My flesh screams, "I am NOT okay!" and it prattles on a list of failures and fears to prove its point. My timid soul asks, "Am I okay?" I know, my earlier poem promised that I wouldn't ask this any more, but I'm not soaked with okayness yet.
It's the Bible that kills me on this. Scriptures that say things like "I would that you were hot or cold, but you are lukewarm and I'm about to vomit you up," or "You are not the ones that shrink back and are destroyed (ha!)..." or any number of other verses that present the importance of standing in faith--which I suck at. I'm not talking about all the religious things I'm bad at. It doesn't really bug me that I don't pray the way I think others might say I should, or that we don't punch a clock at a church. I don't feel guilty for not singing worship songs, or volunteering at the soup kitchen or serving in the nursery somewhere. What slays me is my disobedience to the Spirit within me that says "Engage with your kids." It isn't like I never obey that voice--I do. But I know that my obedience is so slight and my failure is so great.
I'll have to finish this later. Kids calling.
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2 comments:
Very interesting, and it struck a cord within me. Thanks for sharing.
I totally know what you are talking about. Abby and I both know the direction God's Spirit has led us in relationship with our kids, but it is SO HARD to walk it out. I will pray for you. (I'd do it right now as I am typing, but I don't know if that would weird you out or not... so I will just do it when I am done typing.)
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