is absolutely more in it for us than Him.

So I do not think that it is out of line to consider that as we lay down our lives, we receive many blessings much greater than what we lay down. That is WHY we lay down our lives, not because God has something to gain from us.

Picking a Church

Whereas, we desire an intimate bond with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and
Whereas, we recognize the importance of giving and receiving spiritual encouragment and material participation, and
Whereas, our children need to see the relational nature of walking in Christ, and
Whereas, I need to worship and meditate to believe what is true,
We hereby sorta, kinda, maybe think perhaps we might go to church and Get Involved.

I really want to teach Sunday School and model the new covenant with kids, and do science experiments to both learn about God and the world he made. Would any church anywhere put up with a teacher that taught about the phases of matter instead of the parables of Christ (or at least, in addition to the parables?)

Chuck would love to have the chance to teach about the new covenant. But the only church around here that wouldn't burn him for a heretic is a half hour away, and its big. Do I want to take my kids to a big church? So much of what I desire for them to know about Christianity is about relationship--would they find it there? Would anyone in town identify with homeschoolers from the sticks, dressed in cloaks and telling stories in elvish about milking the cow?

I'll let you know.

I want a New Church

(sung to the melody of "I want a new drug" by Huey Lewis)

I want a new church,
One that won't make me sick,
One that won't make me work the nursery,
Or make me feel like throwing a brick.

I want a new church,
One that won't hurt my kids
One that won't say the truth's a lie,
Or select leaders by bids.

One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in you

I want a new church
One where I can talk
One that don't charge too much
or stop when He says Walk.

I want a new church
One that sings loud
One that will let us wear our cloaks
And not teach heaven's a cloud

One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in You
Only in you, Jesus, yeah

I want a new church
One that does what it should
One that won't make me pray to Satan
"You're not welcome in this 'hood"

I want a new church
One that can handle my doubt
Handle me talking too much
and not cast me out

One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in you
Only in you, Jesus, yeah

(just a little response to our latest attempt at attending church...)

Freedom of Finished Chores

I thought you all might like to know my house isn't a mess any more. It is a long way from a magazine cover, but the big messes are taken care of and I'm chipping away at the disasterous drawers and closets and dirt encrusted everything.

I found a sketch book I drew in a few years ago while cleaning and leafed through it. My children's younger eyes looked back at me, as I saw them with my own younger eyes. I had written on each sketch things like "Eyes too close together" "Nose too long" "looks human but not a good likeness", as if had I not written it there, someone might think I thought these pieces were good enough! It made me sick. The drawings were beautiful, and while not professional quality, were a welcome gift across time, a witness to the emotional connection between me and my little ones.

So, I'm trying to see my home through the eyes that should have seen those drawings. It is *home* above all, and not a show case of perfection. This is where we laugh, cry, eat, welcome friends, hash out life with family, and live. May I not lose the pleasure of resting in *home* while worrying about missing trim and too much dust.

PS--my husband still isn't happy, but it isn't about the house now, he's moved on to hating his job and worrying about the collapse of the US economy.

The Last Beautiful Day

Today is the last beautiful day. Today, the sun will cast golden light on fiery leaves, and we'll stomp them into crackly oblivion under our feet. Tomorrow, it will rain and blow and they will be soggy and dead and the chance will be gone for another year. But today is the last day to squeeze delight from worn out summertime. We'll laugh loud, and run, and not think of tomorrow's rain. We'll climb a tree and eat an apple and pitch to core to splatter on the post. We'll sit together, and huddle tight in chilling air and watch the last pale blue green sunset.

Today is the last beautiful day. There is much to prepare: the gutters will overrun if they are full of leaves, and must be cleaned today or our walls may rot. It should have been done last week. The rain is coming soon, and there is firewood that will be wet if we do not haul it today, we have too little and will be cold for winter if there is no dry wood. The several cords we have may not last the season. The rain is coming, and it will cut us off from playing outside with friends and neighbors. We need to bring in the outdoor furniture so that it doesn't spoil this winter. We've been too lax, we must dig in and use this last chance to brace for winter.

The Relational Nature of our Hope

Here's the thing: if our hope is not foundationally one of relationship with each other and God, I despair of putting stock in it.

Laying down my life and following Christ that I may have a life where I get power and authority and majestic responsibility does not move me. In light of what must be endured, I see no point. God may well be holy and good and worthy and the only one, but I do not find enough in that hope to awaken the faith to persevere.

When I connect with others, and sing songs that waken the relational part of me, I can hope. That gives me solice and lifts my head: not only is life offered, but it is a life worth living. Not a perfect machine, but a breathing thing with tender unexpectedness.

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self control--where are these revealed if not in relationships, even broken ones? How can they be provoked, or honed, or seen without connection with others? What meaning do they have without that context?

Gathering Roses

Once, there was a girl child whose heart was the soul of springtime. But she lived as an orphan in the hard city, where winter seemed to rule even in the heat of summer. Then one day, a kindly man brought her to live with him at his large country estate, as his very own daughter and heir.

"This is your home now, and in time, you will be the mistress of it all. For now, you may fill your heart gathering every flower you wish in its gardens, and grow and learn and become worthy of what will be given to you." He loved her dearly, and watched with a full heart as she flitted about the garden, pausing to admire each rose and lily, choosing the best to add to her burgeoning bouquet. She kissed him with gratitude.

But the next morning, she remembered the early years, alone in the city. It seemed incredible that so much could truly be hers. She poked her head in the old man's study and cleared her throat, "Excuse me sir, I was wondering if I might pick a few of the red roses today?"

"Of course, child, they are yours! You needn't ask, every flower is your own." She smiled, courtsied, and scampered to gather the roses.

Later that afternoon, she came upon an unexplored part of the garden, where grew a towering lilac tree with the most exquisite blossoms that filled the air with the perfume of their wonder. She touched them in silence, almost reverence. Though her skin was white and clean, she still remembered herself the street urchin she had been, and withdrew her hand. Yet her heart ached to add them to her bouquet. Her benefactor came slowly up the path behind her.

"Please, sir. Might I also have this lilac, to cut?" she asked, not daring to meet his eyes, feeling that she had already been given so much, it was sheer greed to request yet more.

"Dear one, it is your lilac already. Pick it if you will," he replied quietly.

She hugged him, overwhelmed with his new generosity, and carefully added one of the delicate beauties to her bouquet.

They shared dinner that night in the grand dining room, cozy at the dark wood table, topped with the splendid bouquet.

The night air was sweet, and as it came through the girls open window, the girl fell quickly asleep, but dreamed of the cold.

The next morning, she dressed. Her heart remembered the day before and the splendor of the garden. Though she had drank in every bit of it, her heart was so long starved of color and of tender things that grow, the yearning was unquenched. She crept down the hall to the master's room once more.

She knocked and he beckoned her come. She stood quiet before him, and looked at the floor as she asked, "Please, sir, might I gather flowers in the garden once more?"

Silence met her request as her eyes stayed on her shoes. She knew that she should not have had the audacity to be so greedy! How could she be so presumptious when he had already been so kind! Yet the need in her heart for these delicate twists of color and scent could not be satiated. Finally she raised her eyes to catch a glimpse of his face.

There were tears in his eyes, and finally he sighed.

"I have told you before, the gardens are yours and every flower in them. You are my own daughter now. I would have you believe me, and accept the gifts I give. I didn't tell you before, but these gardens are my life's work. I dug the ground myself, turning each bit with the spade, and I watchfully cared for each seed as it grew. I pruned them and shaped them, all with the desire that one day my child may come and enjoy them. My mind has been on you, all these years, as I have worked. Finally, I have given this gift, and you will not take it. Please, receive the garden. Do not cut my heart again by asking for what is already yours."

The spring child finally understood what she had received, and her own eyes filled with tears. She hugged him tight around the neck and didn't let go for a very long time. Then the two of them went hand and hand to the garden, to gather roses.


It has pleased our Father to provide cleansing for every sin we commit or ever will commit. He has paid dearly with the blood of his Son to complete payment that we could be totally forgiven. Let us not, in the hold of a contrite heart that desires to express repentence, ask again for what he has already given: forgiveness. If he has not totally forgiven us already, then we are dead in our sins. His holiness is too high for the wages of sin to be anything less than death. As we are in Christ, the demanded life debt has been paid once and for all. May we come to him and repent of our every unfaithfulness, and confess our sins one to another, without insulting the Christ who has completely forgiven us. Let us not ask again for the forgiveness that is already given, but humbly thank him for it, as we discover daily how profound our need of it is.

Order in the House

I just read a book called "Get Your Act Together" by Pam Young and her sister. They are a couple of reformed slobs, who share their system and encouragement with recovered slob wannabes.

Remarkably, reading the book has not distracted me from my household duties too much. We have gotten most of the house pretty straightened up this last week and a half. The plan is to get rid of as much junk as I can, and actually *do* the hour of housework that is written in my schedule every afternoon. It appears that I (or something) have finally convinced my hubby that it is habits that will save us, and now he is nagging me to change my habits instead of cleaning like a maniac for a day or two to fix it all at once. I don't know who this person is that has so changed his tune, but what he is speaking is indeed the only way to lasting peace.

I've hauled at least ten boxes away to goodwill, and many trash sacks to the garbage. I gave away things at mini school today. There is more to go in every room of the house. The SLOB sisters say that most houses need to get rid of 90% of their junk to be manageable! Yikes, that seems like a lot! But, wow, it would be like a dream to have that much less to take care of.

So, now I'm accountable to all of you. I am getting rid of junk, defending clean space, and doing my hour each day! If any of you in Africa, Europe or Asia want to encourage me to keep on this, feel free! (I can't imagine why anyone so far off would care what I have to say!)

Empty Feeling

I was talking with my 12 yo a couple nights ago, about life. She was complaining that the other girls at AWANA just sit and talk and don't work on their books and don't seem to care about God at all. So I asked her, "Is God YOUR center?" She squirmed uncomfortably. She feels guilty for not praying more, not reading her Bible more. And of course, we don't go to church. We are trying to train our kids to listen to the Holy Spirit, but dd says she doesn't hear him, doesn't know what we mean.

I really don't know what to say to that. If we were back in the Vineyard, they'd grab her and lay on hands so that she could be "baptised with the Holy Spirit." I don't know what to make of that any more. I find that among my friends, there is no real difference between those that are "spirit filled" and those that are not in terms of spiritual satisfaction, righteousness, power, etc. Everybody just seems to be bumping along blind, happy in greater or lesser degrees according to their personality and circumstances. It doesn't look much like the book of Acts, to me, in any church on the block.

I don't believe that God has taken spiritual gifts away. I do believe we have everything we need for life and godliness. If there is weakness in us, it must be from lack of faith in the finished work of Christ, not because we've tied God's hands.

It looks like a really anemic season in the life of the church.

I hate Luke

As I've mentioned, I'm reading some gospels with my kids at breakfast. The book of John was great fun, and really lit my faith. But we're reading Luke now, and I hate it. My hubby says that Luke is all about the supernatural, and I see that, but it seems so much less cohesive to me than John's account. John is really intense about Christ being the Son of the Father, and his connection with Him, and how he never does anything that the father isn't telling him to do. Luke never seems to mention this connection, but is really wowed by the miracles that fall out of it. I think we will read Acts after this, then Romans. We'll slog through. I'm sure we're getting SOMETHING out of it...