I had the most beautiful Christmas. There were enough (but not too many) gifts, my loved ones were around me, the food was yummy, the fun was fun, and IT SNOWED!!! The kids let us sleep in until 7:30am, and it was all just inexpressibly good, scrumptious.
But the best gift I received this year was Christmas itself. I've had an outlook that really didn't "get" Christmas. It's my understanding that Jesus wasn't really born around December 25, but that we celebrate it at that time because some invaded pagan country already had a holiday then so it got glued there. God never said to celebrate Christmas with or without a tree or gifts or anything--he did set up holidays and a feast system, but we ignore those. Jesus offers us a desperately needed gift of eternal life, at great cost. The gifts we exchange are not much needed or worth much. I like singing songs, being with friends and family, giving gifts and eating yummy food but I didn't really see what the celebration had to do with my relationship with God.
Christmas is different for me this year. We watched The Nativity Story on Christmas eve or so, and I am changed. I was so caught up in the drama of their lives--oppressed, desperate for the Messiah to come and do something about it. And what does God do? Make a girl's life even more miserable? And yet blessed. He lays a huge burden on her, and then blesses her with the understanding of Elizabeth, and then Joseph. What a huge comfort it must have been for Mary to have people who knew the truth about the child she carried.
I was outraged that God would ask Mary and Joseph to go through that. It's more than a person should have to bear. I feel that he may ask me to live beyond what I can bear also. Then I realized what it cost God, and how needed it was. The tiny, vulnerable, poor baby, susciptible to cold, disease, violence, neglect. Bereft of the gift of speech, the mind of a child. Which of my kids would willingly wind their ages back, and quit their privileges and abilities--to be un-potty trained, to be dressed by another, etc. And yet God, the creator--the one that made the world--laid down his power and abilities to be this tiny baby, at the bottom of the social scale. Why? Because the situation was desperate. He put it off as long as he could, and he slipped in the Answer in the most painfree way he could, but when there is a huge problem, the Answer is disruptive.
The incarnation is Huge. It's tender, and miraculous, the advent of our hope. Who can fathom God? When his people cry out for a military leader to throw off the invaders, he gives a sin sacrifice to deal with their sins--and allows them to be scattered, Jerusalem smashed. And yet he made a way to be IN us that we may never be alone, and draws us together to endure what must be for the death and rebirth of creation.
Anyway, when Mary held out that little baby to show hope to both the shepherds and the kings, I realized what a treasure she held, what we received so silently that night--it wasn't on the news, most people had no idea nor cared what was going on. God is good. I will keep Christmas in memory of the incarnation. It slays me, cuts me to the quick, to have such a terrible and tender Father. If I get to celebrate another Christmas, I will remember what it cost, and what it's worth.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Confessions of an Underachiever
Whew, time for wind down. I haven't been writing on here, because my brain hasn't been able to form complete thoughts for two weeks. I've tried to cook a frozen roast in less than hour, put my contacts in the wrong eyes twice, and generally been stumbling around trying to keep all the balls in the air. We attended two or three Thanksgiving feasts with the accompanying bring alongs of both food and folks, I started and finished my Christmas shopping (small budget abbreviated that), went to the last homeschool coop day (taught computer programming, paper art and Bird Biology to various ages) and the evening performance that goes with it, spent time with my visiting sister, I pulled off a surprise party for two of my kids, and got my lego robotics team pulled together for their local competition, and survived it all. (They won, by the way, so it's on to State.) I kept the house together through all that with food on the table and clean clothes in the drawers, and now I feel like that balloon that you let go and it flies all over the room until it lands, spent.
I am realizing that HERE is where I lose it: all my many activities have played out, I have the mess of all of it left here, and I'm exhausted and feeling entitled to a break. But living with junk in my way and unable to find things isn't a break. I had the energy to do all that, I can put away five boxes of stuff that is pulled out, spend 40 minutes finishing Christmas decorations. I don't want another marathon over Christmas. But I'm hosting a gathering or two--I love hosting. But that should be easier than hauling a car load of supplies, right?
The other thing that is laying on the floor of my heart is the dissatisfaction of none of that ever being enough--the party wasn't exactly what my kids were hoping, the Christmas gifts aren't the best ever, we won the tournament but in a scrambled and sideways fashion, I kept the house together but screamed at the kids. My husband is glad the house is clean, but it doesn't make his life all better. I am glad I took at stab at those things, and I tried to manage them all the best I could, but it really isn't enough. I am in dreadful need of Grace. All that stuff is fun, but it isn't the heart. We--I--need to have the inner space to think, to connect, to listen and perceive.
Seems like I need balance. It is good for me, good for my children, to have the experiences that only come when you go out and try to do things in the world--make robots, compete, have parties, take classes, etc. But we also need the quiet to reflect, process, refill. These last few weeks have just been too, too much for me. I need to look ahead better next time so that my season doesn't fill with so much. And I need to take my rest in sips not gulps now.
I am realizing that HERE is where I lose it: all my many activities have played out, I have the mess of all of it left here, and I'm exhausted and feeling entitled to a break. But living with junk in my way and unable to find things isn't a break. I had the energy to do all that, I can put away five boxes of stuff that is pulled out, spend 40 minutes finishing Christmas decorations. I don't want another marathon over Christmas. But I'm hosting a gathering or two--I love hosting. But that should be easier than hauling a car load of supplies, right?
The other thing that is laying on the floor of my heart is the dissatisfaction of none of that ever being enough--the party wasn't exactly what my kids were hoping, the Christmas gifts aren't the best ever, we won the tournament but in a scrambled and sideways fashion, I kept the house together but screamed at the kids. My husband is glad the house is clean, but it doesn't make his life all better. I am glad I took at stab at those things, and I tried to manage them all the best I could, but it really isn't enough. I am in dreadful need of Grace. All that stuff is fun, but it isn't the heart. We--I--need to have the inner space to think, to connect, to listen and perceive.
Seems like I need balance. It is good for me, good for my children, to have the experiences that only come when you go out and try to do things in the world--make robots, compete, have parties, take classes, etc. But we also need the quiet to reflect, process, refill. These last few weeks have just been too, too much for me. I need to look ahead better next time so that my season doesn't fill with so much. And I need to take my rest in sips not gulps now.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Carrots
Rev 2:7 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.
Persevere in the faith of the first love, and you will have eternal life.
Rev 2:11 He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death.
Keep hold of the faith that keeps trusting God when suffering comes, and death itself will have no sting for you.
Rev 2:17 To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.
Persist in refusing to go with the crowd, and you will be sustained and owned by your Father.
Rev 2:26 To him who overcomes and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations-
Resist corrupt leadership's pull toward corruption and stand steadfast and you will be leaders in the coming age.
Rev 3:4-5. 5 He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels.
Keep on walking in a more and more holy fashion and you will live and be accepted.
Rev 3:122 Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on him my new name.
Keep on claiming Christ as your Saviour, and even though you're weak, I will protect you, own you, and give you a permanent home.
Rev 3:211 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.
Continue in the good works that I've laid out for you, and you will sit down at last to rest in a place of honor.
Rev 21:7-8He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.
A shining new earth with a glorious ruler will be the reward of those who stay the course to the end.
Persevere in the faith of the first love, and you will have eternal life.
Rev 2:11 He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death.
Keep hold of the faith that keeps trusting God when suffering comes, and death itself will have no sting for you.
Rev 2:17 To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.
Persist in refusing to go with the crowd, and you will be sustained and owned by your Father.
Rev 2:26 To him who overcomes and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations-
Resist corrupt leadership's pull toward corruption and stand steadfast and you will be leaders in the coming age.
Rev 3:4-5. 5 He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels.
Keep on walking in a more and more holy fashion and you will live and be accepted.
Rev 3:122 Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on him my new name.
Keep on claiming Christ as your Saviour, and even though you're weak, I will protect you, own you, and give you a permanent home.
Rev 3:211 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.
Continue in the good works that I've laid out for you, and you will sit down at last to rest in a place of honor.
Rev 21:7-8He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.
A shining new earth with a glorious ruler will be the reward of those who stay the course to the end.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Repentence Illustrated (ouch)
I quoted this verse a while ago:
Rev 3:17-227 You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
I was talking about the pit of self-sufficiency and this call to dependence on God. I am revisiting it tonight.
I was feeling empty and raw after preparing for Thanksgiving, celebrating it with happy feasts with loved ones, and today shopping all day for Christmas, leaving my dear family and friends at home. I realized after a while that this verse (from Isa 55) was rolling around in my head:
Why spend money on what is not bread,and your labor on what does not satisfy? Indeed, it is mighty hard to avoid the temptation to spend my strength on things that don't satisfy right now. Well, okay, always! I looked it up to see the context and found the rest:
Isa 55:1-3"Come, all you who are thirsty,come to the waters;and you who have no money,come, buy and eat!Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. 2 Why spend money on what is not bread,and your labor on what does not satisfy?Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. 3 Give ear and come to me;hear me, that your soul may live.I will make an everlasting covenant with you,my faithful love promised to David.
Cross referencing that with the Revelation verse, I was just slammed with another layer.
Jesus is the gold that was refined by fire. We can "buy" him (though we are poor) by spending ourselves, yielding our will for his much more satisfying way, a way full of worth, hope. No, it isn't for a way. It's Him. We get Him, the treasure. And as we submit to the Spirit inside us, we see what we have and benefit from it, our soul is satisfied. When I chase tasty food, idealized family expectations, the perfect gift, all that--it doesn't satisfy. Those are nice things, but if I spend my "money" (strength, attention, devotion, time, value) on them, I will be empty.
I say, "I am rich and don't need a thing." I do. You've heard me--lamenting how wonderful my life is and how I am afraid of losing it. Pah! I spend 98% of my time sinning (and I'm probably being arrogant to say that!) No, I don't mean that I'm breaking the 10 commandments, I mean that I am not acting as if I believe the truth: God is good, I'm okay, He's with me and sees, He'll reward obedience and discipline disobedience, my children are His, etc. Most the time I don't act like all those things are true.
I am rich and don't need a thing? I just spent a half hour with a sobbing child who can't stand that people kill animals to eat them. And it is horrible. I'm not an animal rights activist, I'm a farmer--and I'm telling you, it's horrible to kill things. They don't like to die, and it is unpleasant, no way around it--blood, flesh, fur, mess, smell. Will I eat meat? Yes. And use animal products. But I don't think this will be the way when the King is on His throne. He has been generous with us to allow this use of His creation, but eating meat is a part of the fall. I'm rich and don't need a thing? I live in a ruined world, with a ruined soul.
Someone did something to affront me yesterday. I wasn't really offended, but I exposed their faux pas to two others that I knew would judge that person. I did it so I could enjoy the glory of being wronged but overlooking it. "I am rich and don't need a thing?" Mercy, I need mercy. I am poor, and blind, and uncovered and I don't even know I'm pitiful and wretched. Lord, let me lay down my foolish ways and drink of you. You are my only bread, my only satisfaction, I believe you that as I submit my moments to you that I will delight in the richest of fare: Your very Self. Help my unbelief.
Rev 3:17-227 You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
I was talking about the pit of self-sufficiency and this call to dependence on God. I am revisiting it tonight.
I was feeling empty and raw after preparing for Thanksgiving, celebrating it with happy feasts with loved ones, and today shopping all day for Christmas, leaving my dear family and friends at home. I realized after a while that this verse (from Isa 55) was rolling around in my head:
Why spend money on what is not bread,and your labor on what does not satisfy? Indeed, it is mighty hard to avoid the temptation to spend my strength on things that don't satisfy right now. Well, okay, always! I looked it up to see the context and found the rest:
Isa 55:1-3"Come, all you who are thirsty,come to the waters;and you who have no money,come, buy and eat!Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. 2 Why spend money on what is not bread,and your labor on what does not satisfy?Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. 3 Give ear and come to me;hear me, that your soul may live.I will make an everlasting covenant with you,my faithful love promised to David.
Cross referencing that with the Revelation verse, I was just slammed with another layer.
Jesus is the gold that was refined by fire. We can "buy" him (though we are poor) by spending ourselves, yielding our will for his much more satisfying way, a way full of worth, hope. No, it isn't for a way. It's Him. We get Him, the treasure. And as we submit to the Spirit inside us, we see what we have and benefit from it, our soul is satisfied. When I chase tasty food, idealized family expectations, the perfect gift, all that--it doesn't satisfy. Those are nice things, but if I spend my "money" (strength, attention, devotion, time, value) on them, I will be empty.
I say, "I am rich and don't need a thing." I do. You've heard me--lamenting how wonderful my life is and how I am afraid of losing it. Pah! I spend 98% of my time sinning (and I'm probably being arrogant to say that!) No, I don't mean that I'm breaking the 10 commandments, I mean that I am not acting as if I believe the truth: God is good, I'm okay, He's with me and sees, He'll reward obedience and discipline disobedience, my children are His, etc. Most the time I don't act like all those things are true.
I am rich and don't need a thing? I just spent a half hour with a sobbing child who can't stand that people kill animals to eat them. And it is horrible. I'm not an animal rights activist, I'm a farmer--and I'm telling you, it's horrible to kill things. They don't like to die, and it is unpleasant, no way around it--blood, flesh, fur, mess, smell. Will I eat meat? Yes. And use animal products. But I don't think this will be the way when the King is on His throne. He has been generous with us to allow this use of His creation, but eating meat is a part of the fall. I'm rich and don't need a thing? I live in a ruined world, with a ruined soul.
Someone did something to affront me yesterday. I wasn't really offended, but I exposed their faux pas to two others that I knew would judge that person. I did it so I could enjoy the glory of being wronged but overlooking it. "I am rich and don't need a thing?" Mercy, I need mercy. I am poor, and blind, and uncovered and I don't even know I'm pitiful and wretched. Lord, let me lay down my foolish ways and drink of you. You are my only bread, my only satisfaction, I believe you that as I submit my moments to you that I will delight in the richest of fare: Your very Self. Help my unbelief.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Update on the Dirt Battle
I am sure many of you are wondering how I'm doing on cleaning my house. Well, both of you. Except, you, Kevin, since you've been here lately, so you know where I'm at with this already. But I digress...
I am still chipping away at my house. For about a month now, I've been more or less doing what my schedule says that I'm supposed to be doing. I've hauled a number of boxes away to goodwill and the burn pile. Each room is roughed out--it can be vacuumed, and at least the dirtiest parts have been wiped down. I had no idea how dirty my house was. I've painted our master bathroom--it had never been painted in 10 years, and had smudges not only from five years of our family, but also three other renting families before us...ew! So that's WAY better, although it took me several days to adjust to the color. Our bedroom is in bad need of paint also, but I want to paint the trim around the house first. It's really bad.
To my perception, it is still really embarassing. I don't have a hope of making it all spiffy. BUT, several things are really nice: I can have company whenever I want, and the house is pretty close to as good as it can be for now. When the day's chores are done, they are done: we can play, and I don't have to feel like I should run for cover when my hubby's truck pulls in, no matter what nonsense I'm engaged in. And things just go smoother like this. If someone gets sick, they have a clean toilet to barf in. If you need a piece of paper or pencil, it doesn't take a half hour to find one. My cell phone has a place that it belongs, and on a good day, I can answer it when it rings instead of going on a frantic hunt. When I get up, I can make breakfast because there are no dishes in my way. I've arranged storage in each of the bedrooms for the items they contain. It isn't necessarily perfect storage--metal office shelves in the little kids' room, stacked wooden boxes making closet shelves in another--but things aren't in heaps so much, things can be put away. It's getting more practical every day.
I am tired. I got fed up this week and wondered if normal people spend this much time cleaning. According to the internet, yep, they do--and normal people don't have such helpful children as I do, either. I can't complain. It's a very good life, even with scrubbing floors. And getting my chores done makes me free to give, which is a great pleasure.
I am still chipping away at my house. For about a month now, I've been more or less doing what my schedule says that I'm supposed to be doing. I've hauled a number of boxes away to goodwill and the burn pile. Each room is roughed out--it can be vacuumed, and at least the dirtiest parts have been wiped down. I had no idea how dirty my house was. I've painted our master bathroom--it had never been painted in 10 years, and had smudges not only from five years of our family, but also three other renting families before us...ew! So that's WAY better, although it took me several days to adjust to the color. Our bedroom is in bad need of paint also, but I want to paint the trim around the house first. It's really bad.
To my perception, it is still really embarassing. I don't have a hope of making it all spiffy. BUT, several things are really nice: I can have company whenever I want, and the house is pretty close to as good as it can be for now. When the day's chores are done, they are done: we can play, and I don't have to feel like I should run for cover when my hubby's truck pulls in, no matter what nonsense I'm engaged in. And things just go smoother like this. If someone gets sick, they have a clean toilet to barf in. If you need a piece of paper or pencil, it doesn't take a half hour to find one. My cell phone has a place that it belongs, and on a good day, I can answer it when it rings instead of going on a frantic hunt. When I get up, I can make breakfast because there are no dishes in my way. I've arranged storage in each of the bedrooms for the items they contain. It isn't necessarily perfect storage--metal office shelves in the little kids' room, stacked wooden boxes making closet shelves in another--but things aren't in heaps so much, things can be put away. It's getting more practical every day.
I am tired. I got fed up this week and wondered if normal people spend this much time cleaning. According to the internet, yep, they do--and normal people don't have such helpful children as I do, either. I can't complain. It's a very good life, even with scrubbing floors. And getting my chores done makes me free to give, which is a great pleasure.
The Repulsive Christ
One thing that really strikes me in reading through the gospels with the kids is that Jesus worked hard to put people off. Anytime the crowds are too overwhelmingly supportive, and begin to border on crowning him their king, he says things like "Eat my flesh" and "Hate your mother and Father" and "take up your cross" (which was a humilating and abasing way that only the lowest were executed), "liquidate your wealth and donate it." He makes it *hard* for people to come to him.
We just read the section in Luke where Jesus is telling them to count the cost of being a disciple, and telling them it will cost them everything.
The first thing that hits me in reading these things is how unlike today's church ministries was Christ's ministry. We lower the bar, using immoral TV shows to illustrate points, video games and coffee bars to make people feel at home, slick music videos and all manner of ways to make people comfortable, make church cool, make the message clear and attractive. Jesus made the message hard to understand and offensive--on purpose. He taught in riddles. He told people that unless they were willing to do the hardest things, then don't bother coming. He didn't just give recommendations on how to be successful, but told them to be "Perfect." He also called religious people names like hypocrit and snake, and other things that would certainly be called divisive and critical.
Am I saying that it is wrong to use media and seeker-friendly means to bring people to Christ? Am I saying we should be more like Jesus by being inflamatory and obtuse? No, not really. But I think, as we make those decisions, we do have to ask ourselves why Jesus didn't do everything he could to collect the largest number of followers he could. And perhaps there is something in that motive that we could learn from. God is not a God that does everything possible to pave a road for people to come to him. He made a way, but it is not a highway. He loves us, but he isn't easy.
The other thing that really squeezes my heart is the demand for total allegiance, and unshakeable commitment. There were days when I could make declarations about how fully committed I am and how permanent my faith was. But now, I find my heart weak, and my faith flimsy. I can teach my children how worthy the Lord is and how good our hope is, but that doesn't mean that my own heart never waivers. I get tripped up in looking to the future. I feel full of the grace of God today, when the only death in my life is having to get off the computer and make lunch. But what about when I need more sustenance than that? Can God still raise the dead? What a silly nail-biter I am. I'm glad that God gives me the daily manna I need, and I know from past days of suffering that he gives a double portion of his presence in those times. May I walk fearlessly.
We just read the section in Luke where Jesus is telling them to count the cost of being a disciple, and telling them it will cost them everything.
The first thing that hits me in reading these things is how unlike today's church ministries was Christ's ministry. We lower the bar, using immoral TV shows to illustrate points, video games and coffee bars to make people feel at home, slick music videos and all manner of ways to make people comfortable, make church cool, make the message clear and attractive. Jesus made the message hard to understand and offensive--on purpose. He taught in riddles. He told people that unless they were willing to do the hardest things, then don't bother coming. He didn't just give recommendations on how to be successful, but told them to be "Perfect." He also called religious people names like hypocrit and snake, and other things that would certainly be called divisive and critical.
Am I saying that it is wrong to use media and seeker-friendly means to bring people to Christ? Am I saying we should be more like Jesus by being inflamatory and obtuse? No, not really. But I think, as we make those decisions, we do have to ask ourselves why Jesus didn't do everything he could to collect the largest number of followers he could. And perhaps there is something in that motive that we could learn from. God is not a God that does everything possible to pave a road for people to come to him. He made a way, but it is not a highway. He loves us, but he isn't easy.
The other thing that really squeezes my heart is the demand for total allegiance, and unshakeable commitment. There were days when I could make declarations about how fully committed I am and how permanent my faith was. But now, I find my heart weak, and my faith flimsy. I can teach my children how worthy the Lord is and how good our hope is, but that doesn't mean that my own heart never waivers. I get tripped up in looking to the future. I feel full of the grace of God today, when the only death in my life is having to get off the computer and make lunch. But what about when I need more sustenance than that? Can God still raise the dead? What a silly nail-biter I am. I'm glad that God gives me the daily manna I need, and I know from past days of suffering that he gives a double portion of his presence in those times. May I walk fearlessly.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Never Trust Anyone...
until you know what they struggle with. Because everybody struggles with something, and if you can't see it on the surface, you can be sure it's lurking under there somewhere. Best you know if it is molesting children or obsessively cleaning their house.
Repentence
What is repentence? If you've been in church for more than ten minutes, you likely know that that repentence is to turn around, to change your thinking. But in what way does our thinking change in repentence? Usually, when we are doing something wrong, we know and think it is wrong and do it anyway. We say in our heart, "Yep, God, this is wrong. Here I go again!" So how does repentence differ than this helpless or rebellious stance?
We need to go back to the nature of our original repentence as our example. When we first came to God, we came to Him because we realized that we couldn't make our life work, that we were broken and needed to be saved. We start walking with God as we believed his word that he would take us, save us, and be with us to live his life through us. It was, at its foundation, a laying down of trust in ourselves and a placing of trust in Him instead.
All repentence is of this same nature. Sin, at its core, is faithlessness: an action that declares our committment to meeting our own needs rather than trusting God to act on our behalf. We are lonely or craving comfort so we turn to sexual sin, rather than stay in the suffering and wait on God. We resent our stingy boss and compensate by helping ourselves to office resources, rather than believe God is taking care of us. We are hurt by our spouse's careless words, and steel our hearts against futher injury, rather than rest in the declared love of God--a position of strength even in vulnerability. If you want to fruitfully repent--to see change that makes it natural to not sin, Believe in the rest God has provided.
We don't have to produce a perfect life. We aren't going to--but the blood of Jesus has that covered. It is no longer our problem to make something of ourselves. We are the subjects of our Maker, and we have entered a covenant of trust and submission to his leading Spirit within us. We remove all human-applied labels: "Successful," "Loser," "Smart," "Slow," "Worthless," "Talented," etc, and we wear only one: "His." As His child, we abandon self-definition. He will make us what he desires as we submit in the moments, and in the end, we will be something beautiful, and entirely of his making. That's repentence.
Repentence is resting in the finished work of Christ, the Spirit's abiding presence, and in the hope of his physical return to set up a perfect kingdom on earth. When we act to meet our own needs for significance, comfort, or whatever, we let go of the much better thing he has offered. If you want to stop sinning, find the point of faith: what is God calling you to believe? Because it is as you embrace what is true and put your feet in the path that follows logically, that you will find youself walking in faith and the resulting righteousness.
We need to go back to the nature of our original repentence as our example. When we first came to God, we came to Him because we realized that we couldn't make our life work, that we were broken and needed to be saved. We start walking with God as we believed his word that he would take us, save us, and be with us to live his life through us. It was, at its foundation, a laying down of trust in ourselves and a placing of trust in Him instead.
All repentence is of this same nature. Sin, at its core, is faithlessness: an action that declares our committment to meeting our own needs rather than trusting God to act on our behalf. We are lonely or craving comfort so we turn to sexual sin, rather than stay in the suffering and wait on God. We resent our stingy boss and compensate by helping ourselves to office resources, rather than believe God is taking care of us. We are hurt by our spouse's careless words, and steel our hearts against futher injury, rather than rest in the declared love of God--a position of strength even in vulnerability. If you want to fruitfully repent--to see change that makes it natural to not sin, Believe in the rest God has provided.
We don't have to produce a perfect life. We aren't going to--but the blood of Jesus has that covered. It is no longer our problem to make something of ourselves. We are the subjects of our Maker, and we have entered a covenant of trust and submission to his leading Spirit within us. We remove all human-applied labels: "Successful," "Loser," "Smart," "Slow," "Worthless," "Talented," etc, and we wear only one: "His." As His child, we abandon self-definition. He will make us what he desires as we submit in the moments, and in the end, we will be something beautiful, and entirely of his making. That's repentence.
Repentence is resting in the finished work of Christ, the Spirit's abiding presence, and in the hope of his physical return to set up a perfect kingdom on earth. When we act to meet our own needs for significance, comfort, or whatever, we let go of the much better thing he has offered. If you want to stop sinning, find the point of faith: what is God calling you to believe? Because it is as you embrace what is true and put your feet in the path that follows logically, that you will find youself walking in faith and the resulting righteousness.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
What's in it for me?
"If laying your life down for Christ is going to get you something then you are missing the whole point of being a Christian."
I got a comment from someone with this quote. I have to say, if we get nothing for laying down our lives, then we are simply engaging in pointless self destruction, and I don't know why a healthy person would do that. God is not asking us to lay down our lives for nothing. Laying down our lives is the essence of Walking in the Spirit--and it will yield many personal benefits--love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, self-control, etc. God will also reward us eternally for it. He is faithful to reward those who seek him, and his ways are good.
I think that this belief is also falsely pious. You got saved because there was something in it for YOU, not God. What did God get by saving you from destruction? Certainly, we walk in gratitude for what God has done. But God knows we are weak and small. God alone is great. The greatest believer's pile of "something for God" is the tiniest thing, no where near a worthy sacrifice. We are the beficiaries in Christ, not God. It isn't selfish or greedy to say so, it's acknowledgement of our smallness and His Greatness.
We need to understand that God is not on a quest to get blood from a turnip. He offers us the good works to do, gives us the will and power to do them, and also the reason to step into them--not just gratitude, but also temporal and eternal reward for obedience and disclipline for disobedience. It's all His. The glory for it is All His. Why does he give us good works to do? Because it is good for us to participate with Him in what he's doing--a blessing. Does he need us to serve him? No, we serve as a priveledge and blessing--like a poor person allowed to drive a rich person's car to deliver the gift of the rich person to someone in need, and in return the driver gets a million dollars. His goodness is all out of proportion to ours, and there is absolutely more in it for us than Him.
So I do not think that it is out of line to consider that as we lay down our lives, we receive many blessings much greater than what we lay down. That is WHY we lay down our lives, not because God has something to gain from us.
I got a comment from someone with this quote. I have to say, if we get nothing for laying down our lives, then we are simply engaging in pointless self destruction, and I don't know why a healthy person would do that. God is not asking us to lay down our lives for nothing. Laying down our lives is the essence of Walking in the Spirit--and it will yield many personal benefits--love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, self-control, etc. God will also reward us eternally for it. He is faithful to reward those who seek him, and his ways are good.
I think that this belief is also falsely pious. You got saved because there was something in it for YOU, not God. What did God get by saving you from destruction? Certainly, we walk in gratitude for what God has done. But God knows we are weak and small. God alone is great. The greatest believer's pile of "something for God" is the tiniest thing, no where near a worthy sacrifice. We are the beficiaries in Christ, not God. It isn't selfish or greedy to say so, it's acknowledgement of our smallness and His Greatness.
We need to understand that God is not on a quest to get blood from a turnip. He offers us the good works to do, gives us the will and power to do them, and also the reason to step into them--not just gratitude, but also temporal and eternal reward for obedience and disclipline for disobedience. It's all His. The glory for it is All His. Why does he give us good works to do? Because it is good for us to participate with Him in what he's doing--a blessing. Does he need us to serve him? No, we serve as a priveledge and blessing--like a poor person allowed to drive a rich person's car to deliver the gift of the rich person to someone in need, and in return the driver gets a million dollars. His goodness is all out of proportion to ours, and there is absolutely more in it for us than Him.
So I do not think that it is out of line to consider that as we lay down our lives, we receive many blessings much greater than what we lay down. That is WHY we lay down our lives, not because God has something to gain from us.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Picking a Church
Whereas, we desire an intimate bond with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and
Whereas, we recognize the importance of giving and receiving spiritual encouragment and material participation, and
Whereas, our children need to see the relational nature of walking in Christ, and
Whereas, I need to worship and meditate to believe what is true,
We hereby sorta, kinda, maybe think perhaps we might go to church and Get Involved.
I really want to teach Sunday School and model the new covenant with kids, and do science experiments to both learn about God and the world he made. Would any church anywhere put up with a teacher that taught about the phases of matter instead of the parables of Christ (or at least, in addition to the parables?)
Chuck would love to have the chance to teach about the new covenant. But the only church around here that wouldn't burn him for a heretic is a half hour away, and its big. Do I want to take my kids to a big church? So much of what I desire for them to know about Christianity is about relationship--would they find it there? Would anyone in town identify with homeschoolers from the sticks, dressed in cloaks and telling stories in elvish about milking the cow?
I'll let you know.
Whereas, we recognize the importance of giving and receiving spiritual encouragment and material participation, and
Whereas, our children need to see the relational nature of walking in Christ, and
Whereas, I need to worship and meditate to believe what is true,
We hereby sorta, kinda, maybe think perhaps we might go to church and Get Involved.
I really want to teach Sunday School and model the new covenant with kids, and do science experiments to both learn about God and the world he made. Would any church anywhere put up with a teacher that taught about the phases of matter instead of the parables of Christ (or at least, in addition to the parables?)
Chuck would love to have the chance to teach about the new covenant. But the only church around here that wouldn't burn him for a heretic is a half hour away, and its big. Do I want to take my kids to a big church? So much of what I desire for them to know about Christianity is about relationship--would they find it there? Would anyone in town identify with homeschoolers from the sticks, dressed in cloaks and telling stories in elvish about milking the cow?
I'll let you know.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
I want a New Church
(sung to the melody of "I want a new drug" by Huey Lewis)
I want a new church,
One that won't make me sick,
One that won't make me work the nursery,
Or make me feel like throwing a brick.
I want a new church,
One that won't hurt my kids
One that won't say the truth's a lie,
Or select leaders by bids.
One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in you
I want a new church
One where I can talk
One that don't charge too much
or stop when He says Walk.
I want a new church
One that sings loud
One that will let us wear our cloaks
And not teach heaven's a cloud
One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in You
Only in you, Jesus, yeah
I want a new church
One that does what it should
One that won't make me pray to Satan
"You're not welcome in this 'hood"
I want a new church
One that can handle my doubt
Handle me talking too much
and not cast me out
One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in you
Only in you, Jesus, yeah
(just a little response to our latest attempt at attending church...)
I want a new church,
One that won't make me sick,
One that won't make me work the nursery,
Or make me feel like throwing a brick.
I want a new church,
One that won't hurt my kids
One that won't say the truth's a lie,
Or select leaders by bids.
One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in you
I want a new church
One where I can talk
One that don't charge too much
or stop when He says Walk.
I want a new church
One that sings loud
One that will let us wear our cloaks
And not teach heaven's a cloud
One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in You
Only in you, Jesus, yeah
I want a new church
One that does what it should
One that won't make me pray to Satan
"You're not welcome in this 'hood"
I want a new church
One that can handle my doubt
Handle me talking too much
and not cast me out
One that won't make me guilty
Forgetting who I am
One that makes me feel like I am who I'm in you
Cause life is only in you
Only in you, Jesus, yeah
(just a little response to our latest attempt at attending church...)
Friday, November 9, 2007
Freedom of Finished Chores
I thought you all might like to know my house isn't a mess any more. It is a long way from a magazine cover, but the big messes are taken care of and I'm chipping away at the disasterous drawers and closets and dirt encrusted everything.
I found a sketch book I drew in a few years ago while cleaning and leafed through it. My children's younger eyes looked back at me, as I saw them with my own younger eyes. I had written on each sketch things like "Eyes too close together" "Nose too long" "looks human but not a good likeness", as if had I not written it there, someone might think I thought these pieces were good enough! It made me sick. The drawings were beautiful, and while not professional quality, were a welcome gift across time, a witness to the emotional connection between me and my little ones.
So, I'm trying to see my home through the eyes that should have seen those drawings. It is *home* above all, and not a show case of perfection. This is where we laugh, cry, eat, welcome friends, hash out life with family, and live. May I not lose the pleasure of resting in *home* while worrying about missing trim and too much dust.
PS--my husband still isn't happy, but it isn't about the house now, he's moved on to hating his job and worrying about the collapse of the US economy.
I found a sketch book I drew in a few years ago while cleaning and leafed through it. My children's younger eyes looked back at me, as I saw them with my own younger eyes. I had written on each sketch things like "Eyes too close together" "Nose too long" "looks human but not a good likeness", as if had I not written it there, someone might think I thought these pieces were good enough! It made me sick. The drawings were beautiful, and while not professional quality, were a welcome gift across time, a witness to the emotional connection between me and my little ones.
So, I'm trying to see my home through the eyes that should have seen those drawings. It is *home* above all, and not a show case of perfection. This is where we laugh, cry, eat, welcome friends, hash out life with family, and live. May I not lose the pleasure of resting in *home* while worrying about missing trim and too much dust.
PS--my husband still isn't happy, but it isn't about the house now, he's moved on to hating his job and worrying about the collapse of the US economy.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
The Last Beautiful Day
Today is the last beautiful day. Today, the sun will cast golden light on fiery leaves, and we'll stomp them into crackly oblivion under our feet. Tomorrow, it will rain and blow and they will be soggy and dead and the chance will be gone for another year. But today is the last day to squeeze delight from worn out summertime. We'll laugh loud, and run, and not think of tomorrow's rain. We'll climb a tree and eat an apple and pitch to core to splatter on the post. We'll sit together, and huddle tight in chilling air and watch the last pale blue green sunset.
Today is the last beautiful day. There is much to prepare: the gutters will overrun if they are full of leaves, and must be cleaned today or our walls may rot. It should have been done last week. The rain is coming soon, and there is firewood that will be wet if we do not haul it today, we have too little and will be cold for winter if there is no dry wood. The several cords we have may not last the season. The rain is coming, and it will cut us off from playing outside with friends and neighbors. We need to bring in the outdoor furniture so that it doesn't spoil this winter. We've been too lax, we must dig in and use this last chance to brace for winter.
Today is the last beautiful day. There is much to prepare: the gutters will overrun if they are full of leaves, and must be cleaned today or our walls may rot. It should have been done last week. The rain is coming soon, and there is firewood that will be wet if we do not haul it today, we have too little and will be cold for winter if there is no dry wood. The several cords we have may not last the season. The rain is coming, and it will cut us off from playing outside with friends and neighbors. We need to bring in the outdoor furniture so that it doesn't spoil this winter. We've been too lax, we must dig in and use this last chance to brace for winter.
The Relational Nature of our Hope
Here's the thing: if our hope is not foundationally one of relationship with each other and God, I despair of putting stock in it.
Laying down my life and following Christ that I may have a life where I get power and authority and majestic responsibility does not move me. In light of what must be endured, I see no point. God may well be holy and good and worthy and the only one, but I do not find enough in that hope to awaken the faith to persevere.
When I connect with others, and sing songs that waken the relational part of me, I can hope. That gives me solice and lifts my head: not only is life offered, but it is a life worth living. Not a perfect machine, but a breathing thing with tender unexpectedness.
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self control--where are these revealed if not in relationships, even broken ones? How can they be provoked, or honed, or seen without connection with others? What meaning do they have without that context?
Laying down my life and following Christ that I may have a life where I get power and authority and majestic responsibility does not move me. In light of what must be endured, I see no point. God may well be holy and good and worthy and the only one, but I do not find enough in that hope to awaken the faith to persevere.
When I connect with others, and sing songs that waken the relational part of me, I can hope. That gives me solice and lifts my head: not only is life offered, but it is a life worth living. Not a perfect machine, but a breathing thing with tender unexpectedness.
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self control--where are these revealed if not in relationships, even broken ones? How can they be provoked, or honed, or seen without connection with others? What meaning do they have without that context?
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Gathering Roses
Once, there was a girl child whose heart was the soul of springtime. But she lived as an orphan in the hard city, where winter seemed to rule even in the heat of summer. Then one day, a kindly man brought her to live with him at his large country estate, as his very own daughter and heir.
"This is your home now, and in time, you will be the mistress of it all. For now, you may fill your heart gathering every flower you wish in its gardens, and grow and learn and become worthy of what will be given to you." He loved her dearly, and watched with a full heart as she flitted about the garden, pausing to admire each rose and lily, choosing the best to add to her burgeoning bouquet. She kissed him with gratitude.
But the next morning, she remembered the early years, alone in the city. It seemed incredible that so much could truly be hers. She poked her head in the old man's study and cleared her throat, "Excuse me sir, I was wondering if I might pick a few of the red roses today?"
"Of course, child, they are yours! You needn't ask, every flower is your own." She smiled, courtsied, and scampered to gather the roses.
Later that afternoon, she came upon an unexplored part of the garden, where grew a towering lilac tree with the most exquisite blossoms that filled the air with the perfume of their wonder. She touched them in silence, almost reverence. Though her skin was white and clean, she still remembered herself the street urchin she had been, and withdrew her hand. Yet her heart ached to add them to her bouquet. Her benefactor came slowly up the path behind her.
"Please, sir. Might I also have this lilac, to cut?" she asked, not daring to meet his eyes, feeling that she had already been given so much, it was sheer greed to request yet more.
"Dear one, it is your lilac already. Pick it if you will," he replied quietly.
She hugged him, overwhelmed with his new generosity, and carefully added one of the delicate beauties to her bouquet.
They shared dinner that night in the grand dining room, cozy at the dark wood table, topped with the splendid bouquet.
The night air was sweet, and as it came through the girls open window, the girl fell quickly asleep, but dreamed of the cold.
The next morning, she dressed. Her heart remembered the day before and the splendor of the garden. Though she had drank in every bit of it, her heart was so long starved of color and of tender things that grow, the yearning was unquenched. She crept down the hall to the master's room once more.
She knocked and he beckoned her come. She stood quiet before him, and looked at the floor as she asked, "Please, sir, might I gather flowers in the garden once more?"
Silence met her request as her eyes stayed on her shoes. She knew that she should not have had the audacity to be so greedy! How could she be so presumptious when he had already been so kind! Yet the need in her heart for these delicate twists of color and scent could not be satiated. Finally she raised her eyes to catch a glimpse of his face.
There were tears in his eyes, and finally he sighed.
"I have told you before, the gardens are yours and every flower in them. You are my own daughter now. I would have you believe me, and accept the gifts I give. I didn't tell you before, but these gardens are my life's work. I dug the ground myself, turning each bit with the spade, and I watchfully cared for each seed as it grew. I pruned them and shaped them, all with the desire that one day my child may come and enjoy them. My mind has been on you, all these years, as I have worked. Finally, I have given this gift, and you will not take it. Please, receive the garden. Do not cut my heart again by asking for what is already yours."
The spring child finally understood what she had received, and her own eyes filled with tears. She hugged him tight around the neck and didn't let go for a very long time. Then the two of them went hand and hand to the garden, to gather roses.
It has pleased our Father to provide cleansing for every sin we commit or ever will commit. He has paid dearly with the blood of his Son to complete payment that we could be totally forgiven. Let us not, in the hold of a contrite heart that desires to express repentence, ask again for what he has already given: forgiveness. If he has not totally forgiven us already, then we are dead in our sins. His holiness is too high for the wages of sin to be anything less than death. As we are in Christ, the demanded life debt has been paid once and for all. May we come to him and repent of our every unfaithfulness, and confess our sins one to another, without insulting the Christ who has completely forgiven us. Let us not ask again for the forgiveness that is already given, but humbly thank him for it, as we discover daily how profound our need of it is.
"This is your home now, and in time, you will be the mistress of it all. For now, you may fill your heart gathering every flower you wish in its gardens, and grow and learn and become worthy of what will be given to you." He loved her dearly, and watched with a full heart as she flitted about the garden, pausing to admire each rose and lily, choosing the best to add to her burgeoning bouquet. She kissed him with gratitude.
But the next morning, she remembered the early years, alone in the city. It seemed incredible that so much could truly be hers. She poked her head in the old man's study and cleared her throat, "Excuse me sir, I was wondering if I might pick a few of the red roses today?"
"Of course, child, they are yours! You needn't ask, every flower is your own." She smiled, courtsied, and scampered to gather the roses.
Later that afternoon, she came upon an unexplored part of the garden, where grew a towering lilac tree with the most exquisite blossoms that filled the air with the perfume of their wonder. She touched them in silence, almost reverence. Though her skin was white and clean, she still remembered herself the street urchin she had been, and withdrew her hand. Yet her heart ached to add them to her bouquet. Her benefactor came slowly up the path behind her.
"Please, sir. Might I also have this lilac, to cut?" she asked, not daring to meet his eyes, feeling that she had already been given so much, it was sheer greed to request yet more.
"Dear one, it is your lilac already. Pick it if you will," he replied quietly.
She hugged him, overwhelmed with his new generosity, and carefully added one of the delicate beauties to her bouquet.
They shared dinner that night in the grand dining room, cozy at the dark wood table, topped with the splendid bouquet.
The night air was sweet, and as it came through the girls open window, the girl fell quickly asleep, but dreamed of the cold.
The next morning, she dressed. Her heart remembered the day before and the splendor of the garden. Though she had drank in every bit of it, her heart was so long starved of color and of tender things that grow, the yearning was unquenched. She crept down the hall to the master's room once more.
She knocked and he beckoned her come. She stood quiet before him, and looked at the floor as she asked, "Please, sir, might I gather flowers in the garden once more?"
Silence met her request as her eyes stayed on her shoes. She knew that she should not have had the audacity to be so greedy! How could she be so presumptious when he had already been so kind! Yet the need in her heart for these delicate twists of color and scent could not be satiated. Finally she raised her eyes to catch a glimpse of his face.
There were tears in his eyes, and finally he sighed.
"I have told you before, the gardens are yours and every flower in them. You are my own daughter now. I would have you believe me, and accept the gifts I give. I didn't tell you before, but these gardens are my life's work. I dug the ground myself, turning each bit with the spade, and I watchfully cared for each seed as it grew. I pruned them and shaped them, all with the desire that one day my child may come and enjoy them. My mind has been on you, all these years, as I have worked. Finally, I have given this gift, and you will not take it. Please, receive the garden. Do not cut my heart again by asking for what is already yours."
The spring child finally understood what she had received, and her own eyes filled with tears. She hugged him tight around the neck and didn't let go for a very long time. Then the two of them went hand and hand to the garden, to gather roses.
It has pleased our Father to provide cleansing for every sin we commit or ever will commit. He has paid dearly with the blood of his Son to complete payment that we could be totally forgiven. Let us not, in the hold of a contrite heart that desires to express repentence, ask again for what he has already given: forgiveness. If he has not totally forgiven us already, then we are dead in our sins. His holiness is too high for the wages of sin to be anything less than death. As we are in Christ, the demanded life debt has been paid once and for all. May we come to him and repent of our every unfaithfulness, and confess our sins one to another, without insulting the Christ who has completely forgiven us. Let us not ask again for the forgiveness that is already given, but humbly thank him for it, as we discover daily how profound our need of it is.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Order in the House
I just read a book called "Get Your Act Together" by Pam Young and her sister. They are a couple of reformed slobs, who share their system and encouragement with recovered slob wannabes.
Remarkably, reading the book has not distracted me from my household duties too much. We have gotten most of the house pretty straightened up this last week and a half. The plan is to get rid of as much junk as I can, and actually *do* the hour of housework that is written in my schedule every afternoon. It appears that I (or something) have finally convinced my hubby that it is habits that will save us, and now he is nagging me to change my habits instead of cleaning like a maniac for a day or two to fix it all at once. I don't know who this person is that has so changed his tune, but what he is speaking is indeed the only way to lasting peace.
I've hauled at least ten boxes away to goodwill, and many trash sacks to the garbage. I gave away things at mini school today. There is more to go in every room of the house. The SLOB sisters say that most houses need to get rid of 90% of their junk to be manageable! Yikes, that seems like a lot! But, wow, it would be like a dream to have that much less to take care of.
So, now I'm accountable to all of you. I am getting rid of junk, defending clean space, and doing my hour each day! If any of you in Africa, Europe or Asia want to encourage me to keep on this, feel free! (I can't imagine why anyone so far off would care what I have to say!)
Remarkably, reading the book has not distracted me from my household duties too much. We have gotten most of the house pretty straightened up this last week and a half. The plan is to get rid of as much junk as I can, and actually *do* the hour of housework that is written in my schedule every afternoon. It appears that I (or something) have finally convinced my hubby that it is habits that will save us, and now he is nagging me to change my habits instead of cleaning like a maniac for a day or two to fix it all at once. I don't know who this person is that has so changed his tune, but what he is speaking is indeed the only way to lasting peace.
I've hauled at least ten boxes away to goodwill, and many trash sacks to the garbage. I gave away things at mini school today. There is more to go in every room of the house. The SLOB sisters say that most houses need to get rid of 90% of their junk to be manageable! Yikes, that seems like a lot! But, wow, it would be like a dream to have that much less to take care of.
So, now I'm accountable to all of you. I am getting rid of junk, defending clean space, and doing my hour each day! If any of you in Africa, Europe or Asia want to encourage me to keep on this, feel free! (I can't imagine why anyone so far off would care what I have to say!)
Empty Feeling
I was talking with my 12 yo a couple nights ago, about life. She was complaining that the other girls at AWANA just sit and talk and don't work on their books and don't seem to care about God at all. So I asked her, "Is God YOUR center?" She squirmed uncomfortably. She feels guilty for not praying more, not reading her Bible more. And of course, we don't go to church. We are trying to train our kids to listen to the Holy Spirit, but dd says she doesn't hear him, doesn't know what we mean.
I really don't know what to say to that. If we were back in the Vineyard, they'd grab her and lay on hands so that she could be "baptised with the Holy Spirit." I don't know what to make of that any more. I find that among my friends, there is no real difference between those that are "spirit filled" and those that are not in terms of spiritual satisfaction, righteousness, power, etc. Everybody just seems to be bumping along blind, happy in greater or lesser degrees according to their personality and circumstances. It doesn't look much like the book of Acts, to me, in any church on the block.
I don't believe that God has taken spiritual gifts away. I do believe we have everything we need for life and godliness. If there is weakness in us, it must be from lack of faith in the finished work of Christ, not because we've tied God's hands.
It looks like a really anemic season in the life of the church.
I really don't know what to say to that. If we were back in the Vineyard, they'd grab her and lay on hands so that she could be "baptised with the Holy Spirit." I don't know what to make of that any more. I find that among my friends, there is no real difference between those that are "spirit filled" and those that are not in terms of spiritual satisfaction, righteousness, power, etc. Everybody just seems to be bumping along blind, happy in greater or lesser degrees according to their personality and circumstances. It doesn't look much like the book of Acts, to me, in any church on the block.
I don't believe that God has taken spiritual gifts away. I do believe we have everything we need for life and godliness. If there is weakness in us, it must be from lack of faith in the finished work of Christ, not because we've tied God's hands.
It looks like a really anemic season in the life of the church.
I hate Luke
As I've mentioned, I'm reading some gospels with my kids at breakfast. The book of John was great fun, and really lit my faith. But we're reading Luke now, and I hate it. My hubby says that Luke is all about the supernatural, and I see that, but it seems so much less cohesive to me than John's account. John is really intense about Christ being the Son of the Father, and his connection with Him, and how he never does anything that the father isn't telling him to do. Luke never seems to mention this connection, but is really wowed by the miracles that fall out of it. I think we will read Acts after this, then Romans. We'll slog through. I'm sure we're getting SOMETHING out of it...
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Stirling Engines
Have you ever heard of a stirling engine? They are really cool. They use difference in temperature to do work. Imagine a chamber that is tube shaped and has a piston in it. You create a difference in temperatures from one end to the other, either by heating or cooling or both. You might stick one end in your fire and the other in cool water, for example. When the hot air expands, it moves the piston one way, then a displacer pushes the hot air to the cold end where it contracts so there is less resistance for the piston to reciprocate. A flywheel carries the momentum.
Unfortunately, the work it does, is not cleaning the house.
Unfortunately, the work it does, is not cleaning the house.
Friday, October 26, 2007
She Must and Shall Go Free
By Derek Webb:
Lyrics:
Mercy speaks by Jesus’ blood
Hear and sing, ye sons of God
Justice satisfied indeed
Christ has full atonement made
Jesus’ blood speaks loud and sweet
Here all Deity can meet
And, without a jarring voice
Welcome Zion to rejoice
"All her debts were cast on me,
And she must and shall go free"
Peace of conscience, peace with God
We obtain through Jesus’ blood
Jesus’ blood speaks solid rest
We believe, and we are blest
Should the law against her roar
Jesus’ blood still speaks with power
"All her debts were cast on me,
and she must and shall go free"
Lyrics:
Mercy speaks by Jesus’ blood
Hear and sing, ye sons of God
Justice satisfied indeed
Christ has full atonement made
Jesus’ blood speaks loud and sweet
Here all Deity can meet
And, without a jarring voice
Welcome Zion to rejoice
"All her debts were cast on me,
And she must and shall go free"
Peace of conscience, peace with God
We obtain through Jesus’ blood
Jesus’ blood speaks solid rest
We believe, and we are blest
Should the law against her roar
Jesus’ blood still speaks with power
"All her debts were cast on me,
and she must and shall go free"
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Desiring God
Can "Desiring God" be just another thing you are trying to do in your own strength? If I don't desire God, where do I turn? Do I start with the emotional part of yearning and work to whip that up, or do I start with the cold hard facts about the desirability of God, and let my emotional chips fall where they may, while putting my feet in the steps that follow the reality of who God is and who I am.
I know that God says that to love him and each other is the highest law, and the way of the spirit is love. Surely desire is an aspect of love. But our relationship with God is responsive in its essence. No one comes to Jesus unless the Father draws him. Our entire walk with God is on HIS initiative, and Faith is our response to his lead. But even our response, our faith is a gift from him. He has prepared in advance good works for us to do. All the glory is his, all the goodness is His, and good things crafted in our life are by His hand, whether they be desire for God or righteous actions.
I know that God says that to love him and each other is the highest law, and the way of the spirit is love. Surely desire is an aspect of love. But our relationship with God is responsive in its essence. No one comes to Jesus unless the Father draws him. Our entire walk with God is on HIS initiative, and Faith is our response to his lead. But even our response, our faith is a gift from him. He has prepared in advance good works for us to do. All the glory is his, all the goodness is His, and good things crafted in our life are by His hand, whether they be desire for God or righteous actions.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Just Clean the House
My husband is mad at me (again) because of the house. He has reasonable expectations, just wants it all clean once a month. I got it done last Christmas and it hasn't been all done since. This is a chronic ongoing issue for us. I am extremely distractable and I move slow, which means that my work time is not very productive, but all seven of us are very productive at taking things out!
I don't know why I don't keep a nice house. Lots of possible reasons--having mess means that I have a reason to get up in the morning (to clean it), leaving a bit of mess is a request for someone to step in and help me because I want to be rescued. Rebellion: I shouldn't have to perform to earn your approval, you should just love me because I'm me. Perfectionism: it isn't going to be perfect anyway, so why try? Distractable: I forgot I was cleaning the whatever. Mess filter: I don't see the mess, just whatever particular article that has drawn my focus. (I can't tell if my outfits look good either, because all I see is an earring, my hair, my make-up, my shoes one at a time.) There are various amounts of truth to each of those, but at this point in life, I just don't even care about the reasons. I don't see that understanding these reasons has gotten me any closer to a clean house.
They tell me that I'm "performance oriented." I think that is psychobabble for "legalistic." I want to prove that I'm something by my own actions. Unfortunately, all I've proved is that I'm nothing. And this, for some reason, is worse than the end of the world to me. I mean, duh! Of course I'm nothing! Isn't that why the grace of God is so miraculous?
The most productive season of my life (in terms of managing our home) came at a time when things were externally difficult. I was pregnant with number 4. God came to me in the middle of a movie. The image on the screen was just a man hugging a woman (a friend.) And God, in that moment, just revealed his love to me. I went an laid on the floor for I don't know how long. He satisfied my longing to be both the center and to be hidden. He convinced me in a moment that I was to Him, the Bride. The golden one. He revealed me as the adored daughter, swinging in her Father's arms. And he hid me in the folds of his robes, so close that I could twine my fingers in his beard and breathe his scent. I was protected and covered.
From that center of acceptance, running my race was so easy. All those reasons just fell by as irrelevant. For months, I could just do it, walking in peace. But then, my mom came and helped me out when my son was born, and something in that season washed it all away.
But the truth is still there. I wish I could find it again. My husband's anger and my desire to please, and my offense at his coldness trip me up in embracing truth. Yet there is always a way around temptation. Faith is always possible.
I don't know why I don't keep a nice house. Lots of possible reasons--having mess means that I have a reason to get up in the morning (to clean it), leaving a bit of mess is a request for someone to step in and help me because I want to be rescued. Rebellion: I shouldn't have to perform to earn your approval, you should just love me because I'm me. Perfectionism: it isn't going to be perfect anyway, so why try? Distractable: I forgot I was cleaning the whatever. Mess filter: I don't see the mess, just whatever particular article that has drawn my focus. (I can't tell if my outfits look good either, because all I see is an earring, my hair, my make-up, my shoes one at a time.) There are various amounts of truth to each of those, but at this point in life, I just don't even care about the reasons. I don't see that understanding these reasons has gotten me any closer to a clean house.
They tell me that I'm "performance oriented." I think that is psychobabble for "legalistic." I want to prove that I'm something by my own actions. Unfortunately, all I've proved is that I'm nothing. And this, for some reason, is worse than the end of the world to me. I mean, duh! Of course I'm nothing! Isn't that why the grace of God is so miraculous?
The most productive season of my life (in terms of managing our home) came at a time when things were externally difficult. I was pregnant with number 4. God came to me in the middle of a movie. The image on the screen was just a man hugging a woman (a friend.) And God, in that moment, just revealed his love to me. I went an laid on the floor for I don't know how long. He satisfied my longing to be both the center and to be hidden. He convinced me in a moment that I was to Him, the Bride. The golden one. He revealed me as the adored daughter, swinging in her Father's arms. And he hid me in the folds of his robes, so close that I could twine my fingers in his beard and breathe his scent. I was protected and covered.
From that center of acceptance, running my race was so easy. All those reasons just fell by as irrelevant. For months, I could just do it, walking in peace. But then, my mom came and helped me out when my son was born, and something in that season washed it all away.
But the truth is still there. I wish I could find it again. My husband's anger and my desire to please, and my offense at his coldness trip me up in embracing truth. Yet there is always a way around temptation. Faith is always possible.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Draw Near
I haven't been on here as much. A few days ago a pair of scriptures kinda stuck to me, the first was this, from Mathew:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
The second one, now that I look, I seem to have misremembered. What I recalled was a rebuke to those that ask questions and don't listen to the answers.
I have fussed and asked and wrestled and wondered about many things. But here is the quiet and simple answer of Jesus: "Come to me." I am weak--unable to understand, unable to make up for my debts, unable to give something of real value on my own. And I'm weary and worn with the effort of doing so. I long for the rest Jesus offers. His yoke--walking in the steps he lays--makes me smile.
So, that's where my striving has been the last few days--not in wrestling with questions, but with being more quiet and drawing near in simpleness. On the inside. On the outside, I've been crazy busy with events and homeschool stuff AND reading a lovely novel.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
The second one, now that I look, I seem to have misremembered. What I recalled was a rebuke to those that ask questions and don't listen to the answers.
I have fussed and asked and wrestled and wondered about many things. But here is the quiet and simple answer of Jesus: "Come to me." I am weak--unable to understand, unable to make up for my debts, unable to give something of real value on my own. And I'm weary and worn with the effort of doing so. I long for the rest Jesus offers. His yoke--walking in the steps he lays--makes me smile.
So, that's where my striving has been the last few days--not in wrestling with questions, but with being more quiet and drawing near in simpleness. On the inside. On the outside, I've been crazy busy with events and homeschool stuff AND reading a lovely novel.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Development of the Status Quo
I've been thinking more about the History of American Education. While I wouldn't doubt that public education was begun with mixed motives (creating unity/conformity from diversity, making good workers, benefitting the poor, etc.), I think that the history of public education is highly flavored with reactions to a changing culture. Our family life has broke down considerably in the last 150 years. The collective ability to focus has been severely eroded by entertainment and leisure. The concept of discipline has been vilified. The traditional leadership of a. men and b. adults is openly scorned. While these changes have brought some good things, the cumulative effect has been to dump a lot of kids in the school system who are insecurely rooted in their families, accustomed to information presented in flashy 15 second soundbites, and burdened with "let the children lead" pressure. The public schools have scrambled to deal with these realities, but there is no way for them to fix these problems. It is neither within the appropriate place of government to address them, nor within its effective power, because they are matters of the heart.
We, the people of America and the parents of the next generation, have the responsibility to create stable homes, to provide meaningful work, and to bring our kids into the freedom of healthy submission. So, if I were running for president, that's what I'd angle for. ;-)
We, the people of America and the parents of the next generation, have the responsibility to create stable homes, to provide meaningful work, and to bring our kids into the freedom of healthy submission. So, if I were running for president, that's what I'd angle for. ;-)
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Agenda of State Schooling
I am having a mini crisis over schooling my kids. My oldest two daughters participate in a state run school at home program. They are loaned laptop computers which run a fairly inane curriculum with click the bubble questions after each reading. A teacher comes to our home every few weeks to chat with us—she monitors their progress remotely the rest of the time, much more loosely than I do myself.
The problem is that I have begun reading The Underground History of American Education by John Taylor Gatto. It is a scathing indictment of the American compulsory school phenomenon, holding that public schools took a population that was nearly completely literate and dumbed them down to the point where average spelling is at the level of text messaging abbreviations. Gatto’s opinion appears to be that this was no accident: a large number of dumb, minimum wage workers are required to make the U.S. economy go, so the schools produce them in quantity. The thought makes my stomach turn. It makes me want to avoid every trace of participation in “school” as the government conceives it.
I have believed all along that I could easily fulfill the government’s goals along with my own. But if the goal of state schooling is to sap passion for learning from my kid’s brains and take away their time for real life, then that is a conflict of interest I can’t ignore.
My 12 year old gets up before everyone else in the family because she likes the quiet morning hours for doing her schoolwork. I require her to do her math work before she logs on to the online textbooks, and she is often done with all of it by 8:30 in the morning when the rest of the house gets up and begins breakfast and chores. She spends the rest of her day doing as she pleases: doing crafts, reading, making butter and cheese, cooking things, reading to her brother, sewing, etc.
My 10 year old is a sleepy head and is often last up. She milks the cow, and mosies through breakfast and is often just starting school at noon. Her math takes her forever, and she zooms through her computer school. She reads plenty. She is reading the Lord of the Rings Trilogy for about the fourth time in two years, and grabs other quicker reads as I bring them from the library. She spends her spare time making clay pots, frolicking with her pet goat, playing songs with her sister on her guitar, and most recently, working with a hide she is tanning.
All that to say, I don’t think the inane curriculum time has caused their brains to leak out of their ears yet. I am afraid if I read the rest of this book, however, I may be utterly unwilling to participate with the system at all. In any case, I think it is time to revisit my goals for these children again.
The problem is that I have begun reading The Underground History of American Education by John Taylor Gatto. It is a scathing indictment of the American compulsory school phenomenon, holding that public schools took a population that was nearly completely literate and dumbed them down to the point where average spelling is at the level of text messaging abbreviations. Gatto’s opinion appears to be that this was no accident: a large number of dumb, minimum wage workers are required to make the U.S. economy go, so the schools produce them in quantity. The thought makes my stomach turn. It makes me want to avoid every trace of participation in “school” as the government conceives it.
I have believed all along that I could easily fulfill the government’s goals along with my own. But if the goal of state schooling is to sap passion for learning from my kid’s brains and take away their time for real life, then that is a conflict of interest I can’t ignore.
My 12 year old gets up before everyone else in the family because she likes the quiet morning hours for doing her schoolwork. I require her to do her math work before she logs on to the online textbooks, and she is often done with all of it by 8:30 in the morning when the rest of the house gets up and begins breakfast and chores. She spends the rest of her day doing as she pleases: doing crafts, reading, making butter and cheese, cooking things, reading to her brother, sewing, etc.
My 10 year old is a sleepy head and is often last up. She milks the cow, and mosies through breakfast and is often just starting school at noon. Her math takes her forever, and she zooms through her computer school. She reads plenty. She is reading the Lord of the Rings Trilogy for about the fourth time in two years, and grabs other quicker reads as I bring them from the library. She spends her spare time making clay pots, frolicking with her pet goat, playing songs with her sister on her guitar, and most recently, working with a hide she is tanning.
All that to say, I don’t think the inane curriculum time has caused their brains to leak out of their ears yet. I am afraid if I read the rest of this book, however, I may be utterly unwilling to participate with the system at all. In any case, I think it is time to revisit my goals for these children again.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Church Life
We had a great day today. We went to a farm that was having an open house. The owners had sent word out on our homeschool communication loop, so there were a number of familiar faces there. The kids had a blast competing in sack races, throwing raw eggs, painting pumpkins and eating soup and milk shakes. I enjoyed the live music and quality conversation with a friend from high school.
From there, we visited friends that allowed us to use their cider press (and apples!) to make cider, while our kids helped and played. More good conversation and just life sharing.
This is what I want my kids to think of when they hear "church." The community of Called Out Ones. But without the religious structure, they don't seem very "called out." It has a sanctified feel to me, but if there are no worship songs, praying or bible stories, will the kids realize God's role in it?
From there, we visited friends that allowed us to use their cider press (and apples!) to make cider, while our kids helped and played. More good conversation and just life sharing.
This is what I want my kids to think of when they hear "church." The community of Called Out Ones. But without the religious structure, they don't seem very "called out." It has a sanctified feel to me, but if there are no worship songs, praying or bible stories, will the kids realize God's role in it?
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Please, Not Hell!
"Oh, PLEASE! Don't go looking into whether Hell is real! If we question hell, we will NEVER find a church!" This was my response to my hubby bringing home printouts on the history of the ideology of hell.
How sad for me. What are we coming to if we can't look honestly at the faith we profess and promote? What is the point of our gathering if we can't talk about ideas like these? I think that the branding of Christianity is one of the biggest stultifiers of growth. Branding--the idea that you can put a Baptist or Episcopal or Presbyterian sticker on a church and know what they believe. There can be little dynamic growth and revelation. It is assumed that by the time a man is old enough to graduate seminary that his beliefs are in line with orthodoxy and will not require any major adjustment until Jesus returns. This idea borders between optimism and arrogance.
The creeds that we all mouth do little for maintaining orthodoxy. What do you mean by One? What do you mean by Created? And what the heck is up with "I believe in God the Father, maker of Heaven and Earth" when John says Jesus was the creator--and without him nothing was made that has been made?
The real application of this is the idea that if you are part of a body, and discover the denomination is "holy cow" wrong about some big things, what do you do? If love and unity are the highest laws, perhaps it does not then matter if we functionally preach "another gospel," so long as we are generous and kind to one another.
This all hinges on what the Main Things are. Obviously, Christ is central. It is the essence of being in Christ that makes a Christian and creates fellowship. But there are lines around what this means. A Mormon will tell you that they believe that Jesus Christ died for their sins. Does that mean we have fellowship with them? They may go on to quote you the book of Mormon where it says that once you are REALLY good, THEN you will be given the Holy Spirit--a complete violation of the gospel, as I understand it. And shades of this same heresy are ubiquitous in religious circles. God can only act if you do X. To receive the Holy Spirit, you must not eat for three days, then pray for six hours, then mumble incoherently for an hour to prove you are serious. And make sure you really are sincere, because like a horse, God can smell fear.
In more conservative circles, independence is encouraged by books like The Purpose Driven Life, which tells you figure out why God made you and walk in it. Christians cry for this kind of book, like the Israelites chafed against the theocracy God gave them. They want a King: a visible standard to follow so that they can follow and measure how they are doing. God would lead our hearts, but we want something we can see. It's the difference between feeling the beat of the music and moving to it and following the numbered footsteps on the floor. If we are possessed by the Great Dancer, why are we stomping through numbered footprints?
I believe Jesus Christ is the only way of salvation. Most people believe the Bible teaches that if you don't put faith in Him, the result is eternal, conscious suffering. Is this a main thing? If I look in the Bible and find more evidence that the damned are destroyed, do we have fellowship? In my mind, we have fellowship if we remain grounded in Christ. If we are more attached to our denomination than we are to seeking what is true, we will be torn. If we are more attached to being right than we are to loving each other, we will be torn. If you believe in hell and I don't, we can still share Christ. And really, it ends up being a very secondary issue. Because the foundation is faith: are we walking in our own strength and wisdom or by the Spirit's leading and power. You can violate or fulfill that AND believe or disbelieve in hell, I think.
It feels very vulnerable and dependent to stay open to God rewriting my inner story. I would like to camp on a denominational standing--or even my own--and stop asking if it is true and how the pieces fit together. I just don't think I have that freedom.
How sad for me. What are we coming to if we can't look honestly at the faith we profess and promote? What is the point of our gathering if we can't talk about ideas like these? I think that the branding of Christianity is one of the biggest stultifiers of growth. Branding--the idea that you can put a Baptist or Episcopal or Presbyterian sticker on a church and know what they believe. There can be little dynamic growth and revelation. It is assumed that by the time a man is old enough to graduate seminary that his beliefs are in line with orthodoxy and will not require any major adjustment until Jesus returns. This idea borders between optimism and arrogance.
The creeds that we all mouth do little for maintaining orthodoxy. What do you mean by One? What do you mean by Created? And what the heck is up with "I believe in God the Father, maker of Heaven and Earth" when John says Jesus was the creator--and without him nothing was made that has been made?
The real application of this is the idea that if you are part of a body, and discover the denomination is "holy cow" wrong about some big things, what do you do? If love and unity are the highest laws, perhaps it does not then matter if we functionally preach "another gospel," so long as we are generous and kind to one another.
This all hinges on what the Main Things are. Obviously, Christ is central. It is the essence of being in Christ that makes a Christian and creates fellowship. But there are lines around what this means. A Mormon will tell you that they believe that Jesus Christ died for their sins. Does that mean we have fellowship with them? They may go on to quote you the book of Mormon where it says that once you are REALLY good, THEN you will be given the Holy Spirit--a complete violation of the gospel, as I understand it. And shades of this same heresy are ubiquitous in religious circles. God can only act if you do X. To receive the Holy Spirit, you must not eat for three days, then pray for six hours, then mumble incoherently for an hour to prove you are serious. And make sure you really are sincere, because like a horse, God can smell fear.
In more conservative circles, independence is encouraged by books like The Purpose Driven Life, which tells you figure out why God made you and walk in it. Christians cry for this kind of book, like the Israelites chafed against the theocracy God gave them. They want a King: a visible standard to follow so that they can follow and measure how they are doing. God would lead our hearts, but we want something we can see. It's the difference between feeling the beat of the music and moving to it and following the numbered footsteps on the floor. If we are possessed by the Great Dancer, why are we stomping through numbered footprints?
I believe Jesus Christ is the only way of salvation. Most people believe the Bible teaches that if you don't put faith in Him, the result is eternal, conscious suffering. Is this a main thing? If I look in the Bible and find more evidence that the damned are destroyed, do we have fellowship? In my mind, we have fellowship if we remain grounded in Christ. If we are more attached to our denomination than we are to seeking what is true, we will be torn. If we are more attached to being right than we are to loving each other, we will be torn. If you believe in hell and I don't, we can still share Christ. And really, it ends up being a very secondary issue. Because the foundation is faith: are we walking in our own strength and wisdom or by the Spirit's leading and power. You can violate or fulfill that AND believe or disbelieve in hell, I think.
It feels very vulnerable and dependent to stay open to God rewriting my inner story. I would like to camp on a denominational standing--or even my own--and stop asking if it is true and how the pieces fit together. I just don't think I have that freedom.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Searing the Conscience
Sometimes in Christian circles, you hear the phrase "a seared conscience" and it is used as the result of ignoring God's word and disobeying. The concept is that if you ignore God enough, you lose the ability to hear him, you become insensitive. That may be true. But the actual scripture that this phrase comes from has a rather different lesson:
1 Tim 4:1-54:1 The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2 Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3 They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4 For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5 because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.
So those with a seared conscience, are they ignoring godly boundaries? No, they are creating a stricter morality. How can being stricter sear the conscience?
1 Tim 4:1-54:1 The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2 Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3 They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4 For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5 because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.
So those with a seared conscience, are they ignoring godly boundaries? No, they are creating a stricter morality. How can being stricter sear the conscience?
Woe
The kids and I are reading Luke at breakfast time (on a good day). I read a section aloud, then each person gets to ask a question, and answer a question. It's fun.
Today we read part of Luke 6. The kids are pretty familiar with "Blessed are the hungry, for they shall be filled," because that's the scripture I quote to them when they whine for snacks. This section comes after and stuck with me today:
Luke 6:24-26
"But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep. Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets. "
I don't know what Joel Osteen does with this passage. Is this a passage that is flatly against being happy? Is it fair to take this as spiritual instruction, or is it more literal? I feel a sense of dread when I read this, for fear that I will lose all good things I currently enjoy. But I have to believe that if it says "Woe to you" that there must be some way to repent. Being rich, well fed, and laughing are morally neutral. Being well spoken of is a good thing throughout scripture--proverbs says that a good name is to be desired above all things, and a NT requirement for an elder/decon is that they have a good reputation in the community. So surely these things are not actually bad.
What's wrong with all those things? I think it must be self-sufficiency. Rev 3:17-18 says "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see."
So how do I "buy" gold? I think the white clothes are righteous acts...but what is salve for the eyes?
Today we read part of Luke 6. The kids are pretty familiar with "Blessed are the hungry, for they shall be filled," because that's the scripture I quote to them when they whine for snacks. This section comes after and stuck with me today:
Luke 6:24-26
"But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep. Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets. "
I don't know what Joel Osteen does with this passage. Is this a passage that is flatly against being happy? Is it fair to take this as spiritual instruction, or is it more literal? I feel a sense of dread when I read this, for fear that I will lose all good things I currently enjoy. But I have to believe that if it says "Woe to you" that there must be some way to repent. Being rich, well fed, and laughing are morally neutral. Being well spoken of is a good thing throughout scripture--proverbs says that a good name is to be desired above all things, and a NT requirement for an elder/decon is that they have a good reputation in the community. So surely these things are not actually bad.
What's wrong with all those things? I think it must be self-sufficiency. Rev 3:17-18 says "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see."
So how do I "buy" gold? I think the white clothes are righteous acts...but what is salve for the eyes?
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Lessons in Housekeeping
Six weeks ago when the weather was still balmy, I was snuggling my 4yo off to sleep. Her six year old brother was wandering around the room getting ready to be snuggled too. He picked something up off the floor and asked me what it was, handing it to me. I didn't really know, but when someone hands you something vaguely furry next to your face in the dark, you throw it--far and fast. And turn the light on. What was it? A bat. We have cats, and they drag things in. And this kitty gift was a tiny fruit bat that had breathed its last.
Well, we homeschool, and we were currently doing a unit on flying things. After looking at the little bat briefly (since it was bedtime), I promised the kids we would study bats "tomorrow" and sealed the bat in a ziploc baggie and put it in the fridge to preserve it until then.
You know where this is going, don't you? Well, tomorrow never came. And this morning, while cleaning out my fridge, I got a lovely lesson in "Do it Now." If you ever wondered what a bat that died six weeks ago looks like, let me tell you, you don't want to know. Ziploc baggies and refrigeration only go so far in preserving small mammals. Another lesson: never wait so long to clean your fridge that a bat could rot in there. Someone should put that on one of those helpful plaques.
Well, we homeschool, and we were currently doing a unit on flying things. After looking at the little bat briefly (since it was bedtime), I promised the kids we would study bats "tomorrow" and sealed the bat in a ziploc baggie and put it in the fridge to preserve it until then.
You know where this is going, don't you? Well, tomorrow never came. And this morning, while cleaning out my fridge, I got a lovely lesson in "Do it Now." If you ever wondered what a bat that died six weeks ago looks like, let me tell you, you don't want to know. Ziploc baggies and refrigeration only go so far in preserving small mammals. Another lesson: never wait so long to clean your fridge that a bat could rot in there. Someone should put that on one of those helpful plaques.
Friday, September 28, 2007
The Joy of the Lord
I love everything. I love photography, writing, drawing, teaching, history, good conversation, dissecting movies and books, coaching the lego team kids, pursuing friends, growing plants, eating right, running, milking the goat...I love it all. Why do I do any of this? Is it because I should? No, I must admit I do it because I love it.
Does doing what we love please God as much as doing what we hate? Or, put another way, is it more pleasing to God for us to do what we enjoy or to do what we do not enjoy? I love teaching. It isn't because I feel like I'm giving something, though I may be. I just love it--love breaking ideas in little bits, love seeing them digested. Love to see others delight in new knowledge and to share in that wonder. Am I giving a gift when I do something for the personal joy of it? If I hated teaching and did it anyway because I thought it was right, is that worth more? My gut says that "God loves a cheerful giver." He is pleased when we walk in the goodness of what He put in us. Yet sometimes he does call us to do things we don't like. But once we step into those things, won't we find the joy of obedience even if we don't find the joy of washing windows? I think the joy of the Lord is in the submitted heart that delights in the fittingness of obeying the Spirit's direction, which places our feet in the footsteps of love.
For a while, I had to go running everyday. My heart compelled me to do so--I loved it. I had a running buddy and our time on the pavement was the highlight of my day. In that time, I felt the sheer joy of God when I was there. I don't think he was up there going, "Whew, she's finally doing something healthy." I have no idea if my little time sweating benefited my health--probably did. But if had been as unhealthy as smoking, I would have done it anyway because I loved it. I felt the pleasure of God in me, the appropriateness of doing something I was made for. I have a body that is tall and strong and fit and has a capacity for speed. It is good. Experiencing the goodness of what God has made is Good.
I am not sure how dying to self fits into this. Perhaps it is not so far away. We were, after all, made to walk in the Spirit. The delight of running the race is in the track where were created to be. Now that I think of it, giving with no holding back is delightful like those other things are.
Does doing what we love please God as much as doing what we hate? Or, put another way, is it more pleasing to God for us to do what we enjoy or to do what we do not enjoy? I love teaching. It isn't because I feel like I'm giving something, though I may be. I just love it--love breaking ideas in little bits, love seeing them digested. Love to see others delight in new knowledge and to share in that wonder. Am I giving a gift when I do something for the personal joy of it? If I hated teaching and did it anyway because I thought it was right, is that worth more? My gut says that "God loves a cheerful giver." He is pleased when we walk in the goodness of what He put in us. Yet sometimes he does call us to do things we don't like. But once we step into those things, won't we find the joy of obedience even if we don't find the joy of washing windows? I think the joy of the Lord is in the submitted heart that delights in the fittingness of obeying the Spirit's direction, which places our feet in the footsteps of love.
For a while, I had to go running everyday. My heart compelled me to do so--I loved it. I had a running buddy and our time on the pavement was the highlight of my day. In that time, I felt the sheer joy of God when I was there. I don't think he was up there going, "Whew, she's finally doing something healthy." I have no idea if my little time sweating benefited my health--probably did. But if had been as unhealthy as smoking, I would have done it anyway because I loved it. I felt the pleasure of God in me, the appropriateness of doing something I was made for. I have a body that is tall and strong and fit and has a capacity for speed. It is good. Experiencing the goodness of what God has made is Good.
I am not sure how dying to self fits into this. Perhaps it is not so far away. We were, after all, made to walk in the Spirit. The delight of running the race is in the track where were created to be. Now that I think of it, giving with no holding back is delightful like those other things are.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Notes on Captivating
I am reading Captivating by John and Stasi Elderidge, the girl book to Wild at Heart. It has been somewhat frustrating and painful. The book often focuses on what is broken in the feminine and how women are twisted. Then it lays out the ideal. But the bridge between them is always the mystery.
I laugh cynically when I read that both the author and her husband had been thinking that they had disappointed each other, but it turned out that it was just the devil accusing them. They cast out that spirit of accusation, so that they could revel in their acceptance and satisfaction with each other. Ha! and double HA! To be married is to be disappointed and to disappoint.
I love being married and wouldn't trade my husband for anything. We have one of the most satisfying relationships I have seen or can imagine. But it has also been marked by pain, anger and unmet expectations and the death of dreams. No amount of casting out of demons would change that. The only thing that brings peace in that place is the death of self, and accepting what gifts my husband brings, and an end to trying to take what isn't there. Grace grows faster than slow healing, and learning to live without comes before learning to supply one another.
I have been bouncing ideas from Captivating off my husband, and he has been mostly unimpressed. I've been annoyed that he doesn't appreciate the feminine enough. However, I was very encouraged by his latest response: "My masculine self will never be fully realized in the flesh. Your feminine self will never be fully realized in the flesh. This does not mean despair... it means there is an alternate hope, a transcendent hope. I will not hope in the feminine nor the masculine... it is not destined to be. I won't find the leadership and teaching and mentorship and pastoral care from a man that I would like. I won't find the encouraging, submitted, obedient, wise, caring, women either."
It just let me off the hook, you know? Here's this ideal woman lifted up, and I can't be her. I can't get there. But it's okay, because this isn't the last stop on the train. My flesh will die, and I will awaken a Fully New Creation, with my femininity intact. As I walk in the Spirit now, I will taste the blessings to come, including more of what the sexes were meant to be, but uncrafted and uncontrived by human mind or hand.
I laugh cynically when I read that both the author and her husband had been thinking that they had disappointed each other, but it turned out that it was just the devil accusing them. They cast out that spirit of accusation, so that they could revel in their acceptance and satisfaction with each other. Ha! and double HA! To be married is to be disappointed and to disappoint.
I love being married and wouldn't trade my husband for anything. We have one of the most satisfying relationships I have seen or can imagine. But it has also been marked by pain, anger and unmet expectations and the death of dreams. No amount of casting out of demons would change that. The only thing that brings peace in that place is the death of self, and accepting what gifts my husband brings, and an end to trying to take what isn't there. Grace grows faster than slow healing, and learning to live without comes before learning to supply one another.
I have been bouncing ideas from Captivating off my husband, and he has been mostly unimpressed. I've been annoyed that he doesn't appreciate the feminine enough. However, I was very encouraged by his latest response: "My masculine self will never be fully realized in the flesh. Your feminine self will never be fully realized in the flesh. This does not mean despair... it means there is an alternate hope, a transcendent hope. I will not hope in the feminine nor the masculine... it is not destined to be. I won't find the leadership and teaching and mentorship and pastoral care from a man that I would like. I won't find the encouraging, submitted, obedient, wise, caring, women either."
It just let me off the hook, you know? Here's this ideal woman lifted up, and I can't be her. I can't get there. But it's okay, because this isn't the last stop on the train. My flesh will die, and I will awaken a Fully New Creation, with my femininity intact. As I walk in the Spirit now, I will taste the blessings to come, including more of what the sexes were meant to be, but uncrafted and uncontrived by human mind or hand.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The Woodcutter's Horse
I really like this story, as told by Max Lucado in The Eye of the Storm:
The Woodcutter's Horse
Once there was an old man who lived in a tiny village. Although poor, he was envied by all, for he owned a beautiful white horse. Even the king coveted his treasure. A horse like this had never been seen before – such was its splendor, its majesty, its strength.
People offered fabulous prices for the steed, but the old man always refused. “This horse is not a horse to me,” he would tell them. “It is a person. How could you sell a person? He is a friend, not a possession. How could you sell a friend.” The man was poor and the temptation was great. But he never sold the horse.
One morning he found that the horse was not in his stable. All the village came to see him. “You old fool,” they scoffed, “we told you that someone would steal your horse. We warned you that you would be robbed. You are so poor. How could you ever protect such a valuable animal? It would have been better to have sold him. You could have gotten whatever price you wanted. No amount would have been to high. Now the horse is gone and you’ve been cursed with misfortune.”
The old man responded, “Don’t speak too quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know; the rest is judgment. If I’ve been cursed or not, how can you know? How can you judge?”
The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may not be philosophers, but great philosophy is not needed. The simple fact that your horse is gone is a curse.”
The old man spoke again. “All I know is that the stable is empty, and the horse is gone. The rest I don’t know. Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say. All we can see is a fragment. Who can say what will come next?”
The people of the village laughed. They thought that the man was crazy. They had always thought he was a fool; if he wasn’t, he would have sold the horse and lived off the money. But instead, he was a poor woodcutter, and old man still cutting firewood and dragging it out of the forest and selling it. He lived hand to mouth in the misery of poverty. Now he had proven that he was, indeed, a fool.
After fifteen days, the horse returned. He hadn’t been stolen; he had run away into the forest. Not only had he returned, he had brought a dozen wild horses with him. Once again, the village people gathered around the woodcutter and spoke. “Old man, you were right and we were wrong. What we thought was a curse was a blessing. Please forgive us.”
The man responded, “Once again, you go too far. Say only that the horse is back. State only that a dozen horses returned with him, but don’t judge. How do you know if this is a blessing or not? You see only a fragment. Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge? You read only one page of a book. Can you judge the whole book? You read only one word of one phrase. Can you understand the entire phrase?”
“Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word. All you have is one fragment! Don’t say that this is a blessing. No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t.”
“Maybe the old man is right,” they said to one another. So they said little. But down deep, they knew he was wrong. They knew it was a blessing. Twelve wild horses had returned. With a little work, the animals could be broken and trained and sold for much money.
The old man had a son, an only son. The young man began to break the wild horses. After a few days, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs. Once again the villagers gathered around the old man and cast their judgments.
“You were right,” they said. “You proved you were right. The dozen horses were not a blessing. They were a curse. Your only son has broken both his legs, and now in your old age you have no one to help you. Now you are poorer than ever.”
The old man spoke again. “You people are obsessed with judging. Don’t go so far. Say only that my son broke his legs. Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse? No one knows. We only have a fragment. Life comes in fragments.”
It so happened that a few weeks later the country engaged in war against a neighboring country. All the young men of the village were required to join the army. Only the son of the old man was excluded, because he was injured. Once again the people gathered around the old man, crying and screaming because their sons had been taken. There was little chance that they would return. The enemy was strong, and the war would be a losing struggle. They would never see their sons again.
“You were right, old man,” They wept. “God knows you were right. This proves it. Your son’s accident was a blessing. His legs may be broken, but at least he is with you. Our sons are gone forever.”
The old man spoke again. “It is impossible to talk with you. You always draw conclusions. No one knows. Say only this. Your sons had to go to war, and mine did not. No one knows if it is a blessing or a curse. No one is wise enough to know. Only God knows.”
Rom 8:28-34
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
The Woodcutter's Horse
Once there was an old man who lived in a tiny village. Although poor, he was envied by all, for he owned a beautiful white horse. Even the king coveted his treasure. A horse like this had never been seen before – such was its splendor, its majesty, its strength.
People offered fabulous prices for the steed, but the old man always refused. “This horse is not a horse to me,” he would tell them. “It is a person. How could you sell a person? He is a friend, not a possession. How could you sell a friend.” The man was poor and the temptation was great. But he never sold the horse.
One morning he found that the horse was not in his stable. All the village came to see him. “You old fool,” they scoffed, “we told you that someone would steal your horse. We warned you that you would be robbed. You are so poor. How could you ever protect such a valuable animal? It would have been better to have sold him. You could have gotten whatever price you wanted. No amount would have been to high. Now the horse is gone and you’ve been cursed with misfortune.”
The old man responded, “Don’t speak too quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know; the rest is judgment. If I’ve been cursed or not, how can you know? How can you judge?”
The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may not be philosophers, but great philosophy is not needed. The simple fact that your horse is gone is a curse.”
The old man spoke again. “All I know is that the stable is empty, and the horse is gone. The rest I don’t know. Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say. All we can see is a fragment. Who can say what will come next?”
The people of the village laughed. They thought that the man was crazy. They had always thought he was a fool; if he wasn’t, he would have sold the horse and lived off the money. But instead, he was a poor woodcutter, and old man still cutting firewood and dragging it out of the forest and selling it. He lived hand to mouth in the misery of poverty. Now he had proven that he was, indeed, a fool.
After fifteen days, the horse returned. He hadn’t been stolen; he had run away into the forest. Not only had he returned, he had brought a dozen wild horses with him. Once again, the village people gathered around the woodcutter and spoke. “Old man, you were right and we were wrong. What we thought was a curse was a blessing. Please forgive us.”
The man responded, “Once again, you go too far. Say only that the horse is back. State only that a dozen horses returned with him, but don’t judge. How do you know if this is a blessing or not? You see only a fragment. Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge? You read only one page of a book. Can you judge the whole book? You read only one word of one phrase. Can you understand the entire phrase?”
“Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word. All you have is one fragment! Don’t say that this is a blessing. No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t.”
“Maybe the old man is right,” they said to one another. So they said little. But down deep, they knew he was wrong. They knew it was a blessing. Twelve wild horses had returned. With a little work, the animals could be broken and trained and sold for much money.
The old man had a son, an only son. The young man began to break the wild horses. After a few days, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs. Once again the villagers gathered around the old man and cast their judgments.
“You were right,” they said. “You proved you were right. The dozen horses were not a blessing. They were a curse. Your only son has broken both his legs, and now in your old age you have no one to help you. Now you are poorer than ever.”
The old man spoke again. “You people are obsessed with judging. Don’t go so far. Say only that my son broke his legs. Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse? No one knows. We only have a fragment. Life comes in fragments.”
It so happened that a few weeks later the country engaged in war against a neighboring country. All the young men of the village were required to join the army. Only the son of the old man was excluded, because he was injured. Once again the people gathered around the old man, crying and screaming because their sons had been taken. There was little chance that they would return. The enemy was strong, and the war would be a losing struggle. They would never see their sons again.
“You were right, old man,” They wept. “God knows you were right. This proves it. Your son’s accident was a blessing. His legs may be broken, but at least he is with you. Our sons are gone forever.”
The old man spoke again. “It is impossible to talk with you. You always draw conclusions. No one knows. Say only this. Your sons had to go to war, and mine did not. No one knows if it is a blessing or a curse. No one is wise enough to know. Only God knows.”
Rom 8:28-34
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
Eternal Insecurity
My flesh screams, "I am NOT okay!" and it prattles on a list of failures and fears to prove its point. My timid soul asks, "Am I okay?" I know, my earlier poem promised that I wouldn't ask this any more, but I'm not soaked with okayness yet.
It's the Bible that kills me on this. Scriptures that say things like "I would that you were hot or cold, but you are lukewarm and I'm about to vomit you up," or "You are not the ones that shrink back and are destroyed (ha!)..." or any number of other verses that present the importance of standing in faith--which I suck at. I'm not talking about all the religious things I'm bad at. It doesn't really bug me that I don't pray the way I think others might say I should, or that we don't punch a clock at a church. I don't feel guilty for not singing worship songs, or volunteering at the soup kitchen or serving in the nursery somewhere. What slays me is my disobedience to the Spirit within me that says "Engage with your kids." It isn't like I never obey that voice--I do. But I know that my obedience is so slight and my failure is so great.
I'll have to finish this later. Kids calling.
It's the Bible that kills me on this. Scriptures that say things like "I would that you were hot or cold, but you are lukewarm and I'm about to vomit you up," or "You are not the ones that shrink back and are destroyed (ha!)..." or any number of other verses that present the importance of standing in faith--which I suck at. I'm not talking about all the religious things I'm bad at. It doesn't really bug me that I don't pray the way I think others might say I should, or that we don't punch a clock at a church. I don't feel guilty for not singing worship songs, or volunteering at the soup kitchen or serving in the nursery somewhere. What slays me is my disobedience to the Spirit within me that says "Engage with your kids." It isn't like I never obey that voice--I do. But I know that my obedience is so slight and my failure is so great.
I'll have to finish this later. Kids calling.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Let's Go to the Potluck!
"I am only asking you to go to a potluck, not marry these people!"
"I have nothing in common with them! It isn't like I haven't tried! I spent a year trying to connect with them. We don't mean the same things by what we say. We aren't pursuing the same gospel."
"How can you say that? The same God is that is leading you is also leading them. They are saved--the Holy Spirit is in them, leading them into all truth. Yes, they are out to lunch on some points. Are you saying that you aren't?"
"I'm sure I have some things wrong. But I don't want to lose the good that I do have by soaking in what I know isn't true. And I absolutely do not want my kids taught the "try harder" gospel!"
"I don't want that either. But couldn't you just spend one day every six months talking with someone about what God is saying to them, and share what's going on in your walk and be connected a bit on what you do share in common? I feel so edified when I find that people who have very different views are being led in the same things as I am by God."
"We are different in that way. I wish I could feel that too. But I don't. I feel sad. Deeply, deeply sad that the good news that is so essential isn't preached or lived or embraced there! I know that it brings bondage and destruction to believe what they preach. I don't want to be there for the hurt that it will cause."
"Well that's very loving! 'You're bound for pain so I don't want to go with you!' I know it makes a difference when we speak the truth to each other. Even people that argue with you about the extent of the Grace of God are introduced to an iota of doubt by your saying you are so forgiven that you needn't ask for more forgiveness. They may not be pursuaded, but they are at least aware of the question! It takes time! You can't expect to walk in the door and have people change their schema the first time it is discussed!"
"I don't. I don't want to change anyone's schema. I just want fellowship. And encouragement. And they don't believe what I believe. They are trying to build faith by whipping up emotion and it is doomed."
"You are overstating the separation. And it becomes wider in your absence. You don't miss talking with Mike, or Dan, or Earl?"
"I do like talking with those guys, but they really don't understand what I'm talking about. I am a lot of work for them. I disrupt what they are doing. It is more merciful for me to not rock their boats."
"Sometimes it is more loving to rock a person's boat than to leave them in calm water."
"That's true--but only if God tells you to rock it. God didn't tell me to rock their boat."
"You are impossible. I just want to go to the potluck, sing songs and talk with people."
"I don't care if I never sing another worship song again."
"How can you say that? I love to sing. I need the bolstering of my faith that meditating on the truth brings."
"Now, see what I mean? You are using the word faith as if it was a feeling."
"Be that as it may, singing about the goodness and power of God helps me believe that it is true and makes me more likely to live like it is. And that IS faith--living like God is all that."
"Well, it doesn't do that for me, and I don't trust my heart to be led by people who obviously believe things that are false. I am not interested in entering into an altered state of consciousness at their mercy."
"I just imagine a way in which the words could be true. It works for me."
"That's great for you--but what about your kids? We have a responsiblity to raise our kids in faith. And the road of emotionalism and law will baptize them into flesh and self effort, not trusting God."
"I still want to go to the potluck."
"I have nothing in common with them! It isn't like I haven't tried! I spent a year trying to connect with them. We don't mean the same things by what we say. We aren't pursuing the same gospel."
"How can you say that? The same God is that is leading you is also leading them. They are saved--the Holy Spirit is in them, leading them into all truth. Yes, they are out to lunch on some points. Are you saying that you aren't?"
"I'm sure I have some things wrong. But I don't want to lose the good that I do have by soaking in what I know isn't true. And I absolutely do not want my kids taught the "try harder" gospel!"
"I don't want that either. But couldn't you just spend one day every six months talking with someone about what God is saying to them, and share what's going on in your walk and be connected a bit on what you do share in common? I feel so edified when I find that people who have very different views are being led in the same things as I am by God."
"We are different in that way. I wish I could feel that too. But I don't. I feel sad. Deeply, deeply sad that the good news that is so essential isn't preached or lived or embraced there! I know that it brings bondage and destruction to believe what they preach. I don't want to be there for the hurt that it will cause."
"Well that's very loving! 'You're bound for pain so I don't want to go with you!' I know it makes a difference when we speak the truth to each other. Even people that argue with you about the extent of the Grace of God are introduced to an iota of doubt by your saying you are so forgiven that you needn't ask for more forgiveness. They may not be pursuaded, but they are at least aware of the question! It takes time! You can't expect to walk in the door and have people change their schema the first time it is discussed!"
"I don't. I don't want to change anyone's schema. I just want fellowship. And encouragement. And they don't believe what I believe. They are trying to build faith by whipping up emotion and it is doomed."
"You are overstating the separation. And it becomes wider in your absence. You don't miss talking with Mike, or Dan, or Earl?"
"I do like talking with those guys, but they really don't understand what I'm talking about. I am a lot of work for them. I disrupt what they are doing. It is more merciful for me to not rock their boats."
"Sometimes it is more loving to rock a person's boat than to leave them in calm water."
"That's true--but only if God tells you to rock it. God didn't tell me to rock their boat."
"You are impossible. I just want to go to the potluck, sing songs and talk with people."
"I don't care if I never sing another worship song again."
"How can you say that? I love to sing. I need the bolstering of my faith that meditating on the truth brings."
"Now, see what I mean? You are using the word faith as if it was a feeling."
"Be that as it may, singing about the goodness and power of God helps me believe that it is true and makes me more likely to live like it is. And that IS faith--living like God is all that."
"Well, it doesn't do that for me, and I don't trust my heart to be led by people who obviously believe things that are false. I am not interested in entering into an altered state of consciousness at their mercy."
"I just imagine a way in which the words could be true. It works for me."
"That's great for you--but what about your kids? We have a responsiblity to raise our kids in faith. And the road of emotionalism and law will baptize them into flesh and self effort, not trusting God."
"I still want to go to the potluck."
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Life is like a walk to Mt. Doom
We just finished watching all of LOTR with the older kids. It was the first time I'd watched the whole thing. I don't like violent movies, and I get figetty during extended action scenes. But I read the trilogy to the kids a couple years ago, and we have all been passionate LOTR afficionados ever since.
The whole LOTR thing is very dear to my heart. Here's a community of people living at the end of their age. And Frodo says something like "I wish this wasn't my life. I wish it hadn't come to this." And Gandalf answers that we don't get a choice about the times we live in, we just get to decide what to do with our time. I feel the twist of Frodo's lament, and the wisdom and peace of Gandalf's answer. Let's live in the Now and Love What Is.
I am afraid of Frodo's destiny though: "We saved the Shire, but not for me." When he reached the Far Country, did the sword of the nazgul cease to pain him? Will the agony of sin follow us beyond this chapter of the story? How is it that hell doesn't taint heaven?
The whole LOTR thing is very dear to my heart. Here's a community of people living at the end of their age. And Frodo says something like "I wish this wasn't my life. I wish it hadn't come to this." And Gandalf answers that we don't get a choice about the times we live in, we just get to decide what to do with our time. I feel the twist of Frodo's lament, and the wisdom and peace of Gandalf's answer. Let's live in the Now and Love What Is.
I am afraid of Frodo's destiny though: "We saved the Shire, but not for me." When he reached the Far Country, did the sword of the nazgul cease to pain him? Will the agony of sin follow us beyond this chapter of the story? How is it that hell doesn't taint heaven?
Friday, September 21, 2007
Does this Theology make me look fat?
I am still confronted with questions of whether I am big or small in this God thing. Here are some of the implications, as I see it:
If I am Big then...
My prayers/devotion/actions or lack thereof can alter God's actions
God thinks about me all the time and finds me irresistable
If I am Small then...
God will do with me and through me as He wants, and even my conformity to this is His act
God thinks about me all the time because He is good, big, and even pays attention to tiny things
For those of you more in the Big camp, I have a question. How do you deal with the unbelievable pressure of controlling what God does? Doesn't that make you bigger than him?
For those in the Small camp, How do you avoid passivity? If God is just going to do what he's going to do, why should I pursue him? Why pray?
If I am Big then...
My prayers/devotion/actions or lack thereof can alter God's actions
God thinks about me all the time and finds me irresistable
If I am Small then...
God will do with me and through me as He wants, and even my conformity to this is His act
God thinks about me all the time because He is good, big, and even pays attention to tiny things
For those of you more in the Big camp, I have a question. How do you deal with the unbelievable pressure of controlling what God does? Doesn't that make you bigger than him?
For those in the Small camp, How do you avoid passivity? If God is just going to do what he's going to do, why should I pursue him? Why pray?
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Truth about Being One
A friend recently made the case that even though he didn't feel like he and his wife were one, that they were one in the eyes of God. He believed that God no longer saw them as two people, but one. I am not sure what this can mean. At the resurrection, they will be awarded the same body to share, with a personality that is an amalgamation of the two? Sounds frightening. The two people have two different bodies, personalities, wills, needs, callings, roles, and desires. They have two separate lives, if one dies they do not both die. In short, they remain "Two" for all practical purposes. I am not sure what it would profit to imagine this is not so. Perhaps it serves to reinforce the unacceptability of divorce--very pragmatic, but is it based in truth?
The answer to the nature of oneness between man and wife matters for all of us, because it is a metaphor for our oneness with God. In what way are a husband and wife one that mirrors Christ's relationship with the church? Answer that, and I think you will find volumes about what it means to be indwelt by the Holy Spirit and the delight of obedience.
The answer to the nature of oneness between man and wife matters for all of us, because it is a metaphor for our oneness with God. In what way are a husband and wife one that mirrors Christ's relationship with the church? Answer that, and I think you will find volumes about what it means to be indwelt by the Holy Spirit and the delight of obedience.
I Don't Have To
A partial list of things I don’t have to do:
Keep up with the culture
Go to church
Fix my friends
Say something
Shave my toes
Make my children perfect
Apologize for the color of my hair
Make my husband happy
Write in my blog everyday forever
Explain why
Strangle my brother in law
Handle tomorrow today
Teach grammar this year
Win
Scrapbook
Get along with everybody
Have a “Ministry”
Know
Sing well before I sing with all my heart
1 Cor 6:12-13"Everything is permissible for me"-but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"-but I will not be mastered by anything.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
But it IS the End of the World!
Perhaps the hardest thing I have to deal with in my life is the expectation that we are at the zenith of our earthly lives. It won't get any better than this, and will likely get very, very much worse before it gets blissfully better. However, I don't understand the blissfully better very well, and have a very graphic vision of the worse.
What's worse, I have children that I must prepare for their lives in this. I can't honestly paint beautiful pictures for them about their future, nor do I dare paint the horror that could also be. All I can do is assure them of the goodness of the God we serve, and the awesome future we will share at the return of Christ. And teach them what they need to walk in faith, no matter what.
Here is a snip of something my daughter wrote for a school assignment:
What if the sun exploded? Well lets say that it did explode. So one day you were walking along. Then a few people come running up the street yelling that the time has come. You are puzzled for a minute but the you realize it was what you had all been waiting for for years. The death of the sun.
Now, I don't think Revelation says the sun will explode and I don't think that particular fear is hanging about her head. However, this sense of impending doom is a part of her life, and I hate, HATE, HATE that above all. I hate it when people in my husband's confidence talk about prophecy in front of her, I hate it when they leave printouts about the anti-Christ around the house, and I hate the gun she got for her birthday. I'd like to spit "doom" out permanently and raise my children with an honest optimism instead of this evasive "Don't ask about that" stance.
And yet there can be no resurrection without death. There can be no birth without labor. There can be no restoration without destruction. I would just like my epidural now, thank you very much.
What's worse, I have children that I must prepare for their lives in this. I can't honestly paint beautiful pictures for them about their future, nor do I dare paint the horror that could also be. All I can do is assure them of the goodness of the God we serve, and the awesome future we will share at the return of Christ. And teach them what they need to walk in faith, no matter what.
Here is a snip of something my daughter wrote for a school assignment:
What if the sun exploded? Well lets say that it did explode. So one day you were walking along. Then a few people come running up the street yelling that the time has come. You are puzzled for a minute but the you realize it was what you had all been waiting for for years. The death of the sun.
Now, I don't think Revelation says the sun will explode and I don't think that particular fear is hanging about her head. However, this sense of impending doom is a part of her life, and I hate, HATE, HATE that above all. I hate it when people in my husband's confidence talk about prophecy in front of her, I hate it when they leave printouts about the anti-Christ around the house, and I hate the gun she got for her birthday. I'd like to spit "doom" out permanently and raise my children with an honest optimism instead of this evasive "Don't ask about that" stance.
And yet there can be no resurrection without death. There can be no birth without labor. There can be no restoration without destruction. I would just like my epidural now, thank you very much.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Earth or Heaven?
If heaven is our home, why don't the meek get to come? Are the persecuted and the meek going two different places?
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. ....Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. ....Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
WHAT Joy?
- Hebrews 12:2-3
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
This weekend, our extended family gathered for a little campout at the grandparent’s house. Sitting around the campfire, I posed a question that comes from that verse up there. “What was the joy that inspired Jesus to endure the cross?” This wasn’t just idle curiosity or an invitation to an intellectual exercise to me. As my writings here have revealed, I need to know why I should endure whatever comes in the future, and more immediately, deny myself now. I think Jesus walked in the hope that he intends us to walk in also, so it matters WHY he did what he did.
The group was comprised of an eclectic sampling of older and younger, conservative and charismatic, strong in faith and some who feel far from God. Here are some of the answers, paraphrased:
“I think we are the joy that Jesus was seeking. I don’t really know any Biblical support for that, but that’s my impression.”
“He was looking forward to the Bride. He desired the intimacy of restored relationship with his people.”
“It was for glory that Jesus obeyed his Father and went to the cross. He didn’t do it because he felt like it, but because his Father said to. Jesus bought a Kingdom with his blood.”
“He was inspired by looking forward to making all things whole and complete. His death and resurrection laid the foundation for creation to be healed and restored. His joy is the perfection of all things.”
Then Great Grandpa said he thought that Jesus expressed his motivation well in his prayer in John 14:
[I pray that] all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."
This blows me away. Aspects of all the motivations mentioned were there, and at least one more as well.
First of all, Glory. Since that was kind of an empty word to me, I went to my study tools to see what I could find. I was not surprised to see glory described as a bright shininess or overwhelming power or honor. I was more intrigued by the primary meaning, though, which went back to the root of “to seem” or to make apparent. The glory of Christ was that the Father’s BEING, His Essence, was IN Him (Col 1:19). The Glory of God is not just an ethereal shining, but it is everything that He truly is: Good, Loving, Strong, Noble, Just, Merciful, Eternal, Powerful, etc. And Christ shares his glory with us: not just his power or right to rule, or the glow of righteousness, but the I AM that was within him is now IN us! The Essential God—the “I AM that I AM” has been shared with us, planted in us: “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.”(Col 2:9-10)
The cross of Christ was a benevolent act, to give us something we lacked. And check out what it is: “I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one.” He went through this to share his being so that we could have fellowship with one another and with him? It must be really important to God, this ability to belong to one another and live in peace and connectedness. The Kingdom of God that Christ establishes must be in essence one of unity of believers, because He is Love.
Some people have emphasized the aspect of the glory of God that is his authority, power, and justice. This is accurate as far it goes. However, the Glory of God that is put in us is much, much more. It is the very Holy Spirit in us, the indwelling, and it is primarily given for relational purposes: that we may be one with one another, and with God, sharing in His very nature, in ALL its fullness.
Col 2:9-15
For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. 11 In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead.
13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Pilgrim's Progress
An amazing section of Pilgrim's Progress (John Bunyan) A man named Christian is comparing notes on the journey of faith with a man named Faithful:
FAITH. But, good brother, hear me out. So soon as the man overtook me, he was but a word and a blow, for down he knocked me, and laid me for dead. But when I was a little come to myself again, I asked him wherefore he served me so. He said, because of my secret inclining to Adam the First; and with that he struck me another deadly blow on the breast, and beat me down backward; so I lay at his foot as dead as before. So, when I came to myself again, I cried him mercy; but he said, I know not how to show mercy; and with that he knocked me down again. He had doubtless made an end of me, but that one came by, and bid him forbear.
CHR. Who was that that bid him forbear?
FAITH. I did not know him at first, but as he went by, I perceived the holes in his hands and in his side; then I concluded that he was our Lord. So I went up the hill.
{178} CHR. That man that overtook you was Moses. He spareth none, neither knoweth he how to show mercy to those that transgress his law.
FAITH. I know it very well; it was not the first time that he has met with me. It was he that came to me when I dwelt securely at home, and that told me he would burn my house over my head if I stayed there.
We must take refuge in Christ. The law will kill us surely. It is good for telling us of the coming flames, but we must not walk in the way of the law, or it must kill us because it is good and holy and our flesh is not. This section is so poignant and vivid to me, because it assures me that I didn't make up my view of grace from recent bible trends, but that for hundreds of years, the gospel has been apparent and preached.
FAITH. But, good brother, hear me out. So soon as the man overtook me, he was but a word and a blow, for down he knocked me, and laid me for dead. But when I was a little come to myself again, I asked him wherefore he served me so. He said, because of my secret inclining to Adam the First; and with that he struck me another deadly blow on the breast, and beat me down backward; so I lay at his foot as dead as before. So, when I came to myself again, I cried him mercy; but he said, I know not how to show mercy; and with that he knocked me down again. He had doubtless made an end of me, but that one came by, and bid him forbear.
CHR. Who was that that bid him forbear?
FAITH. I did not know him at first, but as he went by, I perceived the holes in his hands and in his side; then I concluded that he was our Lord. So I went up the hill.
{178} CHR. That man that overtook you was Moses. He spareth none, neither knoweth he how to show mercy to those that transgress his law.
FAITH. I know it very well; it was not the first time that he has met with me. It was he that came to me when I dwelt securely at home, and that told me he would burn my house over my head if I stayed there.
We must take refuge in Christ. The law will kill us surely. It is good for telling us of the coming flames, but we must not walk in the way of the law, or it must kill us because it is good and holy and our flesh is not. This section is so poignant and vivid to me, because it assures me that I didn't make up my view of grace from recent bible trends, but that for hundreds of years, the gospel has been apparent and preached.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Jilted Lover or Wrathful Diety?
So, I'm listening to this sermon, and the preacher is telling me that God is yearning to have me come to Him, for me to be close to Him. That His heart is stretched with reaching for me, and faint with love.
Hmm, I think. Well, here's the book of Hosea, where God tells this guy to go take an unfaithful wife so that his life can be a picture of God's faithfulness to Israel. Then he goes on for chapters about how God was gentle and close, and his people wandered off and forgot him. Does he pursue with outstretched hand like a jilted lover? No, his response is initially one of wrathful destruction painted in horrible, violent terms. "You have sinned against me vilely, and I will expose you to shame," he seems to say. Then, he turns and shows compassion to the torn and defiled adulteress. He does not seem to be a God that can't bring himself to fling the unfaithful from him. He's not so enamored as all that. Yet neither is he without compassion and he doesn't pour out wrath forever. He comes with restoration after destruction--it really is a tale of resurrection to a higher life.
I am too afraid of the tearing God, and don't really understand the healing God.
I never used to struggle with these things. I used to be able to blithely say, "Oh, yes, whatever happens it is God's best for us, whatever his reasons, I'm sure He is Good." Now, that is a much harder truth to embrace. But it is no less true.
Hmm, I think. Well, here's the book of Hosea, where God tells this guy to go take an unfaithful wife so that his life can be a picture of God's faithfulness to Israel. Then he goes on for chapters about how God was gentle and close, and his people wandered off and forgot him. Does he pursue with outstretched hand like a jilted lover? No, his response is initially one of wrathful destruction painted in horrible, violent terms. "You have sinned against me vilely, and I will expose you to shame," he seems to say. Then, he turns and shows compassion to the torn and defiled adulteress. He does not seem to be a God that can't bring himself to fling the unfaithful from him. He's not so enamored as all that. Yet neither is he without compassion and he doesn't pour out wrath forever. He comes with restoration after destruction--it really is a tale of resurrection to a higher life.
I am too afraid of the tearing God, and don't really understand the healing God.
I never used to struggle with these things. I used to be able to blithely say, "Oh, yes, whatever happens it is God's best for us, whatever his reasons, I'm sure He is Good." Now, that is a much harder truth to embrace. But it is no less true.
Summing up John
This trip through the book of John has been exhilarating. I guess when I've read the gospels in the past, I've had all the other voices mixed in my head. I haven't *just* heard what the author was saying, but rather had my perception colored by what I know from sermons and reading. I lost the voice of the author in the cacophony.
But I intentionally read the account this time with my kids, who had never heard the whole story together like this, and I heard it with virgin ears. I got to know John, who so obviously bore great affection for Jesus and lived within his circle, yet worshipped Christ Jesus as God. I didn't realize how Jesus came across to John as always talking about his dependence on and submission to the Father. John saw Jesus as noble and self-contained (but that isn't quite the right word.)
I probably shouldn't have pointed out to my kids how Jesus broke the law. How will I ever get them to be good AWANA kids? ;-) Jesus did break the law, and he violated biblical principles. I hope the WWJD people never read John, or they'll be recommending providing alcohol to drunk people, sassing authorities, being intentionally offensive and obscure, flouting religious and social convention, disrupting church fundraising projects, and consorting with bad company. And they'll end up getting themselves killed when they could have just spoken more wisely and been free. The fact is, Jesus didn't live by the rules, he lived by the Spirit, and he never sinned once in spite of all the things that he did that we could not logically recommend. I do want my children to know how important it is to learn the voice of the Father and obey it. Jesus knew his Father's voice, and heeded it. That is what he did that we must do also, and one reason why he had to go away to send the Spirit.
But I intentionally read the account this time with my kids, who had never heard the whole story together like this, and I heard it with virgin ears. I got to know John, who so obviously bore great affection for Jesus and lived within his circle, yet worshipped Christ Jesus as God. I didn't realize how Jesus came across to John as always talking about his dependence on and submission to the Father. John saw Jesus as noble and self-contained (but that isn't quite the right word.)
I probably shouldn't have pointed out to my kids how Jesus broke the law. How will I ever get them to be good AWANA kids? ;-) Jesus did break the law, and he violated biblical principles. I hope the WWJD people never read John, or they'll be recommending providing alcohol to drunk people, sassing authorities, being intentionally offensive and obscure, flouting religious and social convention, disrupting church fundraising projects, and consorting with bad company. And they'll end up getting themselves killed when they could have just spoken more wisely and been free. The fact is, Jesus didn't live by the rules, he lived by the Spirit, and he never sinned once in spite of all the things that he did that we could not logically recommend. I do want my children to know how important it is to learn the voice of the Father and obey it. Jesus knew his Father's voice, and heeded it. That is what he did that we must do also, and one reason why he had to go away to send the Spirit.
How to Walk
Gal 5:16-18 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
We are not under law, but under grace. We serve in the new way of the Spirit. In what way is it new? We are indwelt by God, a condition that we enter into by placing our faith in the finished work of Christ and continue in as we lay down our own will and submit to the leading of the Spirit. It's different because we don't look at a list of principles and try to do them, but respond rather to the Spirit. Sounds risky, doesn't it. How can I suggest that the Christian life is so subjective?
Really, it isn't that subjective. We have lists of behaviors and attitudes that indicate the shape of the Spirit's leading. He is the spirit of Love, of laying down one's life. That is the master key to discernment. But we are given more than that--we know that murderers, slanderers, and people who live vile lives are not walking in the spirit. We know that Spirit filled lives have real peace, patience, goodness--a wholesomeness. You don't end up breaking the law when you walk in the Spirit, but it is not because you are walking according to the Law.
However, when we decide to walk instead by "Biblical Principle" (read: law), we pick a verse out and ape it, put it on and call it righteousness. Take tithing, for example. We don't have any Levitical priests to support, yet this is preached in their memory, from Malacai. You *don't* see the admonition to bring throw a party in the Lord's presence with the tithe, a la Deuteronomy 14:23. We let working on the Sabbath slide, yet hang on to the rest of the 10 commandments. We chop out the mandate to stone adulterers, and select instead "No smoking." (Oh, wait, I can't find the chapter and verse for that one...) The thing is, Jesus and the apostles didn't chop up and dissect the law. Jesus referred to even the writings of Psalms as "Law." And he extended it even further, to the mind and heart--if you so much as break one bit of the moral code even in your heart, you have shattered the whole thing. You must be perfect. That is the way of the law, it cannot have mercy. It is completely different than the way of the Spirit.
The Spirit gives life, the law kills. The Spirit brings righteousness, the law stirs up sin. The law is independent and self-powered, the Spirit filled life is dependent, humble, and fully empowered by God. There is so much scriptural evidence against mixing these two covenants, I am astounded that so many speak of "balance'' in them. The law *kills*. Why do you want any of that? It leads to sin and death, and not righteousness, why mix with that? Are you really suggesting that the spirit that Jesus sent us is not enough? It raised him from the dead, but can't bring us to holiness? Baffling.
We are not under law, but under grace. We serve in the new way of the Spirit. In what way is it new? We are indwelt by God, a condition that we enter into by placing our faith in the finished work of Christ and continue in as we lay down our own will and submit to the leading of the Spirit. It's different because we don't look at a list of principles and try to do them, but respond rather to the Spirit. Sounds risky, doesn't it. How can I suggest that the Christian life is so subjective?
Really, it isn't that subjective. We have lists of behaviors and attitudes that indicate the shape of the Spirit's leading. He is the spirit of Love, of laying down one's life. That is the master key to discernment. But we are given more than that--we know that murderers, slanderers, and people who live vile lives are not walking in the spirit. We know that Spirit filled lives have real peace, patience, goodness--a wholesomeness. You don't end up breaking the law when you walk in the Spirit, but it is not because you are walking according to the Law.
However, when we decide to walk instead by "Biblical Principle" (read: law), we pick a verse out and ape it, put it on and call it righteousness. Take tithing, for example. We don't have any Levitical priests to support, yet this is preached in their memory, from Malacai. You *don't* see the admonition to bring throw a party in the Lord's presence with the tithe, a la Deuteronomy 14:23. We let working on the Sabbath slide, yet hang on to the rest of the 10 commandments. We chop out the mandate to stone adulterers, and select instead "No smoking." (Oh, wait, I can't find the chapter and verse for that one...) The thing is, Jesus and the apostles didn't chop up and dissect the law. Jesus referred to even the writings of Psalms as "Law." And he extended it even further, to the mind and heart--if you so much as break one bit of the moral code even in your heart, you have shattered the whole thing. You must be perfect. That is the way of the law, it cannot have mercy. It is completely different than the way of the Spirit.
The Spirit gives life, the law kills. The Spirit brings righteousness, the law stirs up sin. The law is independent and self-powered, the Spirit filled life is dependent, humble, and fully empowered by God. There is so much scriptural evidence against mixing these two covenants, I am astounded that so many speak of "balance'' in them. The law *kills*. Why do you want any of that? It leads to sin and death, and not righteousness, why mix with that? Are you really suggesting that the spirit that Jesus sent us is not enough? It raised him from the dead, but can't bring us to holiness? Baffling.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
The Naked God
I'm just finishing up reading the book of John with my kids. It has been a fantastic fresh look at who Jesus is and his relationship with the disciples.
A few days ago, Jesus was crucified. He didn't want to suffer and die, but what else could he do? It was his whole purpose for coming. They say that no one made images of the crucified Saviour until anyone who had seen an actual crucifiction had died. Our images are cleansed and made more palatable, easier to handle. Jesus Christ was beaten within an inch of his life, made fun of by morons, hung naked--naked! to die amongst the human refuse, desserted by the crowds that would have made him king. The only token of his true identity, Pilate's lame statement of faith, "The King of the Jews." He was tortured to death completely and finally. He was as dead as a Roman soldier could make him. Thomas thought he was so thoroughly killed that he scoffed that he'd have to put his fingers in the holes in his hands to believe the resurrection.
How could the Maker of Heaven and Earth, stand silent in a court of fools, and allow himself to be subjected to such abasement? Such pain, for an uncomprehending humanity? I can't even begin to understand. I find that I must look away. This is a fearsome God, a horrible twist. My heart squirms--if this is love, I want none of it. He could have stood up and ended it, but he understood something I don't. Though I can't bear it, I must know it, must know what he clung to when even the Father turned away.
I don't know how such thing ever became associated with Amway Christianity or Your Best Life Now. Jesus sure wasn't having his Best Life...but he looked beyond it.
Matt 16:24-26 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." I do not know how to lose my life for Christ. I don't know how to stop wanting to save my life--my beautiful, precious life! With my kids, and my family, and the blue sky! I want to slam on the brakes and keep it! Before one more dies, before one more sickening revelation, I just want to make it stop and be My Birthday forever. How do I stop wanting that and lay down my life?
With Ransom on Perelandra, I reach for the "good that was..." How do I learn to live in the freefall?
This is so silly. I know how to do it. I do it now. I walk in the grace for today, the strength for the moment. I'd like a big storage unit of Manna, but it isn't served that way. Why? Because God loves me and He knows just what I need. I'd like to know my hope better.
A few days ago, Jesus was crucified. He didn't want to suffer and die, but what else could he do? It was his whole purpose for coming. They say that no one made images of the crucified Saviour until anyone who had seen an actual crucifiction had died. Our images are cleansed and made more palatable, easier to handle. Jesus Christ was beaten within an inch of his life, made fun of by morons, hung naked--naked! to die amongst the human refuse, desserted by the crowds that would have made him king. The only token of his true identity, Pilate's lame statement of faith, "The King of the Jews." He was tortured to death completely and finally. He was as dead as a Roman soldier could make him. Thomas thought he was so thoroughly killed that he scoffed that he'd have to put his fingers in the holes in his hands to believe the resurrection.
How could the Maker of Heaven and Earth, stand silent in a court of fools, and allow himself to be subjected to such abasement? Such pain, for an uncomprehending humanity? I can't even begin to understand. I find that I must look away. This is a fearsome God, a horrible twist. My heart squirms--if this is love, I want none of it. He could have stood up and ended it, but he understood something I don't. Though I can't bear it, I must know it, must know what he clung to when even the Father turned away.
I don't know how such thing ever became associated with Amway Christianity or Your Best Life Now. Jesus sure wasn't having his Best Life...but he looked beyond it.
Matt 16:24-26 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." I do not know how to lose my life for Christ. I don't know how to stop wanting to save my life--my beautiful, precious life! With my kids, and my family, and the blue sky! I want to slam on the brakes and keep it! Before one more dies, before one more sickening revelation, I just want to make it stop and be My Birthday forever. How do I stop wanting that and lay down my life?
With Ransom on Perelandra, I reach for the "good that was..." How do I learn to live in the freefall?
This is so silly. I know how to do it. I do it now. I walk in the grace for today, the strength for the moment. I'd like a big storage unit of Manna, but it isn't served that way. Why? Because God loves me and He knows just what I need. I'd like to know my hope better.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Drawing in a Breath
I am discovering a beautiful thing right now, and this blog writing has been a part of it. I am sorry if this writing doesn’t speak clearly or is contradictory or is way too long, but it is the imperfection of it that is allowing my soul to breath in the life of God. I am just going to give what I have, a partial understanding in a childish heart, and I’m going to give it with abandon, because I’m okay. I need to hash these thoughts through, and this is how I was made to do it. Maybe the process can help someone else understand something better, maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, it is still doing me a world of good.
I am accepted by the Father and given an irrevocable name. I will persevere and lay hold of my salvation. I am one of a web of Called Out Ones, and I belong. Mike, if you’re out there, I just listened to your sermon on the Indwelling vs. the Incarnation, and I receive that word from the Father that Christ is my head and He alone will lead me. I am walking in freedom and joy as I awkwardly give—in coaching the lego team, in serving my husband, in shepherding my kids, in writing rambling blog entries, in preparing to teach silly classes on paper crafts and birds, preparing for a camping trip that I could have had a bad attitude about, having friends over in my lower class home. I feel His pleasure in it.
I am discovering that I have “everything I need for life and godliness.” My heart has, in the past, turned to wanting. It would begin a sentence, “I wish….we had a church/more money/could go to Hawaii/were born with different color hair, etc.” The conviction in my husband’s heart that the Day of the Lord is coming soon to end all normal life functions, pretty much made all those wishes totally irrelevant. It took away the option of getting terribly wrapped up in preparing for my kids’ college, or redecorating, or going on a luxurious vacation, or crafting the ultimate business or ministry. So, life has been very hard without the draw forward. But I am slowly grasping the joy of the now, and the eternal hope of the future. When we realize that God is close to the broken hearted, there is no danger in having your heart broken, because the Comforter is greater than all.
Because of the Spirit, we have forever. I may only get started learning to draw now, but I will have all eternity to practice and seek mentors and find beautiful subjects. I don’t have to worry that relationships aren’t progressing as fast as I’d like, because I will have forever to get to know and enjoy my brothers and sisters in Christ. I don’t have to despise the day of small beginnings. I can step down a road, and if it is cut short now, I will have a chance to pick it up later.
I find that my wishes are silly. I wish we had a church. Yet, here around me are a great cloud of believers that support, know, and love me, as well as any cohesive church ever did. I wish I had something to offer, but I can offer the things that don't seem like much to me (because they are what I do naturally) and they are something to someone else. Go figure! Praise the Author of the Story!
Heb 10:14 ...by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
Let's hear it for the Now and the Not Yet of our hope!
I am accepted by the Father and given an irrevocable name. I will persevere and lay hold of my salvation. I am one of a web of Called Out Ones, and I belong. Mike, if you’re out there, I just listened to your sermon on the Indwelling vs. the Incarnation, and I receive that word from the Father that Christ is my head and He alone will lead me. I am walking in freedom and joy as I awkwardly give—in coaching the lego team, in serving my husband, in shepherding my kids, in writing rambling blog entries, in preparing to teach silly classes on paper crafts and birds, preparing for a camping trip that I could have had a bad attitude about, having friends over in my lower class home. I feel His pleasure in it.
I am discovering that I have “everything I need for life and godliness.” My heart has, in the past, turned to wanting. It would begin a sentence, “I wish….we had a church/more money/could go to Hawaii/were born with different color hair, etc.” The conviction in my husband’s heart that the Day of the Lord is coming soon to end all normal life functions, pretty much made all those wishes totally irrelevant. It took away the option of getting terribly wrapped up in preparing for my kids’ college, or redecorating, or going on a luxurious vacation, or crafting the ultimate business or ministry. So, life has been very hard without the draw forward. But I am slowly grasping the joy of the now, and the eternal hope of the future. When we realize that God is close to the broken hearted, there is no danger in having your heart broken, because the Comforter is greater than all.
Because of the Spirit, we have forever. I may only get started learning to draw now, but I will have all eternity to practice and seek mentors and find beautiful subjects. I don’t have to worry that relationships aren’t progressing as fast as I’d like, because I will have forever to get to know and enjoy my brothers and sisters in Christ. I don’t have to despise the day of small beginnings. I can step down a road, and if it is cut short now, I will have a chance to pick it up later.
I find that my wishes are silly. I wish we had a church. Yet, here around me are a great cloud of believers that support, know, and love me, as well as any cohesive church ever did. I wish I had something to offer, but I can offer the things that don't seem like much to me (because they are what I do naturally) and they are something to someone else. Go figure! Praise the Author of the Story!
Heb 10:14 ...by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
Let's hear it for the Now and the Not Yet of our hope!
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