I am discovering a beautiful thing right now, and this blog writing has been a part of it. I am sorry if this writing doesn’t speak clearly or is contradictory or is way too long, but it is the imperfection of it that is allowing my soul to breath in the life of God. I am just going to give what I have, a partial understanding in a childish heart, and I’m going to give it with abandon, because I’m okay. I need to hash these thoughts through, and this is how I was made to do it. Maybe the process can help someone else understand something better, maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, it is still doing me a world of good.
I am accepted by the Father and given an irrevocable name. I will persevere and lay hold of my salvation. I am one of a web of Called Out Ones, and I belong. Mike, if you’re out there, I just listened to your sermon on the Indwelling vs. the Incarnation, and I receive that word from the Father that Christ is my head and He alone will lead me. I am walking in freedom and joy as I awkwardly give—in coaching the lego team, in serving my husband, in shepherding my kids, in writing rambling blog entries, in preparing to teach silly classes on paper crafts and birds, preparing for a camping trip that I could have had a bad attitude about, having friends over in my lower class home. I feel His pleasure in it.
I am discovering that I have “everything I need for life and godliness.” My heart has, in the past, turned to wanting. It would begin a sentence, “I wish….we had a church/more money/could go to Hawaii/were born with different color hair, etc.” The conviction in my husband’s heart that the Day of the Lord is coming soon to end all normal life functions, pretty much made all those wishes totally irrelevant. It took away the option of getting terribly wrapped up in preparing for my kids’ college, or redecorating, or going on a luxurious vacation, or crafting the ultimate business or ministry. So, life has been very hard without the draw forward. But I am slowly grasping the joy of the now, and the eternal hope of the future. When we realize that God is close to the broken hearted, there is no danger in having your heart broken, because the Comforter is greater than all.
Because of the Spirit, we have forever. I may only get started learning to draw now, but I will have all eternity to practice and seek mentors and find beautiful subjects. I don’t have to worry that relationships aren’t progressing as fast as I’d like, because I will have forever to get to know and enjoy my brothers and sisters in Christ. I don’t have to despise the day of small beginnings. I can step down a road, and if it is cut short now, I will have a chance to pick it up later.
I find that my wishes are silly. I wish we had a church. Yet, here around me are a great cloud of believers that support, know, and love me, as well as any cohesive church ever did. I wish I had something to offer, but I can offer the things that don't seem like much to me (because they are what I do naturally) and they are something to someone else. Go figure! Praise the Author of the Story!
Heb 10:14 ...by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
Let's hear it for the Now and the Not Yet of our hope!
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2 comments:
Thank you for that fresh perspective on the verse about the Great Cloud of Witnesses... we are not alone, no matter how alone we may be.
Through this time of challenge in my life, my discontentment and overwhelming fears fade in the light of His presence... There is no room for them, they become irrelevant. It is not a constant thing, but I do have moments... and my biggest fear is of forgetting how much I depended on Him and how much He has done during this time, once it is over.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog the other day. I read several of your posts and I find it fascinating that I can relate so strongly to what you write about, despite the fact that I am not Christian. I find that your frustrations with the church reflect the way I feel about work, my volunteer groups, the government, etc.
Your post today is particularly interesting to me. I try to live in the present and I often get frustrated with myself and more often with other people who waste time in fear of the future or despair over the past.
But just from your profile description alone, I could tell you were my kind of people.
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