Trust

I am thinking about attending a church class. Actually, it's the MTI class I ranted about previously. Why would I consider it? Because it addresses the foundations of faith, and I find that when I am confronted with perspectives that I don't share, it propels me into the Word to see if there is any substance to my view or the other. It makes me grow. What most gives me pause is the chance to share ministry time with others. (Well, that and swallowing my pride by participating with something I rejected!)

When I reflect on my time in that body, I find that lack of trust on my part was a huge barrier. I do not trust God in others--at least not THOSE others. So I just went back to the Bible for a quick look at "trust." I found a few key points:

*We aren't to trust in ourselves or personal strength.
*We aren't to judge now, because we don't see the motives of other's hearts.
* We are to trust wholly in God, who is able to give us Life at the resurrection or cast us into eternal death.

But I could find little on trusting others. It looks like we are to be wise, and not "cast our pearls before swine." Christ did not entrust himself to man, but held himself to God to be defined and informed by Him. In the last days when evil prevails, we are instructed in Micah to trust no one. But I don't think we are quite to that point of total depravity. I don't yet know anyone who has been betrayed to death by their children! And we are to be one just as the Father and the Son are one. I don't see how that can happen without a wealth of trust flowing both ways.

So, what do I think is going to happen if I trust my brothers and sisters? I think I will be misunderstood and that will make me feel like a freak. If I am real, people will get mad at me, because I argue with ideas they are attached to. I don't like that, it hurts. If I am vulnerable and ask for prayer, I will be counseled to do things I think are wrong--such as asking for forgiveness (I already got saved, and am forgiven--I would not insult Christ by implying that he didn't do a good enough job with my sin), or tithing so I can be blessed (law, flesh, selfishness...), or maybe the other person will attempt to cast out a demon (diagnosing that I'm a victim) when what I really need is to be called to repentence (to accept my responsibility). Arguing about theology and the foundations of our faith are not what I want to do when I am in need: I just want someone who understands the big picture to be beside me, hear my confession, pray for me. I have experienced ministry in the other situation. It feels like gravel in the mechanism. God still speaks and moves, though. Should I jump into that place because it is so exquisitely pulverizing?

My belief structure says that I don't get to decide what I'm going to do, because I'm not my own. If God tells me to go be a part of a Lutheran church, or Morman Church, or Baptist or any other, I am to go do it. But if he says not, then I may not. What I hear from God on this is so much dial tone. I have in the past felt like I was emphatically NOT to be going to church. But how then do we participate in the give/take of the body and introduce our children to Christian community, such an essential of our faith?

To go to church would mean that I could trust God in others. I would have to relax and figure, "Oh well, this all seems like an affront to the Most High to me, but I guess I'll go along with it and see what happens." Humility or insanity, I just don't know.